


We Meet Again At The End

by sweetkpopfan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Cancer, Car Accidents, Celebrities, Divorce, Getting Together, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love, M/M, Parenthood, Post-Divorce, Romance, Soulmates, end game dojae, folklore inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 63,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetkpopfan/pseuds/sweetkpopfan
Summary: Famous celebrity couple Jeong Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung shock the world by announcing their divorce, and a fairytale marriage turned disaster became a folk song that will be passed down through generations.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 218
Kudos: 508





	1. prologue: the lakes

**Author's Note:**

> Three things:
> 
> 1\. This was inspired by the book Daisy Jones and the Six. I cannot recommend it enough.  
> 2\. This was also inspired by Taylor Swift's latest folklore album. Each chapter is named after a track on the album and I highly recommend listening to it while you read.  
> 3\. This was also inspired by Song-song (Song Joongki and Song Hyekyo)'s real life divorce.
> 
> I hope you like it!

Lake District is really cold in the earlier months of the year. A young girl of college age pulled the shawl around her closer as she walked on the lone wooden jetty further into the lake. No one stopped her, no one even cared. She arrived at the tip and squatted down, bringing her knees to her chest. She peered inside the water. All she could see was her own reflection.

Maybe if she stared a little longer, a huge shark would come and eat her up.

That’s silly. Sharks don’t live in lakes anyways.

She stood up and walked back to the shore. Further down the shore was a cozy little café affectionately named Mama’s Corner. She had been coming here for weeks now and the café owner Mama makes the best cup of tea and the warmest soup for breakfast. She definitely needed some warmth in her bones. She stepped inside and found her way to her usual booth, overlooking the large window and outside to the busy street, and the gorgeous lake in front of her.

“Why hello child.” Mama smiled at her. “Your usual again?”

“Yes Mama.” She nodded. “Thank you.”

Mama didn’t keep a TV in her café. She said it was too distracting, so instead she kept an old radio. The signal wasn’t great at times and when it read the news sometimes it sounded like it was coughing, but when it comes to playing old English tunes on a cold rainy day, this radio would perform at its very best. It was now playing an old Frank Sinatra song, trying to keep things warm and peppy on a Saturday morning.

“How is your writing coming?” Mama asked her.

“Nowhere.” She sighed. “I wrote two sentences at most last night.”

“Oh no you poor child.” Mama sighed as she served her cup of tea. “Well you just hang in there for a bit. This is The Lakes where poets come to die. If you don’t find inspiration here, you won’t find it anywhere else.”

“That’s what everyone tells me.” She laughed. “I’m just not sure if what I have in mind is good enough for school.”

“What is your idea?”

“Well…” she paused. “I’m not sure if I should talk about it. For fear that I might lose inspiration on it.”

“Considering how you are sitting here I don’t think you had much to begin with.”

“Fair enough.” She laughed. “Well, it’s about fate. Two lovers who parted find their way back together.”

“That sounds beautiful.”

“It sounds cliché. I’m sure all the other romantic novelists in class would have used the same idea.”

“Yes but not your exact idea.” Mama grinned. “I would read a book like that. We could all use some belief in fates every once in a while.”

The radio coughed out the last Frank Sinatra tune and it shifted to the news. “In other news, popular Korean celebrity duo Jeong Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung tied the knot in Queen’s House in London. The wedding was making waves for it’s…”

“I’ll bring you your soup.” Mama said. “Don’t fret about your writing. If it doesn’t come now, it will come later. Some ideas take years to develop.”

“Thank you Mama.” She smiled. “When I become a famous author and I finish that story, you’ll be the first person I thank.”

“Aww aren’t you precious?” Mama cooed. “Will there be any plot twists in that story?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“I love a good plot twist.” She grinned. “Keeps the story fun and interesting.”

She laughed with Mama as the café owner turned away. She looked outside the window and admired the fog hanging down low on the horizon, blanketing everything in a soft fluffy cloud. She pulled out her notebook and started scribbling.


	2. illicit affairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news of Jeong Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung's divorce shocks the world.

“Block that front page!!!” Felix stormed into the head editor’s office with a manuscript in his hand. “That front cover is mine.”

“You say that all the time and last time you came in with a story about Kraft cheese changing its packaging.” His head editor rolled his eyes as he put down his pen and looked at him.

“No, this time I’ve got the scoop that is going to make your newspaper the most popular newspaper for the next month.” Felix grinned, holding up the paper and shoving it into his editor’s face. “Here, how’s that for groundbreaking?”

His editor squinted for a bit, then his eyes went wide and so did his jaw. His hands shook violently as he took the manuscript. “This… are you sure?”

“All my sources confirmed it. We need to get this to print before other papers picked it up!!”

“Is this manuscript final?”

“Not quite.”

“You’ve got one hour. Final manuscript on my table and we’ll go to print. The front cover is yours.”

“AYE AYE CAPTAIN!!!” Felix couldn’t run out of the office fast enough to his table. In less than 24 hours, he was about to become one of the most sought after reporters in the nation.

*********************

**_The Sun: It’s Over! Actor Jeong Jaehyun and Singer Kim Doyoung Call It Quits!_ **

****

**_The Seoul Times: Breaking: Actor Jeong Jaehyun and Singer Kim Doyoung To Divorce_ **

****

**_Entertainment Weekly: The Fairytale Romance Ends in a Nightmare. Jeong Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung Divorce After 2 Years of Marriage_ **

****

*********************

****

_“Welcome to the Late Late Night Show with your hosts Kim Jungwoo and Joy. Tonight, we bring you some tragic celebrity couple news. The Nation’s Vocal Prince, singer Kim Doyoung has just announced that he will be separating from his husband Jeong Jaehyun, The Nation’s It Man after 2 years of marriage. It’s officially. Jaedo is officially dead.”_

_“Yes Jungwoo, it’s a right shame because they were such a popular couple and let’s not forget the incredible wedding they had, I mean it was a spectacular event. They were one of the most popular celebrity couples of our current decade.”_

_“Oh gosh I know, and now the question on everyone’s mind is what was the cause of this breakup? Was there another person involved? Could it have been Jaehyun’s costar Rose on the set of his drama Miss Americana?”_

“Well,” Taeyong sighed as he shut the TV off in his office and reached for his coffee cup. “The coverage could have been worse.”

“Sir?” Lisa, his secretary, knocked on his door. “Pepsi is on the phone. They want to talk about Doyoung’s recent scandal.”

“For Christ’s sake it’s a divorce, not a murder.” Taeyong groaned. “The contract is signed anyways, what more do they have to discuss?”

“I think they want to talk about his upcoming appearance at their concert.”

“Set a meeting with them for Thursday.”

“They are asking if they can have it any sooner.”

“Thursday is the earliest and if they can’t handle it they will have to come here and suck my balls.” Lisa bit her lip and nodded, closing the door behind her as Taeyong huffed. When he signed up to be his best friends’ manager, he didn’t for a second think that it would be THIS much work. From becoming the spokesperson to his label, negotiating contracts and deals, organising concerts and appearances to doing damage control, Taeyong should frankly be a billionaire for the amount of work he does.

Taeyong checked his phone, tempted to go onto Twitter to see what the masses are talking about, but he decided not to. He was a friend first, manager second. Doyoung was at home, resting and possibly breaking a few plates. Taeyong pondered if he should bring new cutlery and kitchenware while he bought dinner to him as well.

It was the end of the day and everyone else in the office had left. Taeyong picked up some food, knowing Doyoung wouldn’t have any energy to cook. He drove up to his luxurious penthouse, an overpriced hack for the neighbourhood because Doyoung had bought it at first stated price. He was just eager to move out of his home with Jaehyun at the time, and he didn’t care that he was paying an exorbitant amount for it.

“Well,” Taeyong called as he stepped inside the apartment, looking around for Doyoung. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” Doyoung answered, scooping rice out of the rice cooker into small bowls for Taeyong.

“Did you smash anything?”

“No.”

“Really?” Taeyong raised an eyebrow.

“Check the garbage can.” Doyoung sighed. “I didn’t do anything impulsive today, I swear.”

“Okay then. I trust you.” Taeyong shrugged. “What have you been doing all day then?”

“Just working on some music.”

“I didn’t bring any alcohol though.” Taeyong said. He opened the fridge and noted three bottles of soju in his fridge.

Doyoung made a face. “It’s okay. Let’s just have a nice chicken dinner.”

The two of them enjoyed a nice, quiet dinner. They hadn’t had many of them like these for the past few years. Now, in the silence of this grand penthouse, all Taeyong could hear was Doyoung’s steady breathing and his spoon hitting the bowl. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he took it out to silence it completely.

“Who is it?” Doyoung asked.

“Johnny.” Taeyong answered.

“Were you supposed to be with him or something?”

“No, no.” Taeyong gulped. “He’s just texting me to see how things are.”

“It’s okay, you know.” Doyoung said. “I can handle myself.”

“I very much don’t think so.” Taeyong said. “That’s why you needed a manager.”

“I’m not a baby anymore.”

“Shut up and eat your dinner.” Taeyong finished his rice. “I need you back in the office tomorrow. There’s a Pepsi meeting on Thursday.”

“Okay.” Doyoung answered meekly. Taeyong looked at him. He thought about saying something but decided against it.

After dinner, Doyoung cleaned up while Taeyong asked to use the bathroom. He turned left at the corridor and found Doyoung’s personal recording studio. He opened the door and his heart dropped. Papers were everywhere. The piano was in an odd position and there were glass bottles on the floor, enough to make a soju tower out of them. No wonder Doyoung was calm. He packed his chaos and contained them in one room.

If there was anything heartbreak had a knack of doing to Doyoung was create amazing music. Taeyong went inside and found a bunch of music sheets on the piano. He picked them up and flipped through them. Many of which were incomplete, but they had enough of a melody for you to hum it through. Taeyong came upon the last one which already had a set of lyrics. There was one line in particular that stood out:

_You were my crown, now I’m in exile seeing you out_

_I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending_

Taeyong put the papers down and closed the door. He walked back to the kitchen and opened the fridge to find that the 3 soju bottles were missing one, and they didn’t even drink at dinner. Taeyong wanted to find him. He should say something.

But he couldn’t find the words.

_I’m sorry your marriage ended? I’m sorry the man you loved more than anything cheated on you? I’m sorry your heart hurts so badly? I’m sorry your world has been shattered into a million pieces?_

As the old saying goes, if you don’t know what to say, better not say anything at all. Taeyong decided to leave Doyoung alone tonight. Not because he didn’t care, but rather the exact opposite. It was the least he could do.

*********************

**_The Sun: Details of Jeong Jaehyun’s Illicit Affair with Roseanne Park_ **

****

**_The Seoul Times: The Timeline of Jeong Jaehyun and Roseanne Park’s Budding Romance_ **

****

**_Entertainment Weekly: Roseanne Park Labelled as ‘homewrecker’ as Doyoung’s Fans Flood Her Instagram Posts_ **

****

*********************

“Well, I didn’t think you would have the balls to show up.” Eunwoo said when he saw his fellow co-star come into the dressing room and sit down next to him. “You’re a better man than me.”

“I still have a job to do.” Jaehyun explained as he laid out the script on his lap. “I’m a professional. I can do this.”

“So you and Rose huh?” Jaehyun could almost hear the smirk on Eunwoo’s lips and he rolled his eyes.

“You know it’s not true.”

“Of course it isn’t, why would she date you when I exist and I am her on screen husband?” Eunwoo chuckled. “The media’s fucked up, but then again they were the ones who caught you kissing her.”

“I didn’t…” Jaehyun stopped halfway.

“So you did kiss her?”

“I’m not saying anything.”

“You meant it?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Fine, don’t tell me, but you ought to take some responsibility for this mess you just created. Rose’s social media is flooded with enough angry trolls to feed the devil.”

“It is?”

“You can look it up for yourself if you want to commit suicide but yeah, it isn’t the healthiest place to be.” Eunwoo stood up and tapped his shoulder. “You’re not the only one in trouble.”

Jaehyun bit his lip as he waited for Eunwoo to leave. He got out of his chair shortly after and found Rose’s dressing room. Jaehyun knocked on the door and waited until he heard ‘enter’ to open the door. Rose was sitting inside with the beauty lights around the mirror illuminating her beautiful face while she combed the ends of her long, silver-lavender hair. “Jaehyun,” she smiled at him through the mirror. “come in.”

“I heard what happened to you. Eunwoo told me.”

“Ah well, don’t worry about them.” She waved a hand as she continued combing her hair. “I’m getting a lawyer to sue every single one of those fuckers who told me to go kill myself. I’m holding them accountable for libel and harassment.”

“It’s my fault. I should have bought you somewhere else instead of being so out in the open.”

“Don’t blame yourself.”

“Maybe I should say something, you know just say that it was a mistake and all.”

“Was it a mistake?”

“Of course it was.”

Rose stopped combing. Her huge pink comb rested on her lap.

“Wasn’t it?” Jaehyun asked. “We were both drunk and I was lonely so it just happened.”

“Yeah.” Rose nodded. “It was an accident.”

An icy, almost impenetrable silence washed over both of them in the room. Rose went back to combing her hair while Jaehyun shuffled his feet. “So uhm, are you going to say anything?”

“I haven’t decided.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to my manager. I just wanted to make sure we have our stories aligned so that we don’t contradict each other.”

“Sure, whatever you say.”

“I mean it would be better if we cleared this up, you don’t want to be labelled as a homewrecker do you? Not when you are just starting out in your career.”

“No, of course not.”

“Cool.” Jaehyun said. “Thanks Rose.”

“Jaehyun, wait.” Rose called. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

“Don’t be, it was doomed anyways. You didn’t do anything to make it happen. It was already there.” Jaehyun said. “Maybe it’s better now that the strings are cut.”

“Well, sometimes we just have to get rid of the baggage to move on to new things.”

Jaehyun smiled a little. “Thank you Rose.”

Rose watched as Jaehyun closed the door of her dressing room and left. She stood up and smashed her comb into the mirror and watched the shards fall down on the ground.

*************************

**_ The Cause _ **

**__ **

“Have you gained weight?” Rose’s manager eyed her figure while she was getting her outfit fitted for shooting the next day.

“I have not!” she snapped back. “I’m still 46kg.”

“Your waistline is 24.5 inches.” Her stylist said. “You’ve grown by half an inch.”

“Good,” Rose rolled her eyes. “I’m trying not to look like a stick figure. I already barely have boobs.”

“You know better than to let yourself go.”

“Believe me, I couldn’t even if I tried.” She turned around and sighed. “Those squats don’t help. My ass is still as flat as a pancake.”

“You know what they say, the perfect body doesn’t come naturally.”

“Whatever.”

“Who cares what you look like, you just need to stun onscreen.” Her manager patted her shoulders. “You’ve got the makings of an award-winning actress, now is your chance to prove it.”

“I know.” She didn’t need the reminder. Her parents, her management, her director and some unknown guy named ‘maxhandler’ on Twitter are reminding her enough as it is.

Torn between wanting to order a whole burger and just scoff it down or eat carrot sticks for supper, Rose decided to leave her hotel room and go for a walk. They were in Tokyo for a week to shoot some of the scenes here for their drama and most of her cast mates have gone out shopping or sightseeing. Rose took the night off thinking she could work on her lines but after the fitting session for tomorrow’s shoot, she sort of lost the appetite for it. She arrived the hotel lobby and walked past the hotel bar. She saw Jaehyun, her onscreen best friend sitting at the bar with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

“It’s only 8pm.” She quipped, walking up to him. “A little too early to drown your sorrows isn’t it?”

“Alcohol has no timing. You can have it anytime of day.” Jaehyun snorted. “Care to join me?”

“I’m already here.” Rose shrugged. “Bartender, I’ll have what he’s having.”

“Can you handle it, kid?” Jaehyun smirked. “This tastes like gasoline.”

“You underestimate me.” Rose made a face. “I drank vodka everyday with my dad when I was 18.”

“No shit.”

“He said if I wanted to play with the big leagues at the table, I had to learn how to drink like them.” She shrugged. “It’s a wonder my liver hasn’t screamed at me yet.”

Jaehyun gave his signature deep chuckle and pressed his head on the palm of his hand, supported by his elbow. His eyes were close as his cheeks flushed a bright pink, one single dimple on his right cheek revealed itself. It’s a little annoying how even in casual clothes and a black hoodie, Jaehyun was still so handsome. He was the Nation’s It Man for a reason.

“Is everything okay?” she asked him.

“I fought with Doyoung. Again.”

“Ouch. Isn’t that the third time this week?”

“It is.” Jaehyun said. “We don’t seem to be capable of normal conversation anymore. Every time we open our mouths we fight.”

“Did something happen?”

“More like what didn’t happen.”

They weren’t close enough for Rose to play therapist and delve deeper into their marriage problems but they were at least good enough friends for Jaehyun to confide in her. The first time they met was during their table reading and they clicked instantly. Everybody knew Jaehyun was a friendly, polite man with nary a negative thing to say about anyone but he was also really funny and witty. As on-screen best friends, Jaehyun and Rose had to have chemistry so that they could keep up with all the banter lines the scriptwriter wrote for them. Their chemistry came easily, and in Rose’s opinion, easier than her chemistry with her on-screen husband.

Maybe that chemistry was a problem. Her heart was often pounding at odd moments, and right now Jaehyun was next to her in tipsy fashion, smelling absolutely delicious with his signature Tom Ford cologne and his cheeks were stained with the same pink as his luscious, full lips. Her heart started pounding again and Rose shook her head. _When was the last time I masturbated?_

It was easier to admit she was horny rather than admit she was harbouring a crush on the Nation’s It Man who was married to the Nation’s Vocal Prince.

“Come on, you should get out of here.” Rose said as she finished her drink. “Let’s go for a walk or something. Tokyo is beautiful at night.”

“What’s wrong with what I am doing?”

“Sitting here and moping all night? Please, that’s as unhealthy as your drinking problem.”

“Rose…”

“Oh come on, a walk will clear your head.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him. “Who knows, you might find the answer to your problems with a walk.”

Jaehyun stumbled after her and they walked out of the hotel and into the city. The lobby was heavily guarded by security, but it was one of those rare nights where they weren’t constantly bombarded by fans and paparazzi waiting to get a glimpse of them. It was quiet when they stepped out onto the pavement, the chilly night air hitting their faces. Rose inhaled deeply and sighed.

“Can you smell that?” she asked.

“I can smell cigarettes. Did you smoke again?”

“Not me.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean freedom. The smell of freedom.”

“I don’t smell anything, but it sounds like you needed it.”

“Don’t we all? Given what we do?”

The two of them walked to a nearby convenience store where Jaehyun picked up a sweet sandwich with strawberries and cream in them. “Do you want one?”

“No thanks.”

“But you love these sandwiches.”

“I can’t. My waist size has gone up.”

“Gone up where? To heaven?” Rose smacked him on the back loudly and the two of them laughed. They left the store with some water and a single sandwich as they strolled a little further down the block.

“Are you sure you don’t want some?” Jaehyun asked her.

“No I don’t, stop tempting me.”

“I’m not tempting you, I’m making an offer, an offer which you looked like you wanted by the way.”

“If I gain a few pounds I’ll kill you.”

“You can’t gain weight from just a single sandwich. And besides, I thought you told me two weeks ago that you were too thin. Now you’re concerned with gaining them?”

“I don’t know either. My body is confused. I think I’m too thin, everybody else thinks I’m too fat.”

“Who says that?”

“The internet. My manager.”

“Well whose opinion do you think matters more?”

“You mean between the internet and my manager?”

“I mean between you and theirs.”

Rose didn’t answer. They came to a small roadside bench and sat down to open the bottle of water. Rose consumed half the bottle while she watched Jaehyun eat his sandwich. “You’re lucky.”

“Lucky what?”

“You can eat anything and no one will say a word.”

“Easy for you to say. I don’t think I’ll be the nation’s It Man anymore if I lose my abs.”

“Yeah but no one is going to see it. Meanwhile I wear crop tops and short skirts. If I gain even a bit of flab the whole world will know via some blown up paparazzi shot.”

“That’s unfair.”

“I know.” Rose made a face. “It sucks.”

“Here,” Jaehyun handed her half of the sandwich. “Finish that.”

Rose didn’t wait for him to hand it to her fully. She snatched the sandwich and scoffed it down like a starved man. She wiped the cream from her lips and sighed at the empty packet.

“Do you feel better?”

“Yeah.” Rose smiled. “I’ll probably regret it later.”

“You know it’s okay to have stuff like this every once in a while. You’ve got to nourish your soul as well as your body.”

“Maybe. I’d enjoy it more if everyone else would let me.”

“Maybe you should stop letting them ruin your fun. Tell your manager to shut up for once.” Jaehyun said. “You are perfectly fine the way you are.”

“Thanks.” Rose smiled in what felt like the first time that day. “You should confront your husband too, tell him how you really feel.”

“It’s not that simple. There are layers of history between us and it’s more complex.”

“Has it always been that bad between you two?”

“No,” Jaehyun scoffed. “Believe it or not, we were tied to the hip when we were first started dating. Our friends used to say that we were like a buy one free one set. You can never get one without the other.”

“That sounds so cute.”

“It was.” Jaehyun chuckled. “Times were simpler then, and so was our relationship.”

“Maybe he isn’t right for you now.”

“Excuse me?” Jaehyun snapped his head to look at her.

“I mean… you’ve grown so much.” Rose stuttered a little. “And you are obviously at a different place in your life. Maybe he doesn’t fit in your reality now.”

“I’ve thought about it.” Jaehyun sighed. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe our realities and our wants are too different now. But it’s hard to completely let go. How do you say goodbye to someone you have loved for so long? How do you say goodbye to the person who you have shared so many memories with?”

“You’re right.” Rose bit her lip. “I’m sorry I said that.”

“No no, you have nothing to apologize for.” Jaehyun said. “It’s fine.”

“I guess I don’t know much about love.” Rose said. “I only had one boyfriend before I moved to Seoul, so it’s been a while.”

“Impossible.” Jaehyun giggled. “The beautiful Roseanne Park didn’t have lines of males crawling to get her number? Who you think you’re fooling ,kid?”

“No.” she made a face. “I wasn’t allowed to, technically. The ban was just lifted a few months ago.”

“Neither was I and Doyoung when we first started, but we broke all the rules to see each other.”

“I wish I had someone I could do that with.”

“You’ll find someone soon enough.” Jaehyun smiled. “You are a beautiful, smart woman. All you have to do is get out there and you’ll find someone soon enough.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”

Rose wanted to cry. This was the first time in a long while she had ever heard someone say something so nice and positive to her. Ever since she made her debut, her progress had just been focused on how much work left she had to do or what she didn’t accomplish. She never took the time to realize that she did in fact accomplish so much along the way and she should have celebrated that. She was a young, beautiful and talented woman making waves in a frankly sexist industry. She was perfect the way she was and to hear that from someone as wonderful and talented and loving as Jaehyun…

Rose leaned forward and kissed Jaehyun. It was probably 5 seconds at most. It happened too quickly for anyone to register what had happened. “Shit.” Rose mumbled. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay.” Jaehyun smiled. “Maybe we should go back.”

Jaehyun was an absolute gentleman. He didn’t bring up the kiss when they went back but he walked her to her room and thanked her for keeping him company. Rose went to sleep that night with more than just regret over a cream sandwich in her stomach. She kissed him. She kissed the man she spent hours daydreaming over. It was a mistake, but he was nice about it. He didn’t bring it up to embarrass her, and he didn’t blackmail her about it either. It was a one-time thing and it was all over.

So why did she feel like she was about to throw up with guilt?

Two days later, Eunwoo told her that Doyoung officially filed for divorce from Jaehyun. They were on their last day of filming but Jaehyun cut his short to fly back to Korea to meet his divorce lawyers. News of their breakup was not announced then and Rose told herself repeatedly that this was not her fault. Jaehyun and Doyoung’s marriage was already broken from the start. A divorce was pending whether she kissed him or not. It was going to happen. It had nothing to do with her.

She couldn’t shake off the feeling when she went back to Korea. A week later, the news broke and images of her kissing Jaehyun in Tokyo emerged online. There were people making claims they were kissing and dating for a lot longer than reported and Rose wanted to scream. They were calling her a ‘bitch’ and a ‘whore’ and a ‘homewrecker’ and a ‘slut’. Her manager was furious. The attacks soon moved to her family and now there were random people calling her parents evil because they raised a ‘bitch’ like her.

Why was this all happening?

Because she kissed a man briefly? Because a man said such nice things to her? Because a man made her feel like she was worth something? Why was she being punished for having something nice? Was it selfish of her to just want to feel like she could be loved by someone real for even a minute?

Her manager suggested taking action against her harassers which she agreed to. She didn’t like the idea of it but she had no choice. Her family’s safety was at stake, and she can’t let online trolls be the reason her family’s health and safety is at risk. The headlines called it an illicit affair but in reality it was just an innocent kiss given by a woman to a man who made her feel loved for the first time.

And now the man agreed it was a mistake and walked away. The man would rather pretend it didn’t happen.

Still she picked up the phone and dialled a number.

*************************

** The Instigator **

****

When Felix’s old high school friends said they should go on a weekend getaway in Tokyo, he didn’t think they were serious. After all this is the same bunch of dudes who thought TP-ing their headmaster’s car as an April Fool’s prank was a good idea. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t, and it was a miracle they weren’t suspended. This was one time they decided on it and it turned out to be a good idea.

“We need some more booze.” Bang Chan, the oldest in the group and also the de facto leader said in their homestay. “The fridge is empty.”

“I want some ramen. Mina noona said there is a particular ramen brand here that is incredibly popular.” Seungmin said.

“There’s a convenience store a couple of blocks from here.” Woojin pointed out.

“I’ll go.” Felix volunteered. “I need to get a toothbrush anyways. I forgot to bring one for this trip.”

“It’s amazing how you didn’t forget your head while you were at it.” Jeongin snickered.

“I’ll go with you.” Bang Chan offered and the two of them left the homestay to pick up some food. On their way to the convenience store, Felix spotted two very familiar figures leaving the hotel opposite the street.

“Do you see what I see?” Felix tapped his friend’s shoulder.

“See what?”

“That.” Felix hunched down quickly and tried to turn the corner, trying to catch a glimpse of the two people who just left. The man and woman were walking closely together and the man was humming and swaying a little, almost like he was tipsy. He gasped when he finally saw who it was. “Oh my god.”

“What, what is it?”

“Mate, go to the store without me.” Felix told him. “I have to go to work.”

“Wait, are you serious?!”

“I’m serious mate, get lost!” Felix pushed him away. “I’ll call you!”

“Felix wait!!” Felix didn’t. He dashed across the street, narrowly avoiding a cyclist as he tailed the two people he spotted. Jeong Jaehyun and Roseanne Park.

Word on the street and in the newsroom was that Jaehyun and Doyoung were not on good terms. Doyoung’s label threw a small party to celebrate the success of his last tour and Jaehyun was not there. It was also reported that Doyoung recently purchased a very expensive penthouse in the centre of Seoul, away from their 15 million dollar shared residence. Although it could have been just a personal investment that Doyoung felt unnecessary to involve his husband with, the timing of said purchase was a little bit iffy.

_What was Jaehyun and Rose doing in Tokyo alone on a Saturday night? He looks tipsy, like he had too much to drink, and she was holding onto him like she was worried he’ll fall over. Did he have a drink with her? What kind of man would allow himself to get so drunk in front of a woman?_

Felix followed them and waited behind a row of bushes for them to exit the convenience store. He held onto his phone tightly as he moved around, trying to find the best angle to snap a few photos. This could be his one chance to make it big. A potential celebrity scandal like this would give him the front-page cover of his dreams.

So far, the two of them were just talking. Felix couldn’t even hear what they were talking about. 10 minutes in, and they were still talking. He wasn’t sure if he was getting disappointed or impatient. He took out his phone to take a few shots anyways.

Then it happened.

Felix gasped so loudly he swore they heard him. It was a brief one and it all happened so fast. Jaehyun and Rose got up and started walking away while Felix was rooted in his spot, hand over his mouth as his heartbeat raced from 0 to a thousand fucking miles per second. The two of them disappeared, still not holding hands or anything and Felix waited a little longer. He trailed them back to their hotel and that was it. He couldn’t get in because of the security but did he need to?

He checked his phone and he screamed at the top of his lungs. The shot was in his camera gallery. Rose pressing her lips against Jaehyun.

He ran all the way back to his homestay. He knocked on the door repeatedly and slammed it on his way in. “I need a laptop!! Quick!!!”

“What are you on about?” Changbin asked, eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Just give me a laptop!” Felix stomped his foot. “I’ve got the news of a lifetime. I’m going to be famous!”

*************************

** The Aftermath **

“There he is!!” Felix’s head editor announced loudly, and the entire newsroom gave Felix a standing ovation when he came in. Felix blushed and bowed shyly. “This man just broke the story that helped us break the record for the greatest number of newspapers sold in the first day!”

“Thank you, thank you.” Felix was handed a glass of champagne by his colleagues. “It’s an honour but to be frank I can’t take all the credit. I was just lucky.”

“Well great things are opening up for you kiddo.” His head editor smiled. “You’ll be going places soon. You will be the biggest entertainment reporter there is. Think Hedda Hopper but male and obviously Asian.”

“Yeah well…” Felix smiled nervously. “I was hoping I would be doing something else by then.”

“One step at a time kid, one step at a time.” The editor winked. Felix raised his glass in gratitude as the office party continued. The male Hedda Hopper? Sure, she was influential and powerful, but she was a gossip columnist. Felix had dreams of becoming a Pulitzer prize reporter, not a dirty celebrity scandal reporter. He was lucky this time and yes it did feel good having his name on the front page, but he couldn’t possibly be writing about things like this for the rest of his life. That was not what he signed up for.

Felix tucked his thoughts away and went back to work. His inbox was flooded with all sorts of messages from people he had never heard of, and he wasn’t in the mood to sort through them. After searching his name on Google for 5 minutes, he received a call. “Hello?”

“Is this Felix from The Sun?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“This is Miss Lee, Roseanne Park’s representative.”

“Uh hi,” Felix swallowed thickly. “how may I help you?”

“My artist would like to clear the air and dispel some of the negative rumours surrounding the latest scandal, and she would like you to be the one to interview her.”

_Holy shit._

If Felix could see Rose’s gaze behind her sunglasses at the coffee shop they agreed to meet in, he would probably be turned to stone. She adjusted her sunglasses and sipped her coffee. “I never had an affair with Jeong Jaehyun. We are good friends and that was it. I never slept with him, was never in Barbados with him or whatever fucking island y’all have me painted on with him. I knew he was struggling with a bad marriage and all I did was just listen to him. That was it.”

“How do you explain the kiss?”

“It was a mistake. We both had too much to drink and I was acting out of line. I apologized immediately and Jaehyun accepted it. We both went back to our separate rooms and said no more about it.”

“So you never had any feelings for him?”

“I would never stand in the way of anyone’s marriage, even if it was broken. Never.”

“That’s not the question.”

“What?”

“I asked if you had feelings for him, not your moral ground on marriage.”

Rose adjusted her glasses again. “I said what I said.”

“Are you sure?” Felix looked up at her.

“Positive.” Rose said. “Also, make a note that I have taken legal action against some of my harassers on Instagram and anyone who dares make similar threats to me or my family will suffer the same consequences. I will not stand for this abuse any longer. That will be all.” She stood up, grabbed her purse, shook his hand and walked out.

*************************

**_The Sun: Jeong Jaehyun and Roseanne Park’s Illicit Affair Debunked: “We were never together.”_ **

Felix’s piece was published the next day. The damage was done anyways so it wasn’t like this article was going to help Doyoung and Jaehyun reconcile. The seed for their divorce was planted a long time ago, but at least the truth was out. Rose’s manager read the article and breathed a sigh of relief. “Finally, some positive news after all this time. You did good.”

“I did what I had to do.” Rose answered as her makeup artist finished her look before a photo shoot.

“Felix kept saying that you didn’t answer his last question though.”

“Ignore him.” Rose snapped. “You know what reporters are like. They will take anything and turn it into something new.” She could hear her manager pause before nodding.

The finishing touches of her makeup was done. A few seconds later, Rose got a call from Jaehyun. “Rose, I just saw the article.”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that.” She chuckled a little.

“I cannot thank you enough for this. I am about to go on a radio interview and you bet I will back you up.”

“There isn’t anything to back up, it’s the truth anyways.”

“I owe you kid,” Jaehyun breathed over the phone. “Let me buy you a cup of coffee one day.”

Rose’s heart stopped. She paused for a bit and held her breath. “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I just want this whole ordeal to be over. I think I’ll focus more on my parents in the meantime. I haven’t seen them in a while and I owe them after the chaos I bought them.”

“Rose.”

_There was a reason why I couldn’t answer Felix’s last question. Come on Jaehyun, tell me you want me to stay. Tell me to never leave you._

“Good luck Jaehyun.” Rose swallowed.

“Thanks kid. Couldn’t have done it without you.” Jaehyun said. Rose hung up the phone and sighed deeply. If she breathed hard enough, her tears would not spill. _Curse you Jeong Jaehyun._ _Look at this idiotic fool that you made me, a_ _nd you know damn well for you, I would ruin myself a_ million _little times_ _._

Her manager called her and she stood up, smoothing her black frilly dress and walked out onto the set. They gave her a small pedestal to stand on and a crown to fit on top of her head. The photoshoot concept was ‘Queen’ and Rose patted her arms. A queen is strong, a queen is mighty, a queen is resilient. She is a queen and she will be all that.

“Okay hun,” the photographer said. “Suck in that belly, stand up straight, chin up and eyes forward.”

Rose closed her eyes, sucked in her belly, stood up straight, hoisted her chin up and opened her eyes. A single tear fell out.


	3. cardigan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The divorce is finalized and Doyoung tries to finish a song

Doyoung couldn’t decide what was more incredible. The fact that no reporters were hanging around outside the court or that his two-year marriage and 7-year relationship with Jaehyun ended in about 15 minutes.

“That’s it.” The Seoul court official named Kim Joonmyun handed them their forms. “You two are officially divorced.”

“That’s all?” Jaehyun asked. “Are there any extra procedures to go through?”

“Not on our end. You both agreed to part with mutual consent, no alimony is being paid, no division of property and you two don’t have any children to speak of, so yeah. Legally, the proceedings are complete and you two have your single status back again.”

“That was easier than I thought.” Doyoung admitted, looking at Jaehyun for a bit. Two years ago, they walked this same path to register their marriage, and now two years later here they are breaking it.

“Well divorces don’t have to be messy.” Joonmyun stood up and shook their hands. “I wish you two the best of luck.”

“Thank you.” Taeyong and Johnny, their respective managers were waiting outside the room. Doyoung pretended he didn’t see Taeyong slipping his hand out of Johnny’s when they both came out of the room.

“Well,” Doyoung gulped. “I guess this is it.”

“It is.” Jaehyun swallowed thickly. “I have to go. I have a shoot to attend in two hours.”

“Right.” Doyoung looked at him. Jaehyun looked back.

No one said a word for the next two minutes.

“Well,” Jaehyun cleared his throat. “I hope we can still be friends.”

“That would be nice.” Doyoung nodded. “We have been through too much to just end it like this.”

“Yeah.” _Too much indeed._

Jaehyun and Johnny left the court first as Jaehyun had scheduled to attend to. Doyoung and Taeyong walked out of the court and Doyoung inhaled deeply. It was a lovely sunny day with a fair breeze and the sound of birds chirping in the air. Funny, this wasn’t quite what Doyoung imagined when he first decided to get a divorce.

Then again, he didn’t think he would be getting a divorce at all.

“Well, you are a free man once again.” Taeyong clicked his tongue. “Is there anything you want to do?”

“Eat.” Doyoung laughed. “I need to fill this empty chasm in my heart with food.” Taeyong simple chuckled and the two of them walked to his car. Doyoung climbed in, still holding his divorce form in his hand. “At least it’s all over.”

“For now.” Taeyong said.

“What do you mean?” Doyoung asked.

“Nothing.” Taeyong said as he drove away.

********************

“This is a little…” Doyoung stared at the cake in front of him in awe and horror. “It’s a little violent to be put on a cake don’t you think?”

“I know, isn’t it perfect?!” Ten, his best friend and choreographer grinned as he took photos of the 3 tiered red velvet cake with chocolate ganache, featuring a groom on top of the cake with his arms out as if he was pushing, a trail of dark, blood orange compote running down one side of the cake and another groom lying in the red liquid with a broken leg and his head snapped in a strange angle. “Divorce cakes have really gotten so violently creative.”

“We just wanted to celebrate your newfound freedom.” Seulgi, his long-time producer and director of his previous tour, held her champagne glass high. “No more staying up late at night wondering what he was doing.”

“No more crying about how he doesn’t respond to your messages.”

“No more screaming into the phone and tearing your hair out.”

“No more guilt tripping him or you for not being ‘present enough’ in the marriage.”

“No more heartache.” Seulgi clinked her glass with Doyoung’s. “You’re a free man now, you can do whatever you want.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung laughed. “I have to admit it is a relief. I was agonizing over this entire process for weeks. People keep telling me it’s going to be expensive and all that and that it could take a year.”

“Nonsense, that’s only because you couldn’t come to an agreement. Jaehyun basically said he was going to do whatever you wanted.” Ten shrugged. “As he should. The jackass.”

“Ten.” Taeyong shook his head.

“He started it!”

“Stop it stop it.” Doyoung shushed them. “No more about him. I’m a single man now and we should go back to celebrating that.”

“Are you two going to stay friends or something?” Ten asked.

“Of course we will.” Doyoung said. “To be fair, he was really amicable in terms of the divorce and even though we fought a lot, he didn’t stop me from having what I wanted, and besides, we have been through so much together. It’s hard to completely erase someone like that out from your life.”

“Oh,” Seulgi made a face. “Does that mean we have to be friends with him too?”

“No,” Doyoung laughed heartily. “You don’t have to be friends with him if you don’t want to.”

“Good, because I hate him.” Seulgi shuddered. “I don’t care if he was hot in Running On Water. No one gets to hurt my bitch and get away with it.”

“Since when was he your bitch?” Ten made a face.

“I’m gay. Everyone is my bitch.”

“Guys guys, thank you all so much for being with me these past couple of months.” Doyoung smiled at his dearest friends and close staff members. “I can’t thank you enough for all of the love and support you guys have shown me. It… it has not been easy. Dealing with schedules and my mental health and the divorce… if it wasn’t for all of you keeping me together I would have lost it.”

“We all love you Doyoung.” Taeyong smiled. “We just want to be there for you.”

“Here here,” everyone in the room chorused.

“Well this whole experience has inspired me to get back into the studio.” Doyoung grinned and the excitement in the room heightened at the thought of Doyoung producing more music. “I can’t tell you what it is yet, but I can tell that the music is going to be very different.”

“Oooo, are we going to see a new side to the Nation’s Vocal Prince?” Ten winked. “No more sad spring ballads?”

“We’ll see.” Doyoung winked. “I’ll surprise you all.” Everyone in the room cheered as they raised their glass to a toast. Seulgi gave Doyoung a knife to cut the cake and he sliced it right from the top and down to the bottom, cutting off the dead groom’s head. A few minutes later, someone else joined the party that made Doyoung’s head snap up in attention.

“Ten!” Doyoung grabbed his elbow. “What is he doing here?”

“Oh, you mean Taeoh?” Ten pointed to the tall, muscular man in a well fit Dolce Gabbana suit. He was the lawyer Ten recommended to assist Doyoung in his divorce, except he was never really hired because they settled everything amicably. Doyoung has met Taeoh a couple of times outside of the whole divorce issue and he was a very attractive, kind gentleman. “He heard you finalized your divorce and he wanted to come and celebrate.”

“I didn’t tell him about the office party though.”

“I did.” Ten grinned. He looked at Taeoh and back at his best friend. “He’s hot.”

“I know.”

“Go say hi.” Ten pushed him. “And remember, you haven’t had sex in a long time.”

“Hi Doyoung.” Taeoh approached him, smiling widely with a gift bag in his hand.

“Oh, hi Taeoh.” Doyoung smiled back. “It’s nice to see you here.”

“I hope I’m not intruding.” Taeoh handed him the gift. “I just wanted to help you celebrate your successful divorce.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung took the gift. “You didn’t have to bring anything. That’s very sweet of you.”

“I just have to say that I’m really happy for you.” Taeoh said, “You look like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders.”

“It is.” Doyoung sighed. “I was so stressed out about it for a long time.”

“And it’s right to celebrate it.” Taeoh said. “For a lot of people, divorce is the equivalent of finally getting their life back.”

“I can see why.”

“Maybe we should celebrate it together. With dinner perhaps?”

Doyoung almost snorted. “You move fast don’t you?”

The lawyer shrugged. “No better way to heal than to open yourself up to new opportunities.”

“You have a point.” Doyoung nodded. It’s just dinner after all.

********************

Yeah. It wasn’t just dinner.

As Ten said, it has been a long time.

“Is this real gold?” Taeoh asked, peering at Doyoung’s Gold record plaque that he hung in his bedroom.

“I don’t know.” Doyoung grunted, slowly climbing out of bed to reach for his underwear. All he could think about during dinner was how he hadn’t had sex in a very long time and after a couple of drinks, he was trying to guess how long Taeoh’s penis was in his jeans. Luckily, Taeoh was more than ready to entertain him.

“I can’t believe you have 2 of these.” Taeoh reached for the belt he dropped on the floor. “You are so talented.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung ran a hand through his hair as he reached for a fluffy robe.

“What are you going to do after this?” Taeoh asked.

“I’ll be going back to making music.” Doyoung chuckled as he walked him out of his apartment. “I’ve been going back to it and it’s been really healing.”

“Well if I may speak on behalf of the world, I can’t wait to see what you have to offer.” Taeoh grinned. “The world needs more Kim Doyoung.”

“Let’s see if the world is ready for what I have to offer.” Doyoung grinned. “Thank you for tonight.”

“My pleasure.” Taeoh nodded. “We should do this again.”

“Maybe.”

Taeoh kissed his cheek and left. Doyoung closed the door behind him and made a warm cup of tea. With a steaming mug of tea and a flush on his cheeks, he went back inside his bedroom to get changed into his work clothes: a pair of sweatpants and a simple cardigan. He walked into his homemade studio and sighed deeply.

Taeyong must have cleaned out the empty bottles he left behind. His papers were still in it’s spot in front of the piano. He sat down at the piano and picked up the papers. He never got around to actually finishing any one of the songs. Instead he had many outlines and melodies strewn all over. Maybe he should attempt to finish one of them. The studio air was feeling a little chilly so he wrapped the cardigan a little tighter around his body. He pulled the left side open and his heart stopped when he saw a blue tag inside.

His fingers went to touch the blue tag. It had the letters ‘JH’ on it. Back when they were dating, Doyoung stole so many of Jaehyun’s clothes and wore them all like they were his own. Jaehyun started stitching his name on blue tags inside the clothes to try and get him to return it but of course he didn’t. Jaehyun didn’t ask for them back after that.

Doyoung had sworn that he threw away all of Jaehyun’s belongings when he moved out. How did this escape his eye?

His thumb rubbed the tag, feeling the letters under it’s skin.

** The Beginning **

****

“Come on!!” Nakamoto Yuta, a scrawny college student with a ponytail at the nape of his neck dragged his best friend Jaehyun into the The Red Lion bar. “You’re going to love this place.”

“Yuta, when you said you were going to bring me to one of the hottest bars in the country, you didn’t tell me it was a seafood bar.” Jaehyun sighed.

“Hey, don’t knock the cocktails. My man Park Chanyeol makes amazing drinks and serves the best calamari rings to go with it.” Yuta pushed him towards the bar. “Hey Chanyeol!”

“Hello Yuta!” Chanyeol, the burly bar manager with big eyes and even bigger ears grinned. “What can I get you boys?”

“Can we have two of your Purple Sky cocktails and a side of Clapping Calamari please?”

“No problem, is your friend here old enough to drink?” Chanyeol cocked his head towards Jaehyun. “He looks a little young.”

“I just turned 20 a couple of months ago.” Jaehyun pulled out his ID. “I’m legal.”

“Okay then.” Chanyeol nodded. “Two Purple Skies coming right up.”

“Johnny will join us in a bit.” Yuta told Jaehyun. “How have you been doing?”

“I’m okay I guess.” Jaehyun shrugged. “Class sucks, my part time job is kind of boring, but on the other hand, I had rumours that one of the advertising agencies near our dorm is doing an open casting for male models.”

“Are you going for it?”

“Maybe?” Jaehyun pondered for a bit. “Not sure if being a model is my thing though.”

“Well who knows? Maybe once you make it as a model, it would give you more opportunities to work as an actor.”

“I was hoping to be taken seriously from the get go.”

“What about that audition for some fruit juice commercial? Johnny said you went for it last week.”

“I did but I don’t think I’ll get it.” Jaehyun sighed. “There were 2,500 applicants. How the hell am I supposed to compete?”

“Jae, you are an extremely talented actor. We’ve seen you perform in the community theatre last year. You were brilliant.” Yuta tapped his shoulder. “Your big break will come soon. You just need to keep at it.”

“Meanwhile I have student debt up to my ears.” Jaehyun said. “Maybe my mum was right. Maybe I should just focus on my business degree and get a real job.”

“Now hold on a minute there buster.” Yuta stopped him. “Your mum was right about you focusing on your degree, but she was wrong about getting a real job. Acting is a real job. You wanna wear suits everyday and sit in a tiny enclosed space next to someone who breathes too loud and farts in their seat?”

“It pays the bills better though.”

“No, forget it.” Yuta rolled his eyes. “I’m not letting you deprive the world of this talent and that handsome face. Forget it.”

“Stop it!” Jaehyun slapped his arm but he couldn’t resist a smile. “Shut up. I’m not that handsome.”

“The row of ladies sitting behind you in class beg to differ.” Yuta smirked. “I think one of them was writing fanfiction about you.”

“Shut up!!”

“Hey! It’s a great thing though! It’s foretelling that when you are famous, people will write fanfictions about you! Jeong Jaehyun, Grammy winning actor!”

“It’s Oscar.”

“It can be both. You never know.” He winked. Chanyeol came back with their drinks and the two friends cheered to the end of a long week. Chanyeol asked them to stay back for some of the local music talent that was playing in his club. “I’ve got magic, stand up and music. You guys will enjoy it.”

“Thanks Chanyeol.” The two of them smiled. Johnny joined them shortly after and the three of them waited for the show to start. The acts were fun and all, but there was one in particular that really caught his eye.

It was a young man in a leather jacket and dark jeans. His hair was slicked back and he had a side shave on the side of his head. Dark eyeliner wrapped his beautiful eyes to make them stand out even more. People were stopping their movements to turn around and look at him. Jaehyun put down his drink and focused on him.

“Hello everyone.” The young man bowed politely. “My name is Kim Doyoung and I’m a musician. I’m here to perform a song I wrote and finished last night. No, this morning. No, a couple of hours ago.” The crowd giggled and clapped for him. “I hope you all enjoy it. This is King of Shadows.”

The song started with a slow guitar strum. Then Doyoung opened his mouth to sing, and Jaehyun knew his world would never be the same. His voice was like velvet, draping the room with his smooth tones and husky voice. He closed his eyes, held onto the microphone tightly and finished the first verse. Jaehyun’s jaw was now permanently stuck at unhinged.

“Whoa.” Yuta clapped. “He’s amazing.”

“What a voice.” Johnny agreed. “I have never heard anyone sing like that.”

“Me neither.” Jaehyun muttered.

“Holy shit why isn’t he famous yet?” Johnny said. “A man like him could be a star!”

“Indeed.”

The audience gave Doyoung a standing ovation. Doyoung bowed repeatedly, his beautiful wide smile contrasting his dark hair and clothes. He was supposed to look like a rockstar but when he smiled, he was anything but. He just looked like a normal boy.

A beautiful boy. Jaehyun knew he had to talk to Doyoung that night.

“Lovely song Doyoung.” Chanyeol told Doyoung when he got off stage and returned to his seat at the table. “The audience loved it.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung smiled warmly. “I wasn’t sure if they were going to like it because it’s slightly different from what I usually write.”

“Different is good. It’s what gives spice to life. You think this bar would have been so successful if I just served calamari all day?”

“You could consider it. It’s so good.”

“Shut up kid.” Chanyeol slapped his arm playfully. “By the way, that young man by the bar wants to buy you a drink.”

“Which one?” Doyoung craned his head to the bar to find the so collard young man.

“The handsome one.”

“Uhm, they are all pretty good looking though.”

“Yes but there’s only one staring back at you.”

Doyoung looked back at the bar and his eyes met a pair belonging to someone with the fairiest skin Doyoung had ever seen, soft brunette locks and a pair of dimples on his cheeks. The dimpled man smiled back at him and his eyes darted down shyly, revealing a set of very pink ears.

“Oh.” Doyoung blushed a little. This man had dimples. Very cute dimples.

“I checked. He’s old enough to drink.” Chanyeol winked.

“What drink is he buying?”

“Purple Sky.”

“Oh, so he knows his alcohol.” Doyoung snickered. “Sure, I’ll take it.”

“Got it.” Chanyeol nodded and went back to the bar. Doyoung took out a small pocket notebook from his back pocket and opened it. His face was feeling a little flushed for some reason. He pressed his hand against his cheek and quickly realised his heart was beating very fast as well.

“Hi.” Doyoung darted up to look at the source of the voice and his jaw fell when he saw Mr Beautiful Dimples standing next to him with two drinks in his hand. “Here is your Purple Sky.”

“You bought me a drink and now you’re delivering it yourself?” Doyoung quipped. “Do you run a food delivery service?”

“I used to work at one.” The man smiled. “Very tough work if you ask me.” He extended his hand. “I’m Jeong Jaehyun.”

“Nice to meet you.” Doyoung shook his hand. “I’m Kim Doyoung.”

“The King of Shadows huh?” Doyoung burst into laughter immediately.

“I was going through an emo phase.”

“What happened? Bad breakup?”

“Worse.”

“Ex lover got engaged while you still loved him? Or her?”

“Favourite drama ended in a terrible manner.”

Jaehyun clutched his heart dramatically. “That’s the worst kind of pain. Immeasurable pain.”

“You are so dramatic.” Doyoung laughed. “What are you, an actor?”

“As a matter of fact, I am.” Jaehyun beamed. “I mean I am a student but I do quite a lot of acting in community theatre.”

“Oh,” Doyoung made a face, “And you’re telling me you haven’t signed onto an agency already? Even with that face of yours?”

“Well I have been trying but it isn’t easy, the auction procedure is… hang on a minute, you think I’m handsome?”

“Yeah, audition procedure can be lengthy.” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “I’ve been there.”

“How long have you been sitting there thinking I am handsome?” Jaehyun leaned closer, grinning from ear to ear.

“That’s not the point.” Doyoung stuttered, feeling his tongue become a useless piece of muscle immediately. “We were talking about auditions with talent agencies.”

“Uh huh so back to how you thought I was handsome.”

Doyoung couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, you’ll make a great actor indeed.”

********************

“Favourite food?”

“Kimchi jigae. The ultimate comfort food. Doenjang jigae too. Yours.”

“Anything with meat in them. Least favourite food?”

“Cucumber.”

“Seriously?”

“They taste disgusting!”

“No they don’t! They just taste like water!”

“What kind of cucumbers have you been eating? They taste like child vomit.”

“Child vomit? Isn’t that a little dramatic?”

“You’re the actor, you tell me.”

“Okay fine, favourite movie? Mine is Before Sunrise.”

“I like Peter Pan.”

“Are you two done?” Chanyeol yawned, dragging his broom behind him. “It’s 2am and the bar closed an hour ago.”

“Sweet lord.” Doyoung looked at the clock on the wall in shock. “Where did the time go?”

“Down the drain while you guys debated about whether or not Kanye West was in his right mind when he said he was running for president.” Chanyeol shook their chairs to get Jaehyun and Doyoung to stand up. “Now get out. Unless you are buying another ten more drinks, go home.”

“Sorry Chanyeol.” Jaehyun apologised with absolutely no sense of guilt on his face. Chanyeol just scowled at him and used his broom to shoo them away.

“Can I walk you home?” Jaehyun asked as he and Doyoung left the bar. “I feel like I owe you for making you stay back so late.”

“No it’s alright, it might be too far for you to return to campus.” Doyoung said. “And besides, the blame is partially on me. I didn’t stop you either when I saw it reached 1am.”

“I had a great time getting to know you.” Jaehyun grinned.

“Me too.” Doyoung giggled. “I haven’t found someone I could hit it off so well with in the first meeting.”

“Rather enchanting isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

It was a quiet night outside The Red Lion. Standing under the red neon lights from the huge lion sign above their heads. Jaehyun was standing there with his hands in his pockets, biting his lips as he looked at Doyoung. Doyoung’s face was slowly turning pink, either from the drink or the way Jaehyun was looking at him.

Neither of them could believe this night was real. It was too good to end.

“Can I have your number?” Jaehyun finally asked.

“Sure.” They exchanged numbers and parted for the night. The next day, Doyoung was inspired to write a song about the man he met in a bar and talked about everything and anything until the bar owner chased him out. He named the song Enchanted.

********************

“There you boys are,” Chanyeol grinned as he wiped down the bar when Jaehyun, Yuta and Johnny walked in. “My regular weekend customers. I was wondering when you boys would get here, the stools were getting dusty.”

“No need for the sarcasm hyung,” Johnny laughed. “We’re here now.”

“Who’s being sarcastic? I love it when people come into my bar, build the tab, wipe me clean of calamari and leave unforgiveable stains in my bathroom.”

“I said I was sorry.” Yuta rolled his eyes. “But you can’t blame me. Sicheng was wearing leather pants.”

“If I can hold it in, you can hold it in.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

“You’re just being too nice.” Yuta stuck his tongue out. “For god’s sake stop hiding behind your Purple Sky drink and ask Doyoung out already. We’ve been coming here every weekend for two months now.”

“Why? Are you guys planning not to come here again?” Chanyeol’s eyes widened in horror. “You know I was kidding about the bathroom thing, right?”

“It’s fine Chanyeol hyung.” Jaehyun tapped his shoulder before turning to Yuta. “I don’t want to do that yet. What if he says no?”

“He is not going to say no.” Johnny groaned. “He would have to be insane to say no. He likes you.”

“No he doesn’t.”

“Dude, stop drinking so much Coca-cola, your brain is fried. He likes you, I swear.”

“We’ll see.” Jaehyun huffed. “I’ll ask him out soon.”

“When?”

“When the time is right.”

“Which is?”

“Leave the boy alone.” Chanyeol interrupted them with their beer. “Let the boy fantasize about holding Doyoung in his arms as he falls asleep and wake up everyday hoping he is brave enough to ask him out that day.”

“Thank you hyung,” Jaehyun grinned. “See, why does my bartender get it and my friends don’t?”

“I’m not paid enough for this.” Chanyeol sighed deeply.

Ever since the first time Doyoung performed King of Shadows, he had become a regular performer in The Red Lion bar every weekend. He was slowly building up a small, local fanbase with people turning up regularly to see him perform, including Jaehyun, Yuta and Johnny. Jaehyun dubbed himself as Kim Doyoung’s fanclub president and he was, to put it lightly, embarrassingly supportive. He is that guy at the corner of the stage yelling over everyone else and whistling loudly to get his attention.

“Oh look there’s Doyoung!” Jaehyun saw him entering the bar. “Hey Doyoung! Over here!”

“Hey.”

“How are you… are you okay?” Jaehyun asked him, voice softening in concern.

“Yeah,” Doyoung adjusted his jacket. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your eyes look all puffy and red. Have you been crying?”

“What? No,” Doyoung huffed and tried to turn his face. “Don’t be silly.”

“Okay Doyoung, you’re on in 5 minutes.” Chanyeol told him.

“Are you sure you’re…” Jaehyun tried to stop him but Doyoung insisted he was fine and went back onstage. The crowd didn’t notice anything wrong with him of course, Doyoung as an absolute professional. He sang his latest song Paper Rings and everyone had a good time. He was smiling so beautifully and laughing as he told a joke about his microwave burning his toast on Tuesday. Yet somehow, Jaehyun knew something was up.

“Doyoung?” Jaehyun walked out of the bar to find the artist sitting on the pavement steps with two soju bottles next to him. He was holding a beer can in his hand. He wasn’t wearing his jacket so Jaehyun could see his shoulders slumped downwards.

“Hey Jaehyun,”

“You’re drinking alone instead of with us.” Jaehyun sat down next to him. “Something must be up.”

“It’s nothing.” Doyoung shook his head.

“It’s not nothing.”

“Well maybe but it is a silly thing.”

“Tell me anyways.”

Doyoung sighed. “Have you seen that Lay’s potato chip ad on Facebook?”

“The one with the singing potato?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. “What about it?”

“You know that jingle they were playing in the background?” Doyoung said. “I thought it was going to be my jingle.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, they were running a competition a few weeks ago for writers and producers to submit the catchiest jingle for their new advertisement. I submitted mine and I was so sure I would win, but when the ad came out I realized I didn’t.”

“Oh no.” Jaehyun frowned. “I’m so sorry.”

“I was so silly for getting my hopes up.” Doyoung sniffed, taking a gulp of beer. “I should have known. Why were they going to pick mine anyways? There must have been hundred of other submissions. What chance did I really stand anyways?”

“You stood a chance because you are talented and hardworking. I have heard your music before and it’s beautiful. Your voice is beautiful too.”

“Yeah but what’s the point if no one else hears it? I would just be singing to myself.”

“But we can hear you. You just performed in front of a packed bar who have been coming weekly to hear you. You are heard.” Jaehyun told him. “Sometimes we don’t also get the opportunities we want. Sometimes we get shut out. Sometimes we get our own resume thrown back in our faces, but we will get our shot one day. We just need to sit it out long enough to wait for it.”

“But aren’t you tired of the waiting?” Doyoung turned to him. “This jingle, had I won it, would have helped me put food on the table for at least two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I love my day job and I love singing, but Chanyeol’s fee and my paycheck at the school I work can only carry me so far. I still have rent payments and bills and…”

“I know.” Jaehyun sighed. “I know what you mean.”

“I’m bending backwards to chase a dream with only a couple of pennies in my wallet.” Doyoung mumbled, wiping a tear that escaped his eye. “What if all of this is futile? What if no one even likes my music? I feel like some old shirt tossed under the bed and left as a cleaning rag.”

The chilly night breeze started blowing. The chills made Doyoung shiver as he wrapped his hands around his naked arms. Jaehyun took off his cardigan and wrapped it around his shoulders. “You’re my favourite shirt then.” He smiled at him. “You have my favourite voice and you make my favourite music. You’re my favourite.”

Doyoung felt his heart stop. His top eyelid started quivering as he bit his lip to hold back a sob. He held onto the thin cardigan and smiled “Thank you.” He reached up to touch Jaehyun, hands on his chest as it slowly crawled up to the nape of his neck. Then, it all happened so quickly.

Jaehyun leaned forward and pressed his lips against Doyoung’s. Doyoung stiffened at the kiss, eyes flared opened in surprise. Jaehyun’s lips felt soft and warm against his cold, cracked ones. His eyes fluttered close as he started kissing him back.

“Doyoung, will you go out with me?” Jaehyun asked when he pulled back.

“Kiss me please.” Doyoung pulled him by the shirt.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Jaehyun reminded him.

“If I say yes, will you kiss me?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.” Doyoung pulled him in and this time he sunk right into his arms, kissing Jaehyun as hard as he could. Jaehyun’s arms wrapped around his slim waist, pulling him even closer. Doyoung could smell the lavender and sandalwood cologne on him. He could feel his soft hair between his fingers, the smooth skin pressing against his, something he had been dying to do for weeks. Months maybe. Their hearts pounded so fast they both felt like they could burst.

Doyoung should have known anything that made his heart burst would later kill him.

** The End **

****

_To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all I needed._

_And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite._

There was no way Doyoung could finish this song.

His heart was aching so badly he was almost hunched over in pain. His eyes were blurred with tears and an ugly, painful sob wrenched out of his lips in the most heinous way possible. He tore up the lyrics he wrote and threw them away in anger. He smashed the cup of tea against the wall as he sobbed and sobbed. Despite all that, he couldn’t remove that cardigan. He held it tighter around his body, almost like he was begging to be held by it.

After a couple of minutes, Doyoung walked to the kitchen and grabbed a can of beer. He finished it in 5 minutes, letting the bitter alcohol burn his throat. It worked though, the burn on his throat masked the burn in his chest.

Doyoung walked to his bedroom and slumped on the bed, body limp with exhaustion and his eyes hurt so badly they needed to close. He took off the cardigan and rolled over to sleep.

Then he woke up and tossed the cardigan under the bed.


	4. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven rooms in one mansion, seven years of happiness.

One of the most popular debates of Jeong Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung’s divorce was what was going to happen to their 15-million-dollar house. This was their newlywed home, a beautiful European styled mansion with 7 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, a 10-car garage, swimming pool and sitting on almost 10 acres of land in one of the most prestigious neighbourhoods in the entire country. It was a beautiful property that was only inhabited by a handful of people over the last two years it was purchased. Who was going to keep it? Were they going to sell it? Is it abandoned?

Jaehyun had returned to his house only to find all of Doyoung’s belongings were gone. The wardrobe was empty, the private recording studio he built for him was wiped clean. It wasn’t all that different from before anyways. Doyoung was never really here, though to be fair, neither was he. He walked through the house one last time before he packed his belongings. Each room in the house represented a memory. If walls could talk, this house would be telling a story.

** Room 1 **

“Are you excited for the show?” Yuta asked Doyoung as they lined up to enter the community theatre. A community production of Romeo and Juliet was playing, and Jaehyun was also involved in the writing for the script. He had been so excited for the show and practically asked every Tom, Dick and Harry (not that there were any in his university, but you get the point) to come and see the show. Jaehyun was also playing Romeo.

“I am actually.” Doyoung smiled. “Not sure how I’m going to feel seeing him kiss someone else, but I am looking forward to seeing him act.”

“He’s really good. He seems to have a thing for doing Shakespeare plays. He did Hamlet last year and while he was riveting, I didn’t understand a word of what he just said.”

“That’s because you aren’t cultured enough.” Johnny giggled.

“Thanks for the extra ticket guys.” Taeyong, Doyoung’s best friend and budding dancer smiled. “I have never seen an actual Romeo and Juliet play before.”

“Me too. This is going to be interesting.” Doyoung nodded.

“I hope I don’t fall asleep.” Yuta mumbled to himself.

Doyoung had never seen Jaehyun act before. He knew he was an amazing actor and he was always practicing lines or different accents in his spare time, but this was the first time he got to see him act in person. Jaehyun was so expressive and his voice was commanding, thundering across the tiny hall as he cried for Juliet. Even when he kissed her it didn’t bother him, because he was so engrossed in Romeo the character, not the person playing him.

“Bravo, bravo!!” Doyoung and all his friends stood up and gave a thunderous round of applause for the lead actor. They found him in the dressing room after the show ended, where he was trying to remove his thick costume.

“You did so well babe!” Doyoung ran over to him with a bouquet of flowers.

“That’s the first Shakespeare piece I didn’t fall asleep to.” Yuta laughed. “You were amazing.”

“Thank you all so much.” Jaehyun beamed, “I couldn’t have done it without your support.” He turned to Doyoung and kissed. “Especially you.”

“Ew.” Johnny made a face. “Do you mind? There are other people in this room.”

“You had no problem watching him kiss onstage though.” Taeyong pointed out.

“Yeah but that was because you were Romeo. Now you’re just lame Jaehyun and it’s weird to see you kiss.” Johnny narrowly avoided a kick in his shin as he laughed.

“He’s just jealous because he can’t act as well as you can.” Doyoung snuggled up to Jaehyun. “You were amazing.”

“Yeah, if I could act I would be Leonardo di Caprio by now.” Johnny quipped.

“You mean old?” Yuta joked and Johnny practically chased him out of the dressing room. Taeyong laughed as he followed them out, leaving Doyoung and Jaehyun to their own devices.

“We should go celebrate.” Doyoung interlaced his fingers with his. “My baby was amazing today.”

“Let’s go back to your place and just drink some wine and chill.” Jaehyun said. “I know you like that.”

“Are you sure?”

“My idea of celebrating is to be with you.” Jaehyun kissed him. “I just want to be with you tonight.”

Doyoung’s apartment was tiny, and it had the bare necessities. They didn’t have a couch and their TV was kind of small, so they sat on the floor with blankets and a bottle of wine as they watched an old Hong Kong movie. It wasn’t much, but they were together and that was enough.

** Room 2 **

“This is your wage for this week.” Mr. Kim Joonmyun, the yoghurt shop manager gave Jaehyun his weekly pay. “Remember, tomorrow you and Eric are switching to make milkshakes instead.”

“Awww shucks.” Jaehyun made a face. He wasn’t a fan of making milkshakes. It was always more messy than churning yoghurt.

“A deal is a deal.” Joonmyun made a face. “Don’t spend all your money at once.”

“Sure boss.” Jaehyun took off his ugly teal coloured EXO Yoghurt staff apron and tucked the cash away. He managed to negotiate a pay rise with Joonmyun, rather begrudgingly in fact. With the cash he made this week, he could afford to take Doyoung out to a nice dinner at the end of the week. And by nice dinner, he just meant a restaurant that uses linen napkins. Two years into the relationship and their idea of romance is just silver knives and forks.

“Hey Jaehyun!” Eric, his coworker raised his hand at him. “A bunch of us are going for samgyupsal later, wanna join us?”

“Nah, not tonight.” Jaehyun tied his shoelaces and checked himself in the shop mirror. “I have got somewhere to be.”

“Ah, it must be today.” Eric teased. “You better hurry then. It’s almost 7pm.”

“Shit!” Jaehyun checked his watch and gasped. “I gotta go!! BYE!!!” The boy literally flew out of the shop back door, trying to put on his old varsity jacket at the same time.

Jaehyun ran down the street, dashed across the road (the walking sign was on), avoided old ladies and their support dogs, narrowly bumped into a mother and her baby and turned another corner. He finally arrived the park, just when the sun was setting and casting it’s purple pink glow to the sky. He ran down a little further until he came to a clearing near the fountain. Doyoung was sitting on the grass with Johnny next to him, tuning his guitar. Today was Doyoung’s first ever busking gig near Han River. His hands were shaking as he held the microphone closer to him.

“I am so nervous.” Doyoung breathed. “What if no one shows up?”

“Impossible.” Johnny chuckled. “There are tons of people around us now, all they have to do is stop and listen.”

“You’ll do great Doie!” Jaehyun smiled at him. “I’m looking forward to this.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung grinned, feeling his heart calm down just a little when he saw Jaehyun. “Good luck kiss?” Jaehyun leaned forward and kissed him for more than just good luck.

Watching Doyoung sing is something Jaehyun could do for the rest of his life. As the crowd slowly began to form around him while he belted a romantic rendition of I Will Spend My Whole Life Loving You, Jaehyun started counting the number of people who stopped to see him. He kept on and on counting as the number increased. Taeyong was filming the performance carefully, wanting to upload it on Doyoung’s newly made YouTube channel.

“You are going to be famous one day babe,” Jaehyun said as he and Doyoung walked back to his college dorm. “There were 50 people who stopped to listen to you. 50!! On your first day!!”

“You pushed them to listen to me!” Doyoung whined. “It was so embarrassing. It was like you were trying to sell insurance or something.”

“And it worked! Every single one of them was enamored by you, and many more will be too when Taeyong uploads the video on your new YouTube channel.” Jaehyun made a kissy face. “And who wouldn’t? My baby is the best.”

“I’m sure some of them stopped to stare at you.” Doyoung made a face back at him. “I heard one of the girls saying you looked like a model.”

“Well, I could be,” Jaehyun made a face. “If I score this audition for the Colgate toothpaste commercial.”

“You’re going to get it.” Doyoung grinned. “In two weeks, my boyfriend will be the Colgate Tooth Fairy and your face will be on billboards all over the world.”

“And speaking of billboards, my boyfriend will be on the top of the Billboard charts one day.” Jaehyun spun him around playfully in the streets.

“That sounds like fun!” Doyoung laughed. “Can you imagine us attending red-carpet shows together?”

“God, we would make the sexiest red-carpet couple ever.”

“I know.” Doyoung kissed him. “And you will star in my music video as my love interest.”

“And the media will go crazy watching us.”

“Everybody will be jealous.”

“And it won’t matter.”

“Because we have each other.”

Jaehyun rubbed his nose against his. “Here’s to stardom baby.”

“To stardom.”

That night, Doyoung snuck into Jaehyun’s college dorm and made love to him on the top of his college bunk bed. Thankfully his roommate Yuta was away back in Japan, because they made love again the next morning on his bottom bunk bed.

** Room 3 **

Jaehyun rarely spoke about his family. Meanwhile he knew everything about Doyoung’s. How his dad died young. How his mum raised him and his brother alone. How she knew he was gay from quote ‘the day he left the womb’ and how she still manages to attend yoga classes every week for almost a decade while running a successful coffee shop chain.

Family is kind of like the Superman underwear in your drawer. No matter how hard you try to hide it, it finds a way to resurface every single time.

“Has your dad been living alone all this time?” Doyoung asked Jaehyun as they drove out of the city centre to visit his father. Doyoung had been nervous about it all week when Jaehyun first told him.

“Yes, especially after mum died.” Jaehyun said. “She passed while I was in high school and it was difficult for us. Well, him more than me because I was rarely home.”

“What’s your father like?”

“He’s… a loner.” Jaehyun made a face. “he’s a difficult man to understand. Only my mum knew him best.”

“Her passing must have been a huge blow to him.”

“It was. I don’t think he has been feeling right after that.”

Both of them arrived at Jaehyun’s childhood home. It was a small house in the suburb with faded paint and a rather unkempt garden just in front of it. A middle-aged woman smiled as she opened the door and greeted them. “Welcome boys.”

“Hi Aunt Kimmy.” Jaehyun hugged her warmly. “Aunt Kimmy, this is my boyfriend Doyoung. Doyoung, this is my dad’s sister Kimmy.”

“A pleasure to meet you.” She smiled at Doyoung. “God you are even more handsome than Jaehyun described in his messages.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung smiled as he bowed politely. “This is for you and the family.” He said, handing over a large fruit box wrapped in a red cloth.

“Thank you so much.” She grinned. “Come on in.”

Jaehyun’s childhood home had the essence of a warm and inviting place, but it seems like time ate most of it away. The paint on the walls faded just like the paint outside the house. The décor was very 90s, as shown by the older appliances like the TV and radio. There were pictures on the walls, pictures of a younger Jaehyun and his mum. His mother was very beautiful. Doyoung could understand where Jaehyun got his looks from.

“Appa?” Jaehyun called out when he stepped in. He found his father sitting in a rocking chair in his study. Jaehyun’s father didn’t look as old as he was often described, but he looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Appa it’s me.”

“Look, it’s little Yoonoh.” Aunt Kimmy told her brother. “Don’t you remember him?”

“Yoonoh…” his father mumbled. Jaehyun bent down on one knee and took his father’s hand. His father shook it and Jaehyun smiled.

“Appa, let me introduce you to someone.” Jaehyun beckoned Doyoung to join him. “This is Doyoung appa. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Hello Mr Jeong.” Doyoung bowed, trying to hide the fact that his voice was shaking from nervousness.

“Boyfriend…” Mr Jeong mumbled again. He looked at Doyoung for a bit, then his eyes trailed away, like he lost his focus again.

“He does that.” Jaehyun explained. Aunt Kimmy helped the two boys settled back in Jaehyun’s childhood bedroom and soon they got ready for dinner. Doyoung helped Aunt Kimmy in the kitchen while Jaehyun took his father for a walk in the little garden out front.

“Jaehyun was very close to his mother.” Aunt Kimmy explained while she stirred the soup in the pot over fire. “The poor darling.”

“You mean Jaehyun?”

“No, I mean his mother.” Aunt Kimmy said. “My brother has never been… right per se. He used to be in the army you see, and probably got knocked on his head wrong.”

“Oh.” Doyoung nodded. “Does Jaehyun come back to see him?”

“He does, every month or so, although I wouldn’t blame him if he hesitates sometimes. It’s tough being a final year college student, working part time and chase his acting career all at the same time. He tries to help out financially but I told him to keep his money. He needs it more than we do.”

Doyoung helped Aunt Kimmy to set the table for dinner. Dinner was going fairly smoothly with Aunt Kimmy doing most of the talking. Doyoung was watching Mr Jeong eat, his shaky hands lifting up the spoon weakly. Doyoung reached for a napkin to help wipe off some of the dribbles off Mr Jeong’s chin. The older man shrugged Doyoung off and whined loudly. Doyoung drew his hand back in embarrassment.

“Appa, Doyoung was just trying to help.” Jaehyun sighed, putting a hand over Doyoung’s to reassure him.

“It’s okay Jaehyun.” Aunt Kimmy said. “He’s just not used to having someone else touch him.”

“Drink.” Mr Jeong mumbled.

“Appa, no.” Jaehyun said. “The doctor said you can’t have any.” Doyoung guessed that drink meant alcohol.

“Drink.” Mr Jeong mumbled again, this time louder.

“No Appa. You promised me last time.”

“I want a drink.”

“Appa…”

“DRINK!!” Mr Jeong raised his voice and slammed the table. Doyoung gasped in shock at the sudden outburst.

“Stop it!” Aunt Kimmy slapped his arm. “Look at what you did, you spilled your vegetables.”

“Drink!!!” Mr Jeong started growling as he slammed the table again. He shook in his chair and started groaning and whining. He kicked the foot of the table and the table shook so hard the soup almost spilled out of their bowls.

“I’ll get you a drink later, finish your meal.”

“Appa,” Jaehyun’s voice broke in a mix of anger and sadness, “why are you doing this? Why are you embarrassing me like this?”

“Jaehyun it’s okay,” Doyoung put a hand over his. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“Drink!” Mr Jeong growled and glared at his son own son and Jaehyun sunk back in his own seat. Aunt Kimmy slapped her brother’s arm one more time and sighed. “Finish the meal and go to bed kids.”

Having a parent with Alzheimer’s isn’t easy. Having a parent with Alzheimer’s whom you previously didn’t have a perfect relationship with doesn’t make it any easier either. Doyoung followed Jaehyun back into his childhood bedroom. The walls were painted blue and he still had a Batman blanket on his bed.

“What’s this?” Doyoung asked, picking up a little pirate toy hat on the shelf.

“I was obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean.” Jaehyun chuckled. “Johnny Depp was my idol.”

“Of course. The man is a legend.”

“I have always wanted to play pirates with someone when I was a kid, but my parents were busy and the other kids in the neighbourhood were too old to play with me.”

“That sucks.” Doyoung said. “If I was there I would play with you every day.”

“Maybe they were scared of my dad.” Jaehyun mused.

“Was he really scary?”

“He wasn’t jolly, that’s for sure.” Jaehyun said. “You know how some dads are all warm and smiley and they play with their daughters and dress up with them? Mine was the exact opposite. My dad was a loner and he was a little rough.”

“He drunk a lot?”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun nodded. “And he got mad every time he finished.”

“What did you do then?”

“Hide in the closet.” Jaehyun pointed to a large wardrobe in front of the bed. “I’d stay there until he stopped screaming or yelling.”

Doyoung hugged him from behind. His heart ached at the thought of a mini Jeong Jaehyun hiding because his father scared him. “You should move in with me.” He said.

“Really?” Jaehyun turned around to look at him. “We’re having this discussion now?”

“I can play pirates with you every day if you move in.”

Jaehyun laughed warmly. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

And so he did. He moved in a week after and it made Doyoung’s already small apartment even smaller. They didn’t have a big enough wardrobe for clothes, so they started sharing them (hence the whole clothes stealing argument). The bed was barely big enough for two full grown men but that meant they had to hold each other closer to sleep. Their living styles were very different too. Jaehyun wanted a cabinet to store his LP collection but Doyoung argued that was too expensive. Doyoung wanted a mini fridge in his bedroom but Jaehyun argued that it was a waste of money and space. They kept bumping into each other in the kitchen and Doyoung complains about Jaehyun’s towels mixing up with the clean ones.

But for every arrangement annoyance, there was a kiss on a shoulder if they passed by one another. For every battle of the blankets, there was entangling limbs and sensual touches. For every missing sock Doyoung complains about, there was a half-naked Jaehyun dragging Doyoung into the shower with him.

Living together was messy and wild, but it was fun. There were days when all they could afford to eat were tins of beans and day old rice, but at least they had each other.

** Room 4 **

“MY DUDE!!!” Yuta stormed into his college dorm where Jaehyun was trying to study with his nose in a book. “You are going to thank me for this.”

“I am?” Jaehyun made a face. “What am I supposed to thank you for?”

“Okay, remember my cousin Takuya that I was telling you about?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, his ex’s boyfriend’s sister in law has relatives here, so he told me that she has a friend who’s married to the cousin of…”

“Yuta, Yuta,” Jaehyun sighed. “Hurry up, I’ve got finals in two hours.”

“Choi Siwon.”

“Who?”

“Choi Siwon the talent agent!!!” Yuta jumped up and down. “I just asked Takuya for his number and he gave it to me!!”

So?” Jaehyun made a face. “I don’t get it.”

“I haven’t finished yet.” Yuta huffed. “I sent a clip of your last community theatre show to him.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!” Jaehyun jumped up and nearly tackled him. “Yuta!!!”

“What?! He liked it!!” Yuta raised his hands in defense. “He wants to come to your next show and see you in person!”

“Wait, he does?” Jaehyun dropped a jaw. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not kidding. He said you have a real leading man potential.” Yuta pulled out his phone to show him the conversations he had with him. “See? He’s coming to your next show.”

“Holy fuck.” Jaehyun shook. He had sent his clips to various agencies before and they have all rejected him. “Are you serious?”

“I’m serious.” Yuta grinned. “You’re one step closer to stardom.”

“OH MY GOD!!!!” Jaehyun hugged him. “I love you so much Nakamoto Yuta!!!”

“You are very much welcomed.” Yuta hugged him back. “Don’t forget to mention me in your thank you speech, and your exam is in an hour.”

“FUCK!!!” Jaehyun panicked as he picked up his book and ran out.

Jaehyun’s next live show at the community theatre was a week after his finals. He was playing Jean Valjean in Les Miserables and practically everyone in the theatre had their eyes peeled for Choi Siwon. Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny were taking turns in craning their heads to find out where Choi Siwon was.

“Where the heck is he?” Doyoung looked around. “I can’t see him.”

“He told me he would be here.” Yuta sighed. “Maybe he’s just late.”

“He has to be here.” Doyoung bit his lip. “Jaehyun has been looking forward to this all week.”

“He will be.” Yuta said. “But in the meantime, I will record everything to send it to him again.”

The show ended and of course Jaehyun performed wonderfully as anticipated. Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny still couldn’t find any traces of the so-called talent agent. Doyoung was mentally rehearsing his lines to break the bad news to him, except when they went backstage, Choi Siwon was already talking to Jaehyun.

“Mr. Choi!” Yuta dropped his jaw.

“Yuta!” Siwon smiled warmly. “It’s lovely to see you again.”

“I thought you weren’t here.” Yuta shook his hand. “We looked everywhere for you but we couldn’t find you.”

“I was actually there for the first 10 minutes, but after that I disappeared because I had to make an important call.”

“Oh?” Doyoung frowned. “Is everything okay? Didn’t you like his performance?”

“No.”

“Oh,” Doyoung ran up to Jaehyun and hugged him. “Baby I…”

“I loved it.” Siwon grinned. Everyone else around him, including Jaehyun gasped and started screaming. “I was on the phone with my agency to set up a proper screen test. Your friend here has the makings of a star.”

“OH MY GOD!!!” Doyoung squealed as he jumped up and down in Jaehyun’s arms. “Did you hear that?!?! You’re going to be a star!!!”

The screen test was a hit and Jaehyun was officially signed as a rookie actor to M Actors. A week later, he got his first gig as the third male lead in a small web series. It wasn’t much and it paid only marginally more than his weekly wage at EXO Supermarket, but it was still something.

“Hello sir,” Jaehyun mumbled as he tossed and turned on the bed. “Can I get your coffee?”

“Are you done?” Doyoung giggled, stirring the soup in the pot. “You’ve been rehearsing that same line for hours now.”

“I’m trying to decide which tone to use.” Jaehyun closed his eyes. “Hello sir, can I get your coffee?”

“Just relax babe, you are going to do just fine.” Doyoung reassured him, gently scooping the rice out of the small rice cooker. “I mean, you only have 5 scenes in total.”

“5 scenes are more than I have ever gotten anywhere else.” Jaehyun sighed. “I just want to do well.”

“You won’t be anywhere close to doing well unless you eat.” Doyoung chastised him. “Come on, time for dinner. I only made kimchi jjigae with tofu and we have some sweet tea in the fridge. It’s all we can afford this week.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jaehyun walked up to him and wrapped his arms around Doyoung, kissing him deeply. “One day, we will be able to have all the meat we want in every meal we desire.”

“I can’t wait.” Doyoung chuckled. “Okay let me go. It’s time to eat. I’ve been starving ever since I finished filming that cover for my YouTube channel.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Jaehyun!”

“Can you sit on my lap and feed me?”

“I will kill you!!” Doyoung threatened in the least threatening manner possible as Jaehyun snuck his hands under his sweater and kissed his exposed neck. The soup was cold by the time they actually started eating it.

A few weeks later, Doyoung woke up to approximately 100 missed calls from Taeyong. He checked his phone but he couldn’t understand what the fuss was. Then he went onto Twitter and his jaw dropped. His last cover, ‘wish you were gay’ by Billie Eilish was featured on her twitter page.

_@BillieEilish: Great cover! Your voice is so beautiful! Keep it up._

Billie Eilish tweeted his cover.

Billie Eilish told him it was beautiful.

Billie Eilish told him to keep singing.

He watched the numbers on her tweet climb. It was 1500, then 3490, then 8678, then 10,000.

_@BTS4EVER: OMG WHO IS HE?!?! SOMEONE DROP HIS DETAILS?!_

_@tswiftslefttoe:His voice is amazing! Time to stan him!_

_@tvxqaesthetics: Guys, his name is Kim Doyoung and he is super talented! Check out his cover of TVXQ’s Bolero here!_

_@biebersecondwife: I need him and Billie to collab NOW_

Doyoung watched the tweets climb higher and he knew then and there, his life would never be the same. He covered his face with a pillow and screamed into oblivion.

** Room 5 **

“Alright now you can do this.” Taeyong patted Doyoung’s shoulders like he was a boxer going to fight. “You can do this! You feeling good? Feeling strong?”

“I feel good.” Doyoung nodded. He looked to his left and a huge modern building was there as he panned upwards. Last week, he was contacted by someone named Emma from Dream Entertainment, one of the country’s most prominent record label. ‘Emma’ told him to come in for an interview and audition, and she sounded very positive that he was going to get it. Doyoung was confident at first, but now that he actually was here in front of Dream Entertainment’s headquarters, he was starting to have some doubts.

“Look, I want to say no pressure but this is literally one of the biggest opportunities of our lives right now.” Taeyong said. “We went from performing in small bars, to Soundcloud, to busking, to YouTube and now this. This is it. This is your chance to make it big.”

“I know.” Doyoung felt the butterflies in his stomach. “I can do this.”

“You just need to sing, and sing from your heart.” Taeyong told him. “That’s what we love you for, and that’s what gives your music meaning.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung hugged his best friend tight. “I wish Jaehyun could be here.”

“Yeah, it’s sad that he has to film today, but think about it, if you get in, this could be a surprise for him.”

“Yeah.” Doyoung grinned a little wider. “Let’s go.” He held his best friend’s hand and they walked inside the building.

A couple of weeks later, Jaehyun stormed into the apartment with a duffel bag, yelling out Doyoung’s name repeatedly. “Doyoung?! Doyoung?!”

“Jaehyun?!?!” Doyoung arrived the apartment a couple of minutes later, eyes bright with excitement as he jumped into his arms. “I have some freaking exciting news you are NOT going to believe it.”

“Oh my gosh me too!!”

“You should go first I… why are you carrying that duffel bag?” Doyoung looked down with his eyes wide pointing to the bag. “Oh god, did you murder someone?”

“Yes I did.” Jaehyun made a face. “And I’m on my way to throw his body in the lake.”

“Well it can’t be Johnny, the bag is too small. Is it Woozi?”

“I was just joking.” Jaehyun laughed loudly. “Though the fact that you would help me bury a body turns me on slightly.”

“Shut up!” Doyoung slapped his chest. “I’m serious, who’s going first?”

“You can go first.” Jaehyun grinned. “Mine has some theatrics involved.”

“Of course it does.” Doyoung rolled his eyes fondly. “Okay, so, you should sit on the bed first.”

“Why?” Jaehyun’s face drooped with concern. “Am I going to be knocked out or something?”

“Well, maybe.” Doyoung smiled so widely his eyes almost disappeared. “Because, you are talking to Dream Entertainment’s newest signed artist.”

“Hang on,” Jaehyun blinked. “You’re telling me… you…”

“I got in Jaehyun.”

“OH MY GOD” Jaehyun screamed and covered his mouth in shock. Doyoung couldn’t stop laughing as Jaehyun squealed in excitement.

“Wait, that’s not the best part.” Doyoung spoke through his laughter.

“How is that not the best part?!” Jaehyun was close to hyperventilating. “What else are you hiding from me?”

“I sent the label a bunch of tracks I had written before, including King of Shadow, and they loved it so much, they are going to put it in my debut album.” Doyoung tried to hold back tears of excitement. “I am going to make my debut.”

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun pulled him close. “I fucking love you so much.”

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung wiped a tear from his eye. “This is all because of you. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“No babe, you deserve this because you are so talented. Your hard work and dedication bought you here. It has nothing to do with us.”

“It has everything to do with you.” Doyoung cupped his face lovingly. “If you didn’t encourage me and believe in me, I would have given up on myself a long time ago. You are my greatest muse and the reason I wake up in the morning. You taught me how to love myself and without you, I would have been lost. I love you so much Jaehyun.”

“Well,” Jaehyun sniffed, trying to hold back his tears, “Your surprise just beat mine.”

“What is yours?”

“You remember the web drama I did?” Jaehyun said. “Well, it turns out it was way more successful than the studios anticipated, so they kind of… upped my salary.”

“Upped by how much?”

“This much.” Jaehyun opened the duffel bag and now it was Doyoung’s turn to scream. The bag was filled to the brim with cash and Doyoung had to resist the urge to bury himself in it.

“JAEHYUN!!” Doyoung turned to him. “They gave you cash?!!”

“No, I asked for it.” Jaehyun smiled cheekily. “It took them a while but they actually did it.”

“Why did you ask for cash? How did you even walk down the street like this without being robbed?”

“I am a dramatic bitch and I will get my way in the end anyways.” Jaehyun winked.

“That I know.” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “But babe, this cash…”

“I know.”

“Are we… rich?”

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun shrugged, “But maybe this means we are finally going somewhere.”

“You know how much cash is in here right?”

“Yeah why?”

Doyoung took the cash out of the bag and buried his nose in it, taking the deepest inhale he had taken all day. He threw them up in the air and watched the bills fall down. Jaehyun burst into laughter and he joined him, throwing the cash all over the room and the two of them crying and spinning in happiness.

“Have you ever had sex on a pile of cash?” Jaehyun pulled Doyoung into his arms, tucking his hands under his shirt.

“No,” Doyoung removed his shirt and climbed onto the bed, surrounded by dollar bills. “It sounds absolutely disgusting.”

“Babe, one day, we will make so much money you could use 100-dollar bills to wipe your cum stains off.” Jaehyun stripped himself with only his boxers remaining as he climbed onto the bed. Doyoung pulled him by the thin silver chain on his neck and kissed him deeply. He took a couple of bills and tucked them into the waistband of Jaehyun’s boxers. Jaehyun chuckled and flipped them over so that Doyoung was straddling him.

“We made it.” Doyoung kissed his neck. “Our dreams are coming true.”

“Mine came true a long time ago.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it was the day I met you.”

Doyoung smirked as he pressed down on Jaehyun’s groin. “Just say you want my ass and go.”

“I am about to fulfill another dream of mine,” Jaehyun pinched his thighs and gripped them harder “Sex with a famous singer.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes as Jaehyun pulled him down. For the first time in a long while, they see hope, the end of a struggle and the beginning of a bright future.

** Room 6 **

Then came the year that felt like 7 years were crammed in one. Doyoung and Jaehyun’s lives changed drastically in just a couple of months. Jaehyun officially dropped out of college to focus on his budding career. Ever since his debut work, he had been in 3 other web dramas and even scored a supporting role on a TV drama. He made friends everywhere he worked and all the directors told him he had talent and potential. “Just keep at it.” They told him. “You will be a huge star soon.”

In Jaehyun’s opinion, no character he ever played can be as nerve wrecking as this. Playing Doyoung’s onscreen lover in his music video.

“Why are you so nervous?” Doyoung teased him while they were doing their makeup. “You’re sweating so much.”

“I have never been in a music video before.” Jaehyun rubbed his hands. “How are you so calm?”

“I have filmed about 3 of these now, I’m getting used to it.” Doyoung laughed. “You will do fine babe.”

“You think so?” Jaehyun looked at him. “This is your title track, I really don’t wanna ruin it.”

“You won’t ruin it.” Doyoung rubbed his shoulders. “There are so many factors in an album’s success. Your acting in one music video won’t decide the fate of it all.”

“It’s a rather gutsy move, having a guy as your love interest in your debut music video.” Jaehyun pointed out. Doyoung and Jaehyun agreed that they would keep their relationship a secret from the public for the time being. They would much rather have the attention be on their work rather than each other for the time being. However, that didn’t stop Doyoung from readily casting Jaehyun in his music video.

“Hey, just because I’m not publicly talking about my relationship doesn’t mean I want people readily assuming I am heterosexual.” Doyoung grinned. “I am gay as hell and thriving.”

“Nice,” Jaehyun chuckled. “No arguments there.”

The two of them looked around the dressing room. Staff members were running around getting the set ready so no one was paying too much attention to them. Doyoung snuck his hand in Jaehyun’s and smiled. “Thank you.” He mouthed you him.

“Anything for you” Jaehyun whispered back. The director called their names and it was time to film.

Doyoung’s debut single was called Sleepover, and naturally they had to have a scene of the two lovers in bed. Right before they started shooting, it was Doyoung who started feeling the nerves. He was perfectly fine teasing Jaehyun about being all red-faced and giggly a couple of minutes ago, but now he felt like jumping off a building while Jaehyun was looking as cool as a cucumber.

“Now I need you to be as close as possible.” Seulgi, the director of his music video said. “You need to look like you guys are in love.”

“Got it.” Doyoung huffed, holding his wrist tightly to calm his erratic heart. He was dressed in a white button up that was at least one size bigger, showing off his long neck and wide shoulders. The scene they were filming was on a bed and even though this was clearly Doyoung’s idea, he was starting to have second thoughts.

It didn’t help that Jaehyun looked so incredibly beautiful. He walked onto the set in his matching white top and his hair parted sideways. His cheekbones were delicately highlighted, and the shirt was sheer enough for you to see his sculpted abs. Yes, this is their 6th year in a relationship and yes Jaehyun is still the same guy that bumps his toe against the kitchen table every morning, but god damn is he perfect.

“You guys ready?” Seulgi asked.

“Yeah sure.” Doyoung stuttered, climbing onto the bed. Jaehyun rested his head on his arm to use as a pillow and laid down next to Doyoung. He looked at Doyoung and smiled softly. Doyoung could feel his stomach flip again.

Soft music started pouring out from the speakers while Seulgi yelled ‘action’. Doyoung could hear his own voice singing a dreamy tune. _But at least I got you in my head, oh yeah, At least I got you in my head, in my head, Sleepovers in my bed, oh yeah_

Jaehyun leaned over to take his hand, smiling as Doyoung started singing. They could hear the sound of the camera whirring above them as it moved to capture the best angle, but for a bit, it was just the two of them. Doyoung was about to close his eyes and lean closer when Seulgi yelled ‘cut’.

“Let’s try an even more intimate angle.” Seulgi said. “I’m deciding, should we take your clothes off?”

“What?” Doyoung stuttered, face turning pink. “I uh…”

“I’ll only do it if he says I should.” Jaehyun jumped to his defense. “I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

“Doyoung should be fine right? I mean it’s not like you guys are dating or whatever,” Seulgi shrugged casually. “What’s a naked man between guys? Should be cool right?”

“Uh… yeah.” Doyoung cleared his throat. “Let’s do this.”

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun checked on him. “You don’t need to do this if it bothers you.”

“No it’s fine.” Doyoung huffed. “I should be professional about this, and it would make a more intimate cut for the music video.”

“If you say so.” Jaehyun adjusted himself so that Doyoung could straddle him. “I got you.” He whispered to him just as Seulgi yelled “Action.”

The music started again as Jaehyun interlaced his hand with his. He looked into Jaehyun’s eyes and smiled lovingly.

_I got you Doyoung._

_I can do this. I can do this because it’s Jaehyun._

Doyoung closed his eyes as Jaehyun slowly unbuttoned his shirt for him. He let the lyrics take him away as he shrugged the shirt off, revealing him in only a pair of shorts. Jaehyun sat up to kiss his chest “Fucking beautiful” he mumbled quietly as the music continued.

_Come on, let's sleep in my bed  
Can I just be in my head with you?  
Come on, let's sleep in my bed  
Can I just be in my head with you?_

They closed their eyes as they let the music dictate their movements. They didn’t kiss, they just simply hovered their lips over every inch of exposed skin. Doyoung’s fingers pried Jaehyun’s shirt apart, hands all over his body to touch and feel him, like this was what he needed to survive. Doyoung finally opened his eyes to look into Jaehyun’s forehead pressing against his as Jaehyun caressed his waist.

“I love you.” Doyoung whispered.

“CUT!!!” Seulgi grinned.

“We didn’t even kiss.” Jaehyun turned to her.

“Let’s not show our viewers everything.” She winked. “Let them use their imagination to complete the picture for once.”

********************

**_The Sun: Kim Doyoung’s Debut Music Video is Here, and It’s Sexy AF_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: Kim Doyoung’s Debut Music Video Achieves Ratings_ **

**_Buzzbuzz News: Check Out Kim Doyoung and Jeong Jaehyun’s Undeniable Sexual Tension Here_ **

********************

“Are you two dating?” Yumi, one of Jaehyun’s costars on the set of his very first TV drama asked him. She showed him her phone where she was checking out Doyoung’s debut music video and smiled knowingly at him. “Because this tension between you two is hot.”

“We’re very good friends.” Jaehyun giggled, looking down at his script. “We have known each other for a long time, I guess that’s how we work together so well.”

“Dang, because Doyoung is hot though.” Yumi made a face. “Are you sure he isn’t into girls?”

“Nope.”

“Damn it.” She sighed. “What about you? Are you into girls?”

“I’m bisexual.” Jaehyun said. “So yes, I do like girls.”

“True but do you REALLY like them?” she raised another eyebrow. “Because you and Doyoung would make a hot couple.”

“Shut up.”

“No I’m serious!” she said. “The media can’t stop talking about the both of you. Doyoung is the hottest singer right now and you are one of brightest stars of the acting world. Everybody wants to know if you two are together.”

“Would you like it if we were?”

“I don’t know, but you two would make a hot looking couple at least.” She laughed. “Don’t people ask you about him all the time?”

“Constantly.” Jaehyun laughed. “My manager Johnny has started screening questions now because of it. Every third question after my drama is ‘What was it like to play Doyoung’s onscreen lover?’”

“And how did you answer?”

“It was…” Jaehyun smiled a little. “Fun.”

“Natural?”

“Yeah.” He bit his lip to stop himself from smiling. “I suppose you could say that.”

Both Doyoung and Jaehyun fielded questions about their relationship status like championship dodgeball players, quickly and skillfully. It was part of the thrill, making everyone around them guess whether or not they were in relationships. They started posting pictures of their outings occasionally on social media, and it drove the fans wild. The fans called them JaeDo or DoJae, a moniker of their two names together, even though they weren’t publicly together. Whether they were or not was beside the point for their management, the fans frenzy did wonders for publicity. Doyoung’s album climbed to number one in 3 weeks and his song was one of the most played on radio. Jaehyun’s drama ended with very high ratings and he was instantly snapped up to do another drama. Johnny had to start filtering scripts for him and coordinating meetings with other producers who were interested in him. Doyoung went from busker to Top Artist and Jaehyun went from theatre boy to The Next Brad Pitt.

With their newfound success, money started flowing in like water. Jaehyun cleared off his student debts and Doyoung bought a house for his family. They were finally able to move out of Doyoung’s cheap, tiny apartment and into a modern house in the middle of a fancy neighborhood. On the last night of their stay in the tiny apartment, Jaehyun walked over to Doyoung seated on the floor with a bottle of wine. The couple ordered Chinese food for dinner because they just had a full day of schedules and couldn’t be bothered to even cook.

“Here you go.” Jaehyun poured him a glass. “we finally have a proper Merlot now.”

“I know right,” Doyoung giggled. “We used to drink those cheap wines that tasted more like grape juice.”

“Well, those days are over.” Jaehyun clinked his glass. “Tomorrow we move to a new place and we will finally have room for your mini fridge and my LP collection.”

“I am going to miss this place.” Doyoung sighed, bringing his knees close together. They looked around the partially empty apartment. “Thera re just so many memories here.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun nodded. “Remember that Christmas when we put a tiny Christmas tree in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, and that cat from upstairs that climbs down to eat the food you leave out on the balcony.”

“That tiny bathroom that gets flooded after every shower.”

“That chest of drawers that stored dozens of cold calendars and take out menus.”

“This floor that creaked every time we walked.” Doyoung laughed. “Remember when we tried to dance?”

“Oh gosh don’t remind me.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Your downstairs neighbour climbed up and yelled at us in Chinese. He was pointing his walking stick at us and trying to poke our eyes out.”

“And this bed.” Doyoung turned around to look at his bed and sighed. “This tiny bed.”

“Squeaked every time I sat on it to wear my socks.”

“Yeah, but we did have lots of fun on it.” Doyoung grinned slyly.

“Oh we did.” Jaehyun smirked. “I’m surprised it’s still standing.”

“Yeah, and I only paid less than 100 bucks for it.”

“In our new house, we’re getting a bed made of iron.”

“Shut up!” Doyoung laughed. “We did have a lot of good memories in this place, didn’t we?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun smiled warmly. “I guess we did. I’m going to miss this place.”

“Me too,” Doyoung sighed and rested his head on Jaehyun’s chest. “You know, when I rented this place, I thought it would just be a place for me to sleep. It really has become home to me.”

“Because of the time you spent in it?”

“No, because of you.” Doyoung looked at him. “This place is home because you are in it, and I’m excited to build a new one with you. My home is forever with you.” He pulled Jaehyun’s face in closer, kissing him deeply. Jaehyun smiled into the kiss and caressed his face.

“Marry me.” He whispered.

“That’s not a real proposal.” Doyoung giggled.

“Just answer me.” Jaehyun looked at him.

“Yes.” Doyoung answered. He closed his eyes and let Jaehyun take him in his arms and promise him forever.

A few months later, somewhere in between Jaehyun’s first movie filming and Doyoung’s album being certified gold, Jaehyun proposed to Doyoung in a restaurant in front of all their friends and family. Doyoung’s parents were there, his brother was there, Yuta flew in from Japan, Taeyong who is now Doyoung’s manager, Ten who is Doyoung’s choreographer, Johnny his best friend and now manager. It couldn’t have been more perfect. A room full of people who they love and trust, the sound of a jazz saxophonist in the background, Jaehyun in the most expensive tux he has ever worn and a beautiful silver ring in a box.

“Yes.” Doyoung answered again, his eyes filled to the brim with tears. “Of course I will marry you.”

There was truly nothing that could stop them. All that’s left was just to answer a few questions the world was dying to know the answer to. All it took was one photo and two statements from their agencies.

********************

**_The Sun: Breaking: Kim Doyoung and Jeong Jaehyun are Engaged_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: JaeDo is Real and Getting Married_ **

**_Wowza: JaeDo is Engaged: Proof that Love is Real_ **

********************

** The Last Room **

“OH MY GOODNESS!!!” Paparazzi started yelling at each other and piling on top of each other as they clamoured to take pictures of stars on the red carpet. “JEONG JAEHYUN, KIM DOYOUNG!! OVER HERE!!”

Jaehyun and Doyoung waved at their fans as they walked down the red-carpet hand in hand. Matching silver bands adorned their fingers as they posed for photos in front of the thousands of cameras that flashed nonstop. It was the very first time that the two of them were invited to the Baeksang Awards. Jaehyun was nominated for best new actor while Doyoung was expected to perform. This was their red-carpet debut since announcing their engagement a few months ago.

“My cheeks hurt.” Doyoung made a yawning expression and massaged his cheek.

“Mine too.” Jaehyun laughed, pulling him closer. “I feel so nervous.”

“Now remember, no matter what happens, you are still a winner to me.” Doyoung smiled at him. “It’s an honour to even be mentioned.”

“It is.” Jaehyun sighed. “But I want to win.” Doyoung rolled his eyes and nudged him. Overcompetitive Jeong Jaehyun knew no limits.

Sadly, that year was not the year for Jaehyun. He lost the award to another actor but it didn’t matter as much as Jaehyun thought. Doyoung was there next to him, holding his hand when they made the announcement. He rubbed the silver band on his finger and told him. “One day it’ll be your turn.”

“I know.” Jaehyun whispered. He may have lost the trophy, but he still has Doyoung, and that felt like the best exchange in the world.

Has anyone ever tried to plan a wedding with the whole world in attendance? It’s next to impossible, which is why it was a blessing that Ten and Taeyong stepped up to the job. “I have to manage your ass on a regular basis and plan your wedding?” Taeyong rolled his eyes. “You better name your first child after me.”

“Oh please, you enjoy this.” Doyoung smirked. “As if you weren’t picking out catering menus the day we told you we were getting married.”

“I did not such thing.” Taeyong stuck his tongue out. “Now hurry up and tell me. Do you want an outdoor wedding or an indoor party?”

As wedding planning started to get busy, so did Doyoung and Jaehyun. Their careers started flourishing immediately. Doyoung won his first best new artist title and was beginning to plan for his first tour. Jaehyun started doing advertisements and magazine shoots. Any article mentioning their names would instantly skyrocket to the top of any Google search and their social media following blossomed. Doyoung couldn’t go anywhere without security and Jaehyun greeted thousands of fans outside his filming studio almost every day. All of this on top of impending nuptials made life incredibly hectic and crazy.

Finally, Jaehyun scored his first ever movie debut. He was moving from TV show actor to a real big screen star. The cast were to spend 6 weeks filming in London, and it would have been the first time Doyoung and Jaehyun would be apart for this long. Doyoung was incredibly sulky about it of course, but Jaehyun reassured him that 6 weeks would fly by incredibly fast and it would all be worth it.

Jaehyun didn’t deal with the jet lag and long distance very well. For the first few days he kept vomiting and nothing he ate seemed appetizing. After so many years of sleeping next to the same man, sleeping alone suddenly became uncomfortable and strange. He called Doyoung every single day and whined about how cold London was and how bad the food tastes and how much he just wants to be in Doyoung’s arms and never let go.

Then, something amazing happened.

Jaehyun dragged himself back to his apartment after a long day of filming. His eyes were barely open and he was so close to just passing out without even washing himself up when he saw someone walking around the apartment with sheets in his hand.

“How do you even sleep without sheets?” Doyoung huffed. “And you left the dishes from yesterday uncleaned? What the hell am I going to do with you Jeong Jaehyun?”

“D…Doyoung?” Jaehyun thought he was looking at a ghost. “What are you doing here?”

“You were whining so much I decided to come and visit you. I got tired of planning for my concerts and management said I could take a couple of weeks off so I bought a ticket to London and flew over. Johnny picked me up and he helped me get a key to this place. But back to the dishes, how did you…”

Jaehyun dropped his things, ran over to him and kissed him deeply. He fisted his hand in his hair, inhaling the scent of home as warmth filled his heart. He had been longing for this for ages, and finally his love, his heart, his soul, his forever was here with him. They kissed like they have been starving for years. Jaehyun lifted him up and placed him on the table.

“Jaehyun…” Doyoung looked up at him with glassy eyes. “I just cleaned this table.”

“I want you.” Jaehyun kissed his neck. “I need you. God I fucking missed you.”

“Me too.” Doyoung pulled Jaehyun’s sweater off as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Since then, London was no longer cold or miserable and the food wasn’t as bad as he thought. London was now warm and inviting, a lovely mixture of old and new, past and present with lots of the future thrown in. They went to see Buckingham palace, walked through Camden together, shopped in Harrods, had afternoon tea, strolled through Hyde Park and kissed under the streetlights in Carnaby Street. It was the best 5 weeks they have ever spent together.

“Isn’t nice to be here?” Doyoung smiled, holding an ice cream in one hand while the other held Jaehyun’s as they walked down Piccadilly. “There are no photographers, no fans hounding us…”

“No nosy reporters, no managers breathing down our necks.”

“That’s because our managers are too busy sucking each others.” Doyoung shivered. “I didn’t know Taeyong was so loud during sex.”

“I know.” Jaehyun cringed. “I saw a hickey on Johnny’s neck the other day and I almost screamed.”

“It’s too bad we only have a week left like this.” Doyoung said. “After this we’ll have to go back.”

“Ugh, can’t we just stay here?”

“That’s what I was thinking! I wish we could just move here and start all over.”

“Would you like that?”

“I was just saying that Jaehyun.” Doyoung giggled. “We can’t actually move here.”

“Why not?” Jaehyun grinned. “We can do anything now. We have the money for it.”

“Yes but our careers just started. We can’t possibly do a relocation now. It would jeopardize everything we worked so hard for.”

“Maybe.” Jaehyun pouted. “But just to let you know, if one day you said ‘Let’s fuck this place and move to Alaska’, I’m following you.”

“Me too.” Doyoung kissed him. “Maybe one day when we are old and retired.”

“When do you start your first tour?”

“In 4 months. We are hitting Tokyo, Singapore, Shanghai, Hong Kong and then Sydney and New York and that’s just leg 1.” Doyoung said. “If this is successful then we’ll start leg 2.”

“That sounds like a long time.”

“Yeah, almost 7 months.” Doyoung nodded. “But I’m so excited. This is everything I have ever wanted. To sing all over the world and to travel.”

“Then, let’s move the wedding up.” Jaehyun smiled. “And let’s do it here.”

“Here? As in London?”

“Why not?” Jaehyun grinned. “We both love the city, we are ourselves here more than anywhere else, what better place is there to be?”

Doyoung swore Jaehyun was crazy, but the more he thought about it, the more he loved it. “Let’s do it.”

They kept the plans as secretive as possible while relocating their wedding plans at the last minute. Doyoung and Jaehyun married in June at the infamous Queen’s House in Greenwich. Only 50 people were invited to this intimate and highly exclusive affair. Doyoung got his suit custom made by Valentino while Jaehyun’s was done by Dolce and Gabbana. They got married in The Great Hall with an incredible black and white geometric marble floor on a beautiful summer day. Frankly, the hall felt almost too big for such a small party, but it was classy and romantic, the two things Jaehyun and Doyoung embodied.

Later that night, they had a dinner reception at Searcys at The Gherkin, which is an incredibly odd name for a place but was in fact one of the most beautiful and stylish spaces with a sweeping view of London, the city they grew to love so much.

They celebrated with more alcohol, a DJ, the best food possible and tons of dancing. Taeyong and Johnny were doing some kind of drunken Irish jig, Yuta and Sicheng were trying to smuggle the chocolate fountain. Ten had decided to perform a whole burlesque scene with Irene and Taeyong and Kun, Ten’s new boyfriend, was trying to pretend he wasn’t sporting a boner. Yes, it was chaotic.

And where were the happy couple?

They were sitting at their table overlooking the beautiful night scenery in front of them. Doyoung was holding Jaehyun’s hand, smiling so much his cheeks were starting to hurt. No scenery in the world could compare to the man before him. “Shit.” He cursed. “I can’t believe you’re my husband now.”

“Me too.” Jaehyun grinned. “I feel like I ‘ve been waiting for this for ages.”

“If I was drunk enough I’d get down on my knees right now.”

“Quick, someone give this man some more alcohol.”

Doyoung laughed and leaned in to kiss Jaehyun, something he knew he could spend a whole lifetime doing. He sat in Jaehyun’s lap and rubbed his nose against his. “I love you.”

“I love you too Doyoung.” Jaehyun kissed him back. “We made it.”

“We did.” Doyoung admired their matching wedding bands. “We made it together.”

********************

****

Jaehyun looked at his wedding picture, a photo of them kissing on the steps of the Iconic Tulip Stairs and it almost seemed like the picture was laughing back at him. He walked down the stairs and into the living room. He just walked through seven years of bliss, and now in this room, it feels like the last two years were crammed in this space and it soon became a nightmare.

After their honeymoon in New York, Doyoung went on tour immediately. He started touring 7 countries in 10 days and a long tour through North America as well. Jaehyun resumed filming his movie and immediately began another movie on top of that. They were both working 12 hours a day under stringent conditions across the world from each other. They promised to call each other every night, but then the calls started getting sparser and sparser.

When Doyoung returned, it seemed like things were slightly back to normal. They celebrated their anniversary together with a private dinner, but things were beginning to change. Doyoung jumped into making another album and Jaehyun started filming overseas again. Again, they had to part, except this time, Doyoung didn’t follow him.

Then somewhere along the line, the differences they once thought were charming became bothersome. So, they started fighting. Every time they fought, Doyoung drank. When Doyoung drank, he started yelling even more. Jaehyun gave up and started drinking as well, and then the fights continued, and it was just an endless, brutal cycle. Glass being thrown everywhere, curses spat at each other. Sleeping in different rooms. Angry sex to make up for it, but no healing to be done anywhere.

_“You fucking asshole!!” Doyoung screamed at him through the kitchen. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that!!”_

_“You’re not making any god damn sense!” Jaehyun yelled back. “Why don’t you stop drinking that shit for two seconds and talk like a normal person?”_

_“Oh that’s rich coming from you!” Doyoung scoffed. “You want to explain the white powder in the bathroom you coke whore?”_

_“I’m the whore here? Who was the one sucking faces and batting eyelashes at Shim Changmin at the Melon Music Awards?”_

_“Stop being so fucking jealous, you’re suffocating me!”_

_“You’re not the only who’s getting choked here!!”_

Now, it’s all over. The final nail in the coffin has been driven through. No more pain, no more struggle. Yet, no happiness to fill it either.

How could a 7-year blissful relationship end so poorly? What changed? What happened? Did they fall apart or fall out of love? Were they too stubborn to compromise or did they not need each other anymore? Was distance the problem or was it communication? Were they really too tired to talk or where they just looking for excuses not to?

Jaehyun spent all night on the flight home from Tokyo wondering where it went wrong. If there was a time machine, what would he have done differently in order to rescue his marriage? Would he have even done anything, or where they destined to break up?

Jaehyun packed up his stuff and began moving out too. Doyoung wasn’t the only one with a backup place to stay in case it all fell apart. They will have to decide what to do with this super expensive house they bought. It was supposed to be filled with children laughing and puppies running around and just joy and laughter. Jaehyun looked around and all he could see was broken glass. This house was haunted with too many unhappy memories for either party to move on.

He locked the door and drove away. The house was eventually sold to a wealthy American socialite named Rebekah Taylor who fell in love with it. She called it, ironically, “Holiday House”.


	5. exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung's latest album is a huge success, but at what cost?

“You know, I have always thought you would be petty.” Taeyong raised an eyebrow. “But cutting up a fake fondant heart cake and eating it with a golden spoon is a little on the nose isn’t it?”

“It’s a metaphor.” Doyoung said, adjusting his napkin around his collar as they got ready to shoot the next scene of his music video Bad Blood. Doyoung’s new album was a long time coming, almost 8 months since his divorce and more than a year since his last album. He had taken the last 8 months to spend time in the studio and focus on making music. For the first time in a while, he wanted to do something really different. He wanted a brand-new look and a brand new attitude. He wanted this album to reflect the new person he became after such a drastic shift in his personal life. Hence the heart on a plate that he would soon devour.

“That’s too heavy handed to be a metaphor.” Taeyong shook his head.

“Well I love it.” Seulgi, the music video director said. “It’s a little devilish and a little evil, but not too much that it seems off-putting. The eating of the heart symbolizes swallowing up your emotions so that you can push forward and rise.”

“Whatever you say,” Taeyong made a face. “It’s your album.”

“Doyoung, after this scene we’ll do a dance scene.” Seulgi said. “Would you prefer your dancers to be in heels or sneakers?”

“Heels. The highest possible, and their makeup has to be on fleek.” Doyoung grinned. “I want them to look like my crew of assassins.”

Devouring fondant hearts. Dancers in leather and high heeled boots. Swinging bats and Supreme money guns. Leather jackets and cars spinning in fire. The world is not ready for this new dark Kim Doyoung, but he was coming anyways.

**********************

**_The Sun: Kim Doyoung’s Bad Blood Debuts at No.1_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: Kim Doyoung’s Bad Blood is Fierce and Fans Are Losing Their Mind_ **

**_Buzzbuzz News: Bad Blood by Kim Doyoung: Revenge Done Well_ **

**********************

“And we are back on the Late Late Night Show with Jungwoo and Joy.” Kim Jungwoo smiled widely at the camera as the audience clapped loudly.

“Our next guest’s latest album broke the record for the most number of YouTube views in 24 hours with his new single Bad Blood.” Joy grinned. “He’s here to answer some of your burning questions, please welcome Kim Doyoung!!”

Doyoung stepped out onto the set in a black leather blazer with a printed striped shirt inside. The fans screamed when they saw him as he flashed his signature toothy smile and shook hands with the hosts. The Late Late Night Show was such an entertainment staple and how else to celebrate the success of his album than by appearing on one of the most popular late night shows ever?

“Welcome Doyoung!” Joy smiled. “It’s great to see you!”

“It’s great to be here too.”

“You look fantastic,” Jungwoo said. “It must be that post album-debuted-at-number-one glow.” The crowd cheered at the mention of it and Doyoung smiled proudly.

“Thank you so much. Thank you.”

“How did you feel when you saw the news? This is your first album to do so right?”

“It is my first one and I was actually asleep when the news came out. I woke up and found out that my manager called me like 8 times and my brother called me 6 times and all my friends were like “YOUR ALBUM IS NUMBER ONE BITCH”,” the audience laughed. “And that’s when I realized, holy shit, my album is number one.”

“Did you expect it to be so successful? What was your inspiration behind it, because this is a completely different look from your last album.”

“Well, lots of things have happened between the last album and now, but to be honest this album was something I had been thinking about for some time, but never got around to actually doing anything about it. So it wasn’t exactly like a spur of the moment thing.”

“You even danced in your music video! And you never dance!” Jungwoo commented and the audience laughed. “I have known you all these years and you never dance, you don’t even like moving out of bed.”

“That’s true,” Doyoung laughed. “But again it’s something I have always wanted to try and it was fun! Shout out to my best friend and choreographer Ten. I gave him a very hard time with it.”

“Aside from just dancing, you even invited some of your friends to be in the music video. There was Jisoo, Jennie, Irene Bae and I heard Seulgi directed the music video. I’ll forgive you for not sending an invitation to us.” Joy quipped and Doyoung grabbed her hand in laughter.

“Yeah, Joy and I were waiting with our dancing shoes but it’s fine, we don’t hold grudges.” Jungwoo shrugged as he teased him. “We’re better than that.”

“Next time, when I make my next music video I’ll invite you two, I promise.” Doyoung giggled.

“We have been receiving a lot of messages from fans who are absolutely digging your new album and your new fierce style. So perhaps we should take some time to dive into each track on the album, because they are all amazing anyways.” Jungwoo said. Doyoung simply nodded. He was a little nervous, because how close was he to admitting that this whole album was because of one thing?

All You Had To Do Was Stay? He wrote that while drunk and screaming at his wedding photo.

Wildest Dreams? He wrote that while he was reminiscing about that time he snuck into Jaehyun’s hotel room while he was filming and spent the night with him.

New Romantics? It was about his honeymoon with Jaehyun in New York.

Welcome to New York? Read case above.

Death By A Thousand Cuts? Completely self-explanatory.

False God? Sex. It was about sex. With Jaehyun. The hours they spent worshipping each other in bed.

London Boy? Jaehyun does an impressive British accent and they got married in London.

So It Goes? Jaehyun.

Style? Jaehyun.

Exile? Jaehyun.

Bad Blood? Jaehyun.

The whole album? Well, you can see the pattern.

“I do want to point out that I had an absolutely amazing time working with Moon Taeil.” Doyoung quickly found an opening to divert the question slightly. “He was such a joy to work with on ‘exile’ and I couldn’t believe that I got to work with an artist I have looked up to for so long.”

“Will you be performing like live with him?” Joy asked. “We are all so excited for the launch of your tour next week.”

“If you want to know, you should buy a ticket to the concert.” Doyoung winked. “Better hurry, because they are selling out fast!”

“You heard them folks!” Jungwoo clapped. “Kim Doyoung will perform his hit single Bad Blood next! So stay tuned!”

Doyoung breathed as the cameras cut to commercials. He dodged a bullet there.

**********************

He couldn’t dodge every single one of them.

Kim Heechul was one of the most esteemed entertainment reporters, in fact it wasn’t even fair to call him an entertainment reporter because it doesn’t even scratch the surface of what he is capable of. This man interviewed human rights champions and braved riots to talk to people protesting police brutality and racial injustice. He had a flair for seeing through people and hearing them out, making them feel understood. His job, as he so claimed, was to make people seem human.

“Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?” Heechul asked him in the studio while the cameras were set up. “I usually refrain from them but your personal life is obviously tied so closely to your work, I feel like it’s almost inevitable that it will be bought up somehow.”

“I suppose my fans would like to know.” Doyoung fidgeted in his seat. “I told myself to be completely honest so here we are.”

“Stop me anytime you feel uncomfortable, okay?” Heechul reassured him as they began the interview. A couple of questions later, he asked “What was your biggest motivation for this album? The change in your music style, your look, the music video. Because back then you were the nation’s darling. The sweet Vocal Prince whose voice accompanied us every spring, and now you’re back with a much more mature, almost angry kind of vengeful spirit.”

“Well,” Doyoung cleared his throat. “I would be lying if I said my divorce had nothing to do with it. It wasn’t expecting a spur of the moment thing, like I didn’t change overnight but after the divorce I had to… I had to reinvent myself. I felt like I was getting stuck and it was suffocating, so I just decided to do it.”

“You and your ex husband were together for quite a while wasn’t it?”

“9 years. Almost 10. We were married for 2.”

“Would you mind if I asked what happened between you two? Or how it all fell apart?”

Doyoung breathed. He has done nothing but think about that same question for 2 months, wondering and wondering, but still was no closer to answering the question.

“We just naturally grew apart.” He answered. “I was on tour for almost 7 months, and he started filming for his movie shortly after, so we didn’t get to see much of each other in a span of almost 12 months. We started butting heads about all sorts of things, from career direction to the house we live in, to starting a family together.”

“Were you all for it? Starting a family?”

“I loved it. I wanted to start a family with him, but Jaehyun felt like he wanted to progress with his career a little more before he thought about having children. I suppose I was rather… anxious back then and I fought with him about it.”

“You hinted a little bit that you were depressed while you were on tour, and you succumbed to alcohol.”

“I did.” Doyoung admitted meekly. “It was lonely. I was away for 7 months from my husband and family. Touring was fun but it was also stressful and tiring to stay on top for shows every two weeks. I’m not proud of what I had to succumb to, but back then it felt like the only way out.”

“Would you say that your addiction also contributed to your depreciating marriage?”

“Oh definitely.” Doyoung nodded. “I was getting testy and anxious. I fought with him a lot more.”

“Did he know about it at the time?”

“No. I… uhm… I didn’t tell him. It was too shameful to admit.”

“Does he know now?”

_No._ “He will when he sees this interview.”

Heechul shifted. “And how are you coping now?”

“Much better.” Doyoung said, as if the alcohol he inhaled after his divorce didn’t happen and his liver wasn’t screaming at it. But it was true, he was getting help. Ten introduced him to a famous psychologist named Qian Kun who has been helping him a lot. “It’s a constant battle but I’m happy to say that I feel better now than I have in a long time.”

“That’s wonderful. I am so happy to hear you say that, because battles like these and emotions similar to what you are going through is sadly very common. We do have one of the highest suicide rates in the world and there is a reason to it.”

“Indeed, it’s important to break the stigma by talking about it.” Doyoung said. “I’m not ashamed of my depression, it’s a part of me and talking about it helps. I just hope I can inspire others to do the same so that they can win their fights too.”

“There was a rumour that Jaehyun had an affair with one of his castmates named Rose. It was debunked but there were pictures of them kissing in Tokyo. Did you believe that anything went on between them?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think anything did, and if they said nothing happened, I’m inclined to believe them.”

“How did you feel when you saw the pictures? I understand you saw a print of it before the newspapers actually went to the stands.”

How did he feel?

_“FUCK!!!” Doyoung screamed as he tore the print into shreds and fell down onto the floor. His heart ached so badly he couldn’t even stand. Taeyong was trying to help him but he was crying so hard his limbs shook. He flung his arm about and it knocked the living room table over._

_“I can’t do this anymore…” he sobbed. “I can’t… I can’t… how could…how could he…how…”_

_He called his lawyer the next morning._

“That’s how I wrote Death By a Thousand Cuts.” He answered.

**********************

**_The Sun: Kim Doyoung’s Bad Blood is the Summer Tiktok Challenge Everyone is Doing_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: OP-ED – Kim Doyoung’s New Album is the Manifestation of an Unhappy Marriage_ **

**_The Daily: Doyoung and Jaehyun’s Bad Blood: The End of a Fairytale_ **

****

**********************

“I can see myself buying that new house now.” Taeyong beamed as he talked to Johnny over the phone. His boss just gave him a very big bonus, courtesy of the success of Bad Blood. “I am going to have a little garden where I can grow my vegetables, a big new bedroom, a special gaming room. It’s going to be amazing.”

“I can’t wait to be your first guest.” Johnny grinned. “I am invited right?”

“Of course you are,” Taeyong smirked. “You think I’ll keep my boyfriend out of my new house?”

“I like how you say boyfriend.” Johnny sighed happily. “Say it again.”

“Johnny!” Taeyong whined. “I’m in public!”

“Come on please.” Taeyong could almost hear the pout on Johnny’s lips.

“Fine.” Taeyong rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know my boyfriend would be so whiny.”

“I didn’t know my boyfriend could be so loud either.” Johnny teased. “Those sounds you made last night babe? Damn it gets me hard every time I think about it.”

“Shit,” Taeyong cursed softly. “You are trying to get me in trouble aren’t you?”

“Not as much trouble as you almost got me into when you sent me that picture of you in the dressing room.”

A thump came from the other end of the hallway and Taeyong almost peed in his pants. He swore that this hallway was too hidden for anyone to find him but it turns out his time was up. “I have to go Johnny.” He sighed.

“Okay then, good luck babe!” Johnny cheered for him. Taeyong ended the call and stepped back into the chaos that is the backstage of a concert venue. Doyoung’s Bad Blood tour officially starts tomorrow and it was clear that they were going to pull an all-nighter. Doyoung had been rehearsing night and day for this show. It was quite possibly the biggest show he had ever planned. It was going to be as theatric as possible, like Broadway on steroids. The band is bigger, the costumes are flashier, the dances are wilder and even the venue was bigger than the last.

“I think the dancers should be closer to me.” Doyoung spoke into the microphone, wiping down his sweat on his forehead with his sleeve. “They are too far apart and it makes me look awkward here.”

“Agreed.” Seulgi the concert director nodded. “We should try that song again.”

“Doyoung,” Taeyong walked onstage to pull him aside. “I just got a text message. It’s from Taeil. His vocal chord surgery has been pushed forward to tomorrow so he can’t make it for the live performance.”

“But…” the singer stammered. “But this song is a duet. I can’t do it by myself.”

“If you’re not confident, we’ll just remove it from the set.”

“But I…”

“You can’t remove it from the set!!” Seulgi shrieked. “We booked the set and the props and everything! If you remove it now we have to rehearse this whole show all over again! And besides, ‘exile’ is such a pretty song, and it’s the calm and emotion we need in such a high energy show.”

“Seulgi, if he doesn’t want to, we can’t…”

“No, she’s right.” Doyoung huffed. “I can do this. I’m a professional.”

“That’s my boy!” Seulgi grinned as she walked away happily.

“Are you sure about this?” Taeyong grabbed his arm. “I know what this song is to you.”

“Tae, I can do this.” Doyoung said. “I should be able to. What’s the point of writing a song I can’t sing?”

“Don’t you think you’re…” Taeyong huffed. “Don’t you think you’re pushing yourself too hard?”

“To do what?”

“This, this whole… this whole charade!” Taeyong sighed. “This isn’t you, you’re trying to prove something to yourself and the world that isn’t you.”

“What do you mean ‘this isn’t me?’” Doyoung put his hands to his hips. “I wrote all the songs, I planned all the performances. Everything that happens here is at my discretion and decision, what do you mean this isn’t me?”

“You think you know yourself but you really don’t. Don’t you see? All of this is just an elaborate disguise to hide how you feel inside. I told you to take a break after your divorce but you didn’t. You jumped straight back into work and put out a full-length revenge fantasy album and tour in 8 months.”

“This is my form of healing.”

“That may be true but that song ‘exile’ is not. I know you, and I know that song. It’s way too personal.”

“What are you worried about? That I’m going to cry onstage?” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “Newsflash, I do it all the time.”

Taeyong wanted to say that his concerns run deeper than that. Doyoung may be one of the world’s most famous artists, but he was his best friend since high school, and he knows he isn’t happy. He knows Doyoung is still healing from his divorce and it isn’t complete. He knows that for every fake smile he shows onstage, there are a set of tears to go with it. He knows about all the soju bottles and beer cans he tries to get rid of whenever he goes to his apartment. He knows this dark, angsty, fierce Kim Doyoung is not the real Kim Doyoung. He knows the real Kim Doyoung is still hurt and refuses to come out.

“Forget it.” Taeyong sighed. “You’ll do what you want anyways.”

“Damn right I will.” Doyoung huffed. “The show will go on regardless of what you think. I owe that to my fans who have been so supportive of me. I swear I thought my career was going to suffer after the news of the divorce came out but it seems like it just got bigger.”

“Yeah, some people said you are trying to capitalize your sadness.” Taeyong nodded.

“What’s the point of sadness if you don’t make money from it?”

“As long as you are happy.” And that was all he could do at the end of the day. He just wanted Doyoung to be happy.

**********************

“How is everyone feeling?” Doyoung asked the next morning as he walked into the stadium with a flask of honey lemon water and a smile on his face. Today was the first day of the Bad Blood tour and he was beyond excited. This was the show he spent 8 months planning. 8 months of sleepless nights, endless negotiations, countless rehearsals and a pool of blood sweat and tears of not just him but also everyone involved. He was nervous at first but now all that was left was just adrenaline in his body. There was only 16 hours left until the show began.

“What’s everyone doing?” Doyoung asked his backup dancers and singers as he stepped onto the stage. Everyone was lying down and looking at their phones. Seulgi was looking at hers when she saw Doyoung come in and bolted upright.

“Okay everyone, shows over!” she called, kicking the guy next to her to tell him to stop.

“Wait wait wait, what’s everyone doing?” Doyoung asked. “Oh come on tell me, I don’t wanna miss out on the fun.”

“It’s not fun!” Seulgi laughed awkwardly. “It’s just some random video. About snails. It’s boring. Completely useless.”

“Then why were you guys so engrossed in it?”

“We… were trying to see who could watch it longer without falling asleep!”

“Doyoung,” Ten waved to him from backstage. Doyoung went over to him and let the dancer pull him away into his dressing room and handed him his phone. “You should see this.”

“What is it?”

“It’s Jaehyun’s latest interview. He was talking about you.”

_Heechul: Has it been difficult for you to come back to work after you settled your divorce?_

_Jaehyun: It hasn’t. In fact it’s been a nice distraction. I needed work to keep my mind off things._

_Heechul: Doyoung’s last album has been a huge success lately, and in his songs, he has made some rather implicit references to his relationship with you. How do you feel about that?_

_Jaehyun: Well, to be very honest, it doesn’t feel good._

Ten braced himself as Doyoung curled his hand into a fist.

_Jaehyun: Mainly because the memories he sings about are bad ones. He is an artist and very much entitled to using his own experiences to make art from them, and I fully support him. Some of the memories he sings about are painful for me to recall too, but I don’t dislike them. He is an amazing artist and no matter what, we are still friends and I will always support him._

_Heechul: So you are completely fine with how you have been referenced in his songs?_

_Jaehyun: Yep, I am._

_Heechul: What about the cheating allegations between you and Roseanne Park?_

_Jaehyun: There isn’t a single ounce of truth in that. Rose and I are just good friends. That photo of us kissing was just a simple kiss between friends that was kind of like a spur in the moment thing, and it has been taken completely out of context._

_Heechul: So you two have never had any feelings for each other?_

_Jaehyun: Nothing more than just friends._

_Heechul: Isn’t it a little hurtful then to have ended your marriage over a misunderstanding? Did you not fight to keep it?_

_Jaehyun: Divorces don’t happen overnight. There were many other elements in our marriage that kind of fell apart over time. Doyoung was the one who wanted to leave, and I didn’t want to hold him back. It was the right thing to do._

“Doyoung?” Ten tapped his arm as Doyoung handed the phone back to him. “Are you okay?”

“Did that really just happen?”

“It did.” Ten said. “In my personal opinion, it could have been worse. He still talks about you in such a positive manner.”

“I guess.” Doyoung mumbled. “I don’t know what to feel.”

“Well I don’t want to be that person but can you put those feelings aside for a little bit?” Ten rubbed his back. “We have a concert tonight to attend to.”

“Right.” Doyoung nodded. “Let’s get to it.”

Doyoung couldn’t see what was going on in the stadium from his backstage dressing room, but he imagined his fans were slowly pouring in, settling into their seats. His makeup artist was working on his eyeliner as he adjusted his thick jacket. His heart was pounding erratically. Tonight was the night he had been dreaming of for months.

“You look stunning.” Taeyong smiled to himself as he watched his best friend get dolled up. “The fans are going to freak out.”

“Thanks.” Doyoung grinned. “God my heart feels like it’s going to burst.”

“Doyoung,” Taeyong cleared his throat awkwardly. “You didn’t happen to watch Jaehyun’s interview with Heechul, did you?”

Doyoung stiffened in his tracks. He turned around and Taeyong knew the truth immediately. “You did.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.” Doyoung turned his head and walked to the other end of the room. “I am a professional. Why would I let him get in the way and disrupt my mental for this concert? Besides, we are over. He can say whatever the heck he wants. It’s none of my business.”

“Okay then.” Taeyong breathed a sigh of relief for a bit. “I’ll check on the staff.”

Half an hour to the start of the concert and most of the staff members have left to attend to their work. It was tradition for Doyoung to take the last 30 minutes to himself and just be alone, to fully soak up the atmosphere and sink into his emotions. Doyoung was strolling around the empty hallway, mind racing with all sorts of thoughts. The concert, the set, the songs, the fans.

Jaehyun.

_No, not him._

Jaehyun.

_No get out of my head._

Jaehyun.

_No I…_

Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun Jaehyun

“Doyoung?”

Doyoung whipped his head around in shock and his heart stopped in his chest. Jaehyun was at the end of the hallway in a black trench coat and a cap pulled over his face. How did he get back here? His staff must not have recognized him, but Doyoung did. Doyoung would know that face and voice even if he was dead.

“What are you doing here?” Doyoung asked in a mix of shock and disgust.

“Taeil asked me to send a gift basket on his behalf.” Jaehyun lifted a basket of flowers. “He’s still in the hospital and said he was sorry he couldn’t make it.”

“He could have just delivered it.” Doyoung folded his arms. “You didn’t need to be here.”

“I wanted to.” Jaehyun said.

“Why?”

“Because you’re about to embark on your second tour.” Jaehyun said. “I just wanted to support you.”

“Well you’re not doing me any favours by being here now. Get out.”

“Fine.” Jaehyun put down the basket of flowers. “Good luck for the show.” He turned around.

“Wait.”

Jaehyun stopped in his tracks and turned around.

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Your interview.” Doyoung walked towards him, the chains on his jeans clinging away. “You made it sound like the divorce was my fault.”

“I did not such thing.” Jaehyun scowled at him. “I said so clearly that we fell apart naturally.”

“When Heechul asked why didn’t you try harder you said you were trying to do what’s right!” Doyoung’s voice started climbing higher as anger rose in his chest. “Fuck you Jaehyun for making yourself look like the angel! So just because I said I wanted to leave you, you make me the bad guy in this story?!”

“Stop it Doyoung, you’re acting insane.” Jaehyun gritted his teeth. “You’ve got a show in 15 minutes!”

“You’re always trying to run away. Every time we butt heads like this, the first thing you want to do is run. You’re a fucking coward Jaehyun, you’ve never wanted to face your issues head on, instead you would rather pretend they never happened.”

“You think I never thought about fighting to save our marriage?” Jaehyun snapped at him. “You think that’s it? You think I just said yes to everything because I gave up? I said yes because we NEEDED a break. You think you’re the only who was hurt but have you ever thought about what it was like for me?! I was stuck at home memorizing lines while my husband was galivanting halfway around the world like a superstar, and every time I called him he was either drunk or asleep. How the fuck do you think I felt?”

Doyoung wanted to snap back but he couldn’t find the words. He stood there glaring at Jaehyun, eyes red from anger and his hands balled up into fists. They never fought about their divorce before, which is odd because they fought about everything else. Doyoung had filed the papers, Jaehyun agreed to the terms and their almost decade long relationship ended in 5 days and 15 minutes. They shook their hands and somehow magically agreed to pretend it never happened.

Until now.

“Go head and tell the lies you keep telling yourself, that I cheated and what not, but don’t, not even for a minute, think I didn’t try.” Jaehyun said. “I’m not like that and you know it.” He turned around and walked away.

Doyoung wanted to run after him, but he heard the chants of “KIM DOYOUNG, KIM DOYOUNG” and he knew he couldn’t. “Doyoung!!” Seulgi called him. “You’re on in 2 minutes!!”

Doyoung relaxed his hand from curling it and turned in the other direction towards Seulgi. He ran to the stage and took a deep breath. Whatever it is, he was a professional. As Ten said, put his feelings aside and get to work.

The curtains rose and the music started.

**********************

“Thank you all so much for coming here.” Doyoung smiled as he waved and greeted his fans in the middle of his set. Everything was going well so far and he couldn’t be happier, except for maybe one small thing. “My next song has been one of the most highly requested performances, but sadly my duet partner Moon Taeil couldn’t make it as he is recovering from surgery, but I will still do my very best to sing for you. This is ‘exile’.”

The fans cheered as the lights went dim and the music started. Taeyong and Ten were clasping their hands together in a prayer while Doyoung closed his eyes and tried to calm his heart. The song started as Taeil’s deep voice came through the speakers.

_I can see you standing, honey  
With his arms around your body  
Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all  
And it took you five whole minutes  
To pack us up and leave me with it  
Holdin' all this love out here in the hall_

Doyoung sang the verse and a memory flashed inside his mind.

_A dark hotel room. A huge bed. A random Netflix show playing on the TV. Doyoung curled up seated on the bed. A bottle in his hand. The ring on his finger. Thoughts running through his head. His body felt cold. He needs warmth. He pulled the sheets a little tighter around him and he closed his eyes. He should try to sleep. He has a concert tomorrow, but he can’t._

“Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me.”

_There was a time Jaehyun got into a bar fight with someone in The Red Lion. This dude was hitting on Doyoung and making him uncomfortable, so the singer shrugged him off. He called Doyoung a rude bitch and the next thing they knew, Jaehyun’s fist met his eye and the two of them started fighting. Jaehyun was lucky, he walked away with injuries on his knuckles while the other had a full-blown panda circle around his eye._

_“You could have gotten seriously hurt!” Doyoung nagged him afterwards. “Why would you do something so reckless?!”_

_“No one insults my man and gets away with it.”_

_“Is this some kind of prove your macho thing?” Doyoung sighed. “It’s not worth it.”_

_“It’s about you Doie, everything is worth it.”_

“We always walked a very thin line.”

_“Where are you going?” Doyoung ran after Jaehyun when he saw him leaving the house._

_“I have a script reading tonight.” Jaehyun said. “Don’t you remember? I told you over the phone yesterday.”_

_“Yes but,” Doyoung pouted. “I haven’t been home in 3 months, I was hoping we could spend some time together.”_

_“I know babe, I’m sorry.” Jaehyun sighed. “But we’re going over some of my parts tonight during the script reading. This director is testy as fuck and I think I’m on a thin line with him, so I don’t wanna aggravate him further.”_

_“So this is how it is?” Doyoung groaned. “I come home all jet-lagged from a 3 month tour across Asia and my husband dumps me for his job?”_

_“Babe, you should get some rest tonight.” Jaehyun kissed his forehead. “I’ll finish as soon as possible and be with you tomorrow.”_

_“I can’t.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“I have a TV show interview tomorrow.”_

_The two of them stayed silent. “We’ll find time.” Jaehyun said. “I promise.”_

_He didn’t._

“I never learned to read your mind.”

_Doyoung could never tell what Jaehyun was thinking sometimes. Even now, seated across the dinner table from his husband during their honeymoon in New York, he couldn’t tell if he was happy, upset or any other kind of emotion._

_“Penny for your thoughts?” Doyoung asked him._

_“Just thinking about you.” Jaehyun always answered._

_Sometimes Doyoung wondered, maybe if he learned to be better at it, could he have saved his marriage?_

“I couldn't turn things around.”

_Jaehyun’s face when Doyoung said he didn’t fight for his marriage. Doyoung had never seen him so hurt. He should have taken his words back but he didn’t. He had just been holding onto these emotions for too long he had to let them go. By the team he finished, he knew his words had cut him too deep._

_“Don’t, not even for a minute, think I didn’t try.”_

“I think I've seen this film before, And I didn't like the ending.”

_All the movie dates they had in that tiny apartment. Cuddling on the floor, popcorn between their legs. Laughing at the slapstick. Crying at the sad endings. Screaming at the jumpscares._

“You were my town.”

_They were each other’s world. All the kisses, touches, hugs, love._

“Now I'm in exile, seein' you out.”

_Jaehyun leaving the courthouse with Johnny after they signed the papers. That was when Doyoung realized he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore._

“So I'm leavin' out the side door.”

_Jaehyun leaving once again before the concert._

Doyoung finished the song as the audience roared in adulation. He wiped his cheeks and saw the stream of tears that had flowed down while he was singing. His heart ached and hurt so much along with his voice he was practically wheezing as the stage lowered and he was taken backstage for another costume fitting.

**********************

**_The Sun: Kim Doyoung’s Breaks Down While Performing At His ‘Bad Blood’ Concert._ **

**_People: Kim Doyoung’s Performance Meltdown: Is It Because of His Ex-Husband Jeong Jaehyun?_ **

**_The Daily: Jeong Jaehyun Reportedly Spotted Backstage at Kim Doyoung’s Concert Minutes Before Meltdown_ **

**********************

Doyoung removed ‘exile’ from the concert set and it was never performed live again.


	6. this is me trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun rises, and then falls

“Okay pose,” the photographer said as he took another picture. “Good, good, let’s try another pose.”

“Ugh, how is it possible for someone to be this handsome?” a female makeup artist shook her head as she watched Jaehyun pose on set. He was wearing a handsome suit as he posed for his 7th cover issue in the last two years. He wasn’t called the Nation’s It Man for nothing. After this cover shoot, he was expected to run over to the other side of town to film his first advertisement shoot for Calvin Klein.

“It’s not fair.” Another male staff member said. “I would give my left eye to look like him.”

“You and me both.” She whispered back. “I wonder if he goes out a lot.”

“No idea. It shouldn’t be a problem for him. He could be wearing a garbage bag and I would still get on my knees for him.”

“Oh mood.”

“Nice!” the photographer smiled. “Take 5 everyone!”

“Gotta go.” The girl picked up her brush.

“Let me know if his skin is as flawless as it is.”

“Got you.” She grinned as she rushed onto the set and tended to Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s manager Johnny popped up next to him with an iPad in his hand. “Okay Jae, we have another hour here and then we have to make a mad dash to The Rib Eye for that Calvin Klein shoot.”

“I know, did my new script come yet?”

“I didn’t get an email yet, but I will chase them for it. Also, the management company in the US called, they want you to fly down for a red-carpet event in September, are you interested?”

“What’s it about?”

“Fund raiser for children with cancer.”

“Sure why not. Let’s schedule the meeting with Martin Scorsese that same week, that way we won’t have to fly again.”

“Sounds like a plan. By the way, you have finished the speech haven’t you?”

“What speech?”

“Your best man speech.” Johnny glared at him. “You didn’t forget did you?”

“No of course not!” Jaehyun feigned a hurt expression. “How could I forget my best friend’s wedding? I’ve just been really busy lately that’s all.”

“Well don’t take any longer than necessary.” Johnny sighed. “I don’t know how I am going to leave you alone while I go on my honeymoon.”

“Don’t you trust Lucas to do a good job?” Jaehyun chuckled. “Relax, it’ll be fine. You should just take off and enjoy yourself.”

“Okay everyone! Back on set!” the photographer called. Johnny and the makeup artist flew away immediately. The makeup artist went back to his friend to gush over how perfect his skin was while Johnny went back to do the million of other things he was supposed to do. Jaehyun took a deep breath and waited for the camera to be pointed to his face.

“Okay pose!”

And he smiled like he had been doing it all his life.

**********************

Big Bang Theory played in the background while Jaehyun cooked himself a simple dinner. Chicken breast salad with fruits and some healthy, kale-beetroot-whatever juice that his personal trainer made for him. He left the TV on with its loudest volume setting as he sat down on his couch with his legs folded. There was a wall on his left that had all of his achievements and awards. Men’s Health Icon. Best New Actor. Mr. Congeniality. Tiktok Superstar of the Year. Fashion Icon. There were pictures of him with multiple famous people across the world. Meeting Prince Harry and Meghan Markle in New York. As a guest star in Kris Wu’s music video. Walking the red carpet for The Rock’s newest film in Los Angeles. Cannes Film Festival. Venice Film Festival. He has indeed come a long way.

And somehow here he is, sitting on a couch alone on a Friday night, watching Sheldon and his friends descend into chaos.

The worst part is, Jaehyun almost wished he was Sheldon.

As awkward and as socially inept as Sheldon was, at least he had friends. He had Leonard, he had Penny, and he has his girlfriend Amy. People complain about him all the time, but these are the same people who would donate a kidney to him. People love Jaehyun, they all want to be him or be with him, but he’s the one who was alone right now.

Jaehyun put the bowl of disgusting chicken salad and pulled his knees up to his chest. He thought about calling Johnny, but Johnny would have been busy planning for his wedding with Taeyong. He thought about Yuta, but Yuta was now in Milan, and the time difference wouldn’t work out. He looked at the contacts in his phone, but none of them seemed available. He wasn’t even sure if he could remember half of the people in his phone contact.

He ended up staring into the blank space above his TV. After a couple of minutes, he thought, maybe he should write his best man speech for Johnny. He picked up phone, opened the notes app and stared at it.

And then he stared at it a little longer.

And a little longer.

Until he didn’t want to do it anymore.

He put down his phone and wrapped his arms around his knees again. His eyes went back to the TV and he just stared at it. Thoughts creeped into his head. He tried to push it out. He didn’t want to think. He was so tired, he couldn’t bear to do any thinking at all. He didn’t want to think, but the thoughts come in anyways.

Jaehyun fell asleep on his couch to the sound of Big Bang Theory in the background.

**********************

“MY BOY!!!” Johnny almost knocked down the saloon door as he rushed into the saloon, running towards Jaehyun. “You are going to love me for this.”

“For what?” Jaehyun’s eyes widened, his hair still in curlers.

“Did you hear about the Park Gunho rumour?”

“Yes, that he is supposed to be coming back from hiatus.” Jaehyun said. Park Gunho was the nation’s top director, who recently went on hiatus to focus on his mental health. He has disappeared from the scene for 10 years and there were rumours afloat that he was anxious to come back to work. “But it’s just a rumour.”

“Well, it may not be a rumour anymore.” Johnny winked. “I just got off the phone with Ravi, his old casting manager, and he told me that he is holding a casting call at the end of the month for a male lead and he is only inviting ‘selected actors’. Guess how many cups of coffee I had to buy him to get you in the list?”

“No way.” Jaehyun dropped his jaw. “No fucking way.”

“The answer is 7 but yes, I did it.”

“HOLY SHIT!!” Jaehyun got out of his seat and lunged at Johnny. “You are the best fucking manager ever.”

“So you’ll talk to the label about increasing my salary?”

“Salary, bonus, car, plane whatever it is you can have it!” Jaehyun smiled and clapped his hands excitedly. “I AM GOING TO BE IN PARK GUNHO’S MOVIE!!!”

“Whoa whoa hold your horses, you got in the list to audition, but you’re not there yet.”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter, I will play a fucking trash can if that is what it takes.” Jaehyun grinned. “Can you imagine the honour, the glory, the challenge, the genius that he is and I get to meet him?!!? I am so excited!!!”

“Now what this means is that you have to be on your game until we get this role.” Johnny said. “Park Gunho has some very close entourages who can play a big role in helping him decide who to cast. There are some parties and social events we can attend to hopefully get these people to warm up to you. Just because you are the Nation’s It Man is not enough. We need these people to fall in love with you personally to stand a better chance.”

“Right, it’s all about who you know.” Jaehyun nodded. “Got it.”

“Hongki, I need you to make my man fucking gorgeous.” Johnny turned to the hairdresser as Jaehyun sat back down in his seat. “You could help him get the biggest role of his life.”

“Aye aye.” Hongki grinned.

**********************

Jaehyun had never visited the Rainbow Club before. Often dubbed as one of the most exclusive clubs in the country, Jaehyun himself has never stepped inside until today. Johnny told him that someone named Mr. Shim was hosting his 60th birthday party there, and Mr. Shim is a close friend of Park Gunho.

“Whoa.” Jaehyun mumbled as he walked inside. Johnny himself was not invited to the party as the invitation was only extended to Jaehyun, but if he was there, Johnny would have enjoyed it more than him.

The Rainbow Club was decked out to look like a scene from the Great Gatsby. Gold hanging off the walls, velvet carpeting, exquisite furniture, servers carrying trays of champagne with gold rims. Women dressed to the nines in expensive clothing and men smoking cigars the size of a whole carrot. This was no ordinary night club; this was an elite hangout for only the privilege.

“Jeong Jaehyun,” a man walked up to him in high waisted pants and thick white rimmed glasses. “I know that face anywhere, especially high up the Gangnam skyline in a Calvin Klein advertisement.”

“Ravi.” Jaehyun sighed softly, glad to finally spot a familiar space. “Thank you so much for inviting me.”

“Is this your first time here?”

“It is.”

“Well then let me get you a drink. Excuse me!” he snapped his fingers and a waiter came running by. “Get this man a gin and tonic. We are starting you off light. Don’t want you to be falling over drunk so quickly.”

“Thank you.” Jaehyun chuckled. “This place is amazing.”

“Do you know anybody here?”

“Well I can recognise them, but I have never spoken to them before.”

“You? With that face?” Ravi gasped in surprise. “How could you? How could you deny the public a chance to get to know that face?”

“Well…” Jaehyun stuttered.

“You’re shy, I can see that. Don’t worry, I’ve got just the thing.” Ravi dragged him over. “Meet the infamous 97 club.” He pushed him towards a circle of males and before Jaehyun could respond, one of the grabbed his shoulder and turned towards him.

“Oh my god it is you!” He grinned cheekily. “Hi, my name is Bambam!”

“Oh my god yes Bambam!” Jaehyun shook his hand quickly. “Your last album was phenomenal I have been replying it almost every night now.”

“So you’re the Calvin Klein boy huh?” Kim Mingyu, another rapper and model grinned. “Nice to meet you, I’m Mingyu.”

“I’m Jungkook, the…”

“Oh gosh yes I know,” Jaehyun shook his hand warmly. “Billboard Artist of the Year. Your last song Euphoria was phenomenal.”

“This is Yugyeom, my best friend and famous choreographer,” Bambam introduced the man next to him. “And that’s DK, singer and host of Idol School radio show.”

“This is amazing, you’re the first actor in our group!” Jungkook beamed.

“Hey, what about me?” Mingyu made a face.

“No offense but two lines in a commercial doesn’t make you an actor, now when compared to a man whose film won the Palm d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival.” DK gushed. “I loved the film so much by the way, I am a huge fan.”

“Of me? Oh my god wow.” Jaehyun blushed. “Thank you, I mean I personally am huge fans of you guys and your music, like what you all do is incredible. I can’t believe I finally get the chance to know all of you.”

“Same here, it certainly keeps parties entertaining.” Yugyeom chuckled. “Mr. Shin is nice but damn he can be a bore.”

“Did you all hear the rumour that director Park Gunho is potentially looking for his next male lead tonight?”

“How did you know?”

“I overheard his wife talking about it.”

“Who is his wife?” Jaehyun asked.

“That lady over there by the bar.” Bambam pointed to an older, middle aged lady with dark hair and diamonds wrapped around her wrist. She was smiling and talking to a bunch of other rich ladies and a ruby as big as a walnut flashed on her finger. “She produces all of Park Gunho’s films. Apparently, she’s the daughter of an oil magnate. Money is her middle name.”

“Maybe that’s why Park Gunho married her.” Jungkook rolled his eyes. “She’s a little vixen.”

“What do you mean?” Mingyu asked.

“I heard that she once threw her purse at a guy who bought her coffee with cream instead of an Americano.” Jungkook shivered. “Plus that eyeliner around her eyes makes her look like the devil.”

Jaehyun instinctively turned his head to look at Mrs. Park. Mrs Park caught his eyes and she smiled back. Bambam nudged him and grinned naughtily. “You could benefit by being on her good side. She could put you in his film.”

“Yeah, every other actor here is trying to find some way to kiss her ass or butter her bread. Get on her good side and you will be the male lead of Park Gunho’s epic film, 10 years in the making. That’s something.”

People have been trying to talk to Mrs. Park all night but she didn’t seem interested. She was more interested in keeping her female friends occupied. Jaehyun waited all night to make a move but she slipped out a couple of hours later. “Damn it, I missed my shot.”

“Don’t worry Jaehyun, she’s very active on the social scene. She’ll show up at the next party.” Yugyeom said.

“Well how do I know which and when that party will be held?”

“Stick with us and we’ll tell you.” Jungkook pulled out his phone. “Give us your number and we’ll add you to our group chat. The 97 line travels together.”

**********************

**_The Sun: Jeong Jaehyun is The Latest Addition to The Famous 97 Line_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: Check out the Hilarious Instagram Comment Exchange between 97-Liners Yugyeom and Jaehyun_ **

**_The Daily: Park Gunho To Direct His First Film in 10 Years. The Question is, Who is in it?_ **

****

**********************

****

“Damn it.” Johnny cursed when he checked his phone messages on his way up to Jaehyun’s house to pick him up from work. “I can’t believe they added Lee Minho to the line-up. That fucking bitch won Best Supporting Actor last year. How are we supposed to compete?” He should have bought Ravi another 10 cups of coffee or something.

“Jaehyun?” Johnny called when he entered the house. “Are you ready? Let’s go.”

“I’m coming.” Jaehyun bounced down the steps and grabbed his beanie. “Let’s go.”

“How was the party last night?”

“It was fine. Amanda hired a trapeze artist. It was so cool.”

“I saw all the Instagram pictures.” Johnny nodded. “That bitch of a billionaire heiress knew how to throw a fucking bash.”

“She sure did.”

“Wait, what’s all these bottles?” Johnny turned to the kitchen in shock. There were glasses in the sink, the table felt sticky, a frying pan somewhere on the floor and wine bottles tipped over.

“Oh, well Mingyu, Jungkook, Eunwoo and this new guy Minhyuk came home with me yesterday after the party and we drank some more.”

“How much did you guys drink? The whole fucking case of Merlot?”

“It’s not that bad.” Jaehyun said. “At least I wasn’t drunk outside.”

“You were lucky you could even wake up today.” Johnny glared at him. “We have an important TV interview in two hours and I can’t have you going in with a hangover.”

“I don’t have a hangover! I’m fine!”

“Maybe we should address this.” Johnny sighed. “No drinking. Not like this. The casting call is THIS FRIDAY and I just got word that Lee Minho is going to be there.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s it.” Jaehyun dumped his bag on the floor and crossed his arms. “There’s no way I’m going to get it. He’s a fucking SAG award winner. How am I supposed to top that?”

“Listen, there are plenty of other roles in that film and you yourself said you would happily play a trash can if you had to, so if you want this, I need you to be on top of your game for this whole week.” Johnny grabbed his shoulders. “You need to be clean. Promise me.”

“I promise.” Jaehyun said. “I’ll watch myself.”

“Good.” Johnny sighed. “Go to the car, I’ll meet you later.”

Jaehyun went to the car and Johnny took one look at the kitchen. He swiped a finger across the table and lifted it, rubbing the white powder between his index finger and thumb. He didn’t know if Jaehyun knew or had anything to do with it, but he couldn’t risk anyone finding out about it. Johnny grabbed a cloth and wiped the whole table down. He threw the bottles away and replaced it with the vase and fake flowers on it.

Let’s just pretend it never happened.

**********************

**_The Sun: The 97 Line Post Another Selfie From Karaoke Outing_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: Park Gunho is Officially Back. Here is Everything We Know So Far About His Next Movie._ **

**_The Daily: Kim Doyoung is Adopting a Boy From Local Orphanage_ **

****

**********************

“WHAT?!?” Jaehyun sat up and stared at his TV in shock, the bowl of popcorn on his lap nearly spilling over.

“You must be so excited about your adoption.” Jungwoo, the host of Late Late Night Show asked Doyoung who was beaming from ear to ear. “How did all of this happen?”

“Well as you two know, I have been donating to our local orphanages for years now, and last two months I was at a benefit event and went to visit some orphanages, and there was this baby named Lee Jeno in one of them and I swear to you all it was like love at first sight…”

“Unbelievable.” Jaehyun shook his head in shock. “You didn’t want to have children with me back then so now you’re having them on your own?” he scoffed.

“Will you be okay managing a child by yourself?” Joy, another host asked. “It isn’t easy being a single parent, especially with your career.”

“Being a parent is something I have always wanted to do, and although I wasn’t able to fulfil it while I was still married, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t do it now.” Doyoung explained. “If anything, these years have taught me that if I want something, I should just go ahead and get it.”

“I’m sure you would make a wonderful parent.” Joy smiled.

“Perhaps you will be able to find another parent for Jeno soon.” Jungwoo grinned. “There have been rumours that you and Kim Mingyu have gotten very close lately.”

“MINGYU?!?!” Jaehyun almost flipped his popcorn bowl.

“Oh well,” Doyoung blushed. “We met each other on set for a music video and he was just a really nice man.”

“Did he ask you out or something? Because the last time he was here he spoke of you very fondly.”

“Not yet, we didn’t ask…”

“OH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,” Joy made a face to the audience as they cooed. “He said ‘yet’.”

Jaehyun curled his fist a little tighter. _Kim Mingyu you fucking son of a bitch._

“Nothing is happening, don’t jump to conclusions.” Doyoung laughed. “I just really want to focus on myself and Jeno for the time being. I’m not interested in dating.”

Jaehyun was still trying to process what just happened. His ex-husband was adopting a child. His so-called friend went behind his back and flirted with his ex-husband. His stomach suddenly felt like it was going to turn on itself as his chest constricted in pain. He went onto the internet and typed ‘Kim Mingyu and Kim Doyoung’ in the search bar and regretted it. Dozens of articles and social media sites appeared of the two of them smiling on set, holding hands and meeting after work hours.

He sent one of the articles to Mingyu and wrote ‘fuck you’ in response. Then, he blocked his number.

Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair as his heart lurched further down. Doyoung was adopting. Doyoung was going to be a father. It was something the two of them had discussed a lot while they were still together. Jaehyun knew that he would one day settle down with Doyoung and start a family together, sadly it fell through before it could happen. Having a child was Doyoung’s dream, and now he was achieving it. Without Jaehyun.

And what has he done?

Purchased a big house with 6 rooms for only one person. Flew to Cannes a couple of times. Got a shiny trophy for his 8 months of hard work and sleepless nights.

Was it worth it?

Jaehyun turned off the TV and picked up his coat. He grabbed his phone and his wallet and left his apartment. He was supposed to be resting, tomorrow was his big casting audition for Park Gunho, but right now, the casting audition was the last thing on his mind.

He needed a drink.

**********************

“Hey, aren’t you a famous actor?” the bartender asked Jaehyun, peeking at him through his cap. Jaehyun lowered his cap down a little further.

“Which one?” Jaehyun asked.

“The one who was in that movie I saw last week. Jeong Jaeyoon or something.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun sighed. He didn’t even bother “That’s me.”

“Oh my god. That is so cool.” The bartender smiled. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out like partying or something?”

“Not up to it today.” Jaehyun said. “Can I just have a gin and tonic please?”

“Bartender, get him some of your finest whiskey.” A woman’s voice said as she took the seat next to Jaehyun. Jaehyun turned to her and he held his breath, straightening his back as he bowed immediately.

“Mrs. Park.” He and the bartender both greeted.

“What are you doing here drinking alone?” she smiled at him politely. “I thought you would be with your friends. That 97-line thing.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun lifted his cap to be more polite. “We’re not meeting tonight.”

“I understand. It’s nice to have some time alone to yourself occasionally.”

“Yes Madam.”

“Don’t call me Madam, it makes me feel old. Call me Jessica.”

The bartender arrived with their two whiskies and they raised a toast to each other. Jaehyun was almost sweating from his palms. He had spent the last few weeks trying to get close to her but she never seemed interested. Yet here she is, sitting next to him and buying him drinks.

“So, what’s up?” she asked.

“Well, I am auditioning for your husband…”

“I know that, I mean what is really up?” she asked. “No man who looks as handsome as you do goes to a bar and drinks by themselves. People like you can go anywhere and get free drinks all the time, yet you chose to come to a place like this. You must be troubled.”

“Well,” Jaehyun bit his lip. “I just found out my ex-husband is adopting.”

“Doyoung.”

“Yes.”

“So? Are you feeling jealous?”

“Maybe,” Jaehyun wasn’t sure why he was telling her this. “Having kids was something we talked about doing together, and… I don’t know… even though we separated long ago, I still think that was something we should have done together.”

“Every breakup is difficult.” She agreed. “You can move on and be in love with someone else, but unless you are the one to do it first, it’s tough to see your ex move on faster than you. It makes you feel like you were the problem in the relationship.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“No one admits it, but we all become a little petty to our exes. There’s some joy in seeing them suffer after a breakup because it’s like “yup, this is what happens when you broke up with me. I was the best thing and now you have none”.”

“That sounds so toxic though.”

“And yet that’s exactly what you feel, isn’t it?” she said. Jaehyun gulped thickly and nodded.

“We are not saints Jaehyun. We are not expected to forgive and forget everyone that crosses us. The more you admit your sins, the closer you are to relieving yourself of them.”

“You’re right.” Jaehyun downed his drinks. “I can’t be perfect all the time.”

“Of course. It’s impossible.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun looked at her. “I’m human after all.”

“Indeed.” She smiled at him and laid a hand on his shoulder. “What do you think about revenge? Show your ex that you are doing just fine too.”

“How am I supposed to get back at him?”

“I have a few ideas.” The hand travelled down his back. An icy shiver ran down Jaehyun’s back when he looked into her eyes. “Madam…” he said.

“Think about it this way. You can get your revenge, and a very strong recommendation for tomorrow.” Her hand rested on his lower back as she leaned in his ear. “I’m sure you will make the right decision.”

**********************

Jaehyun washed his face several times in the sink. He looked up at the mirror above him and he could see the eyebags sagging down like they each weighed a few kilos. He looked absolutely disgusting.

And he kind of felt that way too.

“You should run along and get some sleep.” Jessica said, smoke coming out of her lips as she walked around the hotel room, looking for the TV remote. “God bless you’re going to need it.”

“You… you will put a good word in for me?” Jaehyun asked, reaching for his shirt. “Right?”

“Of course,” she smiled, her red lipstick stretched across her lips. The condom wrapper was still on the bed. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

“Thank you Jessica.”

“That’s Madam to you.” Jessica tapped her cigarette and the ash fell at her feet. Jaehyun pulled up the zipper of his pants and pulled his cap down low.

“Right.” He bowed and left the hotel room. He pulled his jacket a little closer around him, burying his head down low, hoping no one else could see him. He made the long way around the hotel lobby to avoid the front desk and sat with his back facing everyone as he waited for his cab to arrive. His heart was beating insanely fast and he felt like he was going to throw up. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol or the sex. Or both.

While he was waiting, another man arrived the hotel. He had a cap pulled down low too and a mask over his face. He was much taller than Jaehyun and for some reason, looked very familiar. Jessica, or rather Mrs Park, arrived the lobby all dressed in something different to greet him warmly. She hugged him and squeezed his ass. The man removed his mask to kiss her and Jaehyun dropped his jaw in horror.

It was Lee Minho. Minho was fucking her too.

What was the point of all this then?

Jaehyun watched as the two of them walked to the elevator and he ran out of the hotel. He ran and ran and ran until he ran out of breath and had to lean against a wall to catch his breath. He couldn’t breathe, his heart was hurting and so were his eyes. Angry tears were spilling from them like running water as he cursed that wretched bitch repeatedly in his head. She couldn’t even bother to send him off, yet for Minho she changed into a new dress and heels to kiss him. He felt cheated, disgusted, cheap. Dirty even.

Jaehyun found a convenience store and bought two soju bottles. The sun was rising on the horizon but what does it matter? It was still dark in his heart anyways.

**********************

“Jeong Jaehyun, you have exactly 10 minutes to get here or I will skin you alive when I see you.” Johnny cursed over the phone. “I just sent you the location. Read it and reply you ass.”

“Johnny?” Ravi walked up to him. “Where’s Jaehyun? His casting session is in half an hour.”

“He’ll be here Ravi, I promise.” Johnny stuttered. “He’s just late. He spent all night rehearsing for this.”

“I can reschedule his session a little later but if it’s any longer, he won’t get to pick his partner to read lines from.”

“I understand Ravi, thank you.” Johnny said. Ravi nodded and walked away. Johnny was near ready to tear his hair out as he turned to Lucas. “Lucas, get the car and drive around the neighbourhood. If you see him, haul his ass in the car.”

“Yes sir.” Lucas nodded and took off.

After 5 more minutes of pacing around, Lucas called to say that he found Jaehyun. Johnny was first relieved he was fine and then ready to kick his glorified ass when he gets here. When Jaehyun arrived, the stench of alcohol and vomit from him was so strong Johnny almost reeled his head back. “What the fuck?!”

“Hey Johnny.” Jaehyun mumbled softly.

“He took some hangover medicine and he got some time to sober up, but he still smells like that.”

“Excuse me,” Johnny turned to the makeup artist. “Let me have this bottle, and you better grab a towel.”

“Why?”

Johnny uncapped the bottle and sprayed the water all over Jaehyun’s face. The freezing mineral shook the actor out of his half-sober stupor, and he started shivering. “Sober now?”

“Y…yes…” Jaehyun shivered. “Fu…fucking…hell…”

“You’re welcomed.” Johnny glared at him. “Get him cleaned up and spray him down with cologne. No matter what, we are getting him in front of that camera.” He grabbed Jaehyun by the collar and growled. “Don’t fuck this up.”

**********************

“Okay,” Ravi handed the clipboard to his boss, the elusive genius Mr. Park Gunho. “We have only one more guy to test. Jeong Jaehyun.”

“Oh yes, he was in Earthworm, that Palm d’Or film.” The director smiled. “Impressive. Let’s see what he can do.”

“Who should we get him to run his lines with?”

“Let’s go with Minho.” The director said. “After all, he’s the only cast member that has been confirmed.”

_I wonder why._ Ravi pulled a face. He called Jaehyun out and the actor stepped onto the set. He bowed repeatedly and introduced himself politely. The director smiled. “Good looks, good posture.”

“Okay Jaehyun, we’ll have you run your lines with Minho.” Ravi explained. “Let’s do that scene where the man comes into contact with his ex-wife’s current lover.”

“You can do this.” Johnny mouthed to Jaehyun. Jaehyun was handed the script with the designated scene and he read through the lines with Minho. He was pretty sure Minho didn’t see him last night, so he tried to pretend everything was okay. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Mrs. Park, crossing her legs and smoking on set.

His stomach lurched and his heart followed shortly after. Ravi asked the lighting director to turn the lights on and the heat from it’s light started to burn on Jaehyun.

“I say, get out of here.” Minho said. “You are no longer welcomed here. This is not your home.”

“Uhm,” Jaehyun blinked, his heart racing as he scanned the paper for words but they all seemed to blur into some kind of cursive mess. He could feel sweat pooling underneath his hairline and the silence was almost defeaning. His ears started to buzz. “I paid for this house with my own money. I still own it.” 

“You own nothing when you threw away Emily.” Minho said. “You threw your right to any piece of freedom. She is my wife now.”

Jaehyun’s head started to hurt. He heard some kind of laughter and he turned. He could see Mrs. Park… laughing at him.

“She is my wife now.” Minho repeated, getting confused why Jaehyun was not responding. “Uhm, I said, she is…” then he fell backwards as Jaehyun punched him in the face.

“OH MY GOD!!” Ravi yelled as Jaehyun attacked Minho. Minho pushed him away and punched him back, and he knocked over one of the lights. Johnny ran to stop the fight by pushing Minho away and dragging Jaehyun away. Ravi pulled Minho down as the two actors growled, bloodied and bruised by their fight.

“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU TWO DOING?!” Director Park roared.

“She started it!!” Jaehyun pointed at Mrs Park. “She was laughing at me!”

“What are you talking about?” Mrs Park scoffed. “I did no such thing.”

“She’s lying!!” Jaehyun spat out, a mixture of mucus and blood seeping from his nose. “She’s a two-faced bitch and a liar!”

“HOW DARE YOU!?” Director Park glared at him. “She’s my wife!!”

“Sir I am so sorry,” Johnny pleaded. “My artist… he’s not feeling well. He doesn’t mean it.”

“I’m done. Get out.” Director Park threatened.

“Sir.”

“Get out before I call security.” He glared at them. Johnny had no choice. Lucas came in to help him carry Jaehyun back to the dressing room. Johnny dumped the actor on the couch in the dressing room.

“I’ll get him home.” Johnny told Lucas. “Go and see if Lee Minho is alright. Whatever he wants, offer it to him. Make sure he doesn’t bring this to court, and see if we can send flowers to the director and his wife.”

He waited until he arrived Jaehyun’s apartment. He waited until they arrived at the right floor. He waited until they were inside. And then, he exploded.

“This is the most stupid, reckless, idiotic, fucked up shit you have ever fucking pulled!!” Johnny yelled at him. 

“Stop screaming at me!” Jaehyun yelled back, his hair was a mess and there were still remnants of dried blood on his skin. “It wasn’t my fault!!”

“How the fuck was it not your fault?!?! You HIT HIM!!” Johnny roared, more furious than he had ever been in a long time. “I told you to stay sober and clean last night, why didn’t you listen to me! Now you have just ruined the chance of a lifetime and there is absolutely no way Director Park is going to hire you ever again! You just flushed your career down the fucking toilet.”

“Stop it!!” Jaehyun cried. “Stop stop stop stop!!!” he stomped his foot. He ran into his bedroom and opened the door to his closet. He went in and locked the door, sinking down in that small space underneath his clothes as he covered his head and ears, sobbing his eyes out.

“Jaehyun, open the door. Jaehyun! Jaehyun!! Jeong Jaehyun!!!”

_“Jaehyun!!! You open this door!! Come out boy!! Jaehyun!! Jaehyun!!!”_

_“Don’t go after him please,” Jaehyun’s mother pleaded. “Leave our son alone.”_

_“JEONG JAEHYUN!!!”_

“No…” Jaehyun sobbed. “I’m not going out. I’m not going out. I’m not going out.”

**********************

“Look,” Doyoung lifted up two tiny socks. “Baby socks,” he beamed at Ten. “Aren’t they adorable?”

“They are so cute with that pirate ship motif.” Ten smiled. “This nursery looks amazing. Jeno is going to feel right at home here.”

“I can’t wait until he comes.” Doyoung sighed, putting the socks back in the drawer. “I have been waiting for this day for months now, and in a couple of weeks, there will be a perfect little baby in that cot.”

“Let’s go bring up that new baby toy set I bought!” Ten clapped his hands excitedly and the two men trotted downstairs into the kitchen. Doyoung spent the last few weeks decorating the baby nursery and baby-proofing the whole house. Ten said it was going to be the baby’s house and not Doyoung’s house and the artist agreed. His whole world was shifting, and if he had to build a whole different castle for Jeno, he probably would. When he first held him, he knew this child would be the one he would raise for the rest of his life.

“Hey Taeyong!” Doyoung breezed past him. “Are you okay? What’s the long face for?”

“It’s…” Taeyong bit his lip. “It’s Jaehyun.”

“Why?” Doyoung turned to him. “What happened to him?”

“Jaehyun got into a fight at a casting call today.” Taeyong said. “Apparently he turned up drunk and smelling of alcohol and vomit. The director got so mad he fired him immediately.”

“Oh no.” Ten gasped.

“Johnny took him home and yelled at him about it, and then Jaehyun started crying and he locked himself in the closet with only a few air vents on top and he hasn’t come out since.”

“Shit.” Doyoung stopped as his heart sunk.

“Wait, why a closet?” Ten asked.

“He used to hide in the closet when his father yelled at him when he was a child.” Doyoung bit his lip, gripping the table in front of him. He looked down for a bit and huffed. “Grab your keys Taeyong.”

“Wh… why? Where are we going?”

“To get him out of that damn closet. Now.”

**********************

Johnny looked absolutely haggered when he opened the door to them, like someone ran over him with a bulldozer seven thousand times. “Oh god, thank god you guys are here.” He sighed. “I am nearing my wits end. He’s been in there for two hours now and he hasn’t come out.”

“Johnny, get a power drill and an axe.” Doyoung said. “Just in case.”

“He’s that way.” Johnny pointed and Doyoung waltzed into Jaehyun’s bedroom like he has been there before, even though this was the first time he stepped foot into Jaehyun’s apartment. He found the closet and walked slowly towards it. He pulled the knob to check it was close and knocked on it gently. “Jaehyun? Jaehyun it’s me. It’s Doyoung.”

There was no answer. Doyoung bent down and tried to peek through the vents to see him, but he couldn’t see anything. He could hear some heavy breathing and he knew he was still inside.

“Jaehyun, you can come out now. We’re not mad anymore. Why don’t you come out and we can get some food? Samsgyupsal? Jjampoong? Pasta? You love all those foods. If you come out we can eat them together.”

Again, no movement.

“It’s okay Jaehyun, you’re safe now.” Doyoung said gently. He pulled something out of his pocket. “We can play pirates together. Just come on out.”

Doyoung waited for a few seconds and he heard the door slowly unlock. He stepped back and watched as a tired looking Jaehyun peeked his head out. Doyoung’s heart broke at the bags around his eyes, his red nose, the dried blood on the sides of his cheeks and his red forehead. “Is my dad here?” he asked, voice broken and weak.

“No,” Doyoung smiled. “He’s gone. He’s not mad anymore. It’s just me.” He extended a hand. “Come on.”

Jaehyun took his hand and slowly walked out. Doyoung caressed his face and showed him a tiny sock in his hand. “Look. Pirates.”

Jaehyun buried his head in the crook of Doyoung’s neck and sobbed. Doyoung closed his eyes and held him, pressing the pirate sock against his back.

**********************

“Well then Mr Jeong,” Kun adjusted his glasses as he looked at Jaehyun’s file. “Do you know why you are here?”

“I screwed up one of the biggest career opportunities of my life.” Jaehyun sighed. “And I also have a drinking problem. I think I do at least.”

“Tell me more about it.”

“Do I have to? Can’t you read it from the papers?”

“I would prefer if you told me yourself, and more specifically, what went through your head when it happened.”

Jaehyun would have never said yes to therapy if he knew Kun was going to make him recount the worst memories of his life. Still, Doyoung and Johnny insisted and as he recounted them, there was some sort of assurance that things were going to be okay. Kun wrote down some notes and smiled at him.

“Am I sick? Is there something wrong with me?”

“No, why would you say that?”

“I just presumed,” Jaehyun made a face. “That there was something wrong with me.”

“The only problem I can see here, is that you haven’t been happy for a long time.” Kun said. “Can you think back to the last time you felt well and truly happy?”

Jaehyun ran through the memories in his head. “I guess… I guess it’s been a while.”

“Doyoung mentioned to me that when Johnny yelled at you, you panicked and ran into the closet. Why is that?”

“Oh,” Jaehyun blushed. “I didn’t mean to do that. It was something I used to do as a kid.”

“Did anyone in your family yell at you like that?”

“My dad did.”

Kun nodded. “Let’s talk about him.”

“Why?”

“Happiness begins at home, so in order to search for it, we must go back home.”

_I had a home. And then I lost it._

“As difficult as it is, the best way for us to move on to our future is to acknowledge our past. We must recognise the pain and the struggle and accept the imperfections in it. Every time you push your past away, you are also pushing your future.”

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know how to do that. For years I hated my dad. My dad was the reason no one wanted to play with me. My dad was the reason I had to be the good kid because I didn’t want to upset him. My dad was the reason my mum died, because when she had her heart attack, all he did was just stand there in shock.” Jaehyun sniffed.

“My dad drank a lot, and that’s why I hate drinking, yet I turn to it myself. Doyoung drinks too and when we get drunk we yell at each other, and that yelling reminded me of my dad and I started to panic, so I shut myself out so that I wouldn’t have to hear it again.”

“It’s okay Jaehyun.”

“This is so pathetic.” Jaehyun let out a tear. “I just wanted a normal dad. Why is that so hard? I just wanted to be loved.”

“You are.” Kun said. “That’s why I’m here. People sent me to help you because they love you.”

“They do?”

“They do.”

**********************

Jaehyun was pretty sure if anyone spotted him right now, they would report him as a stalker. He looked up at Doyoung’s building and looked back down at the road again. Dr Qian told him to make peace with his past, to gain closure from it in order to be able to move on. Jaehyun never really moved on from his divorce. He thought he did, but as his recent drunken scandal proved, the only thing he did was bury it until it burst.

Minho thankfully decided not to press charges. Director Park was not amused still and Mrs Park will probably never speak to him again. Which is fair, because he never wanted to see her again either. Jaehyun picked up his phone and dialled a number.

“Hello?” Doyoung answered.

“Uhm, hi Doyoung.” Jaehyun sniffed. “It’s me.”

“Hey Jaehyun, are you okay? How have you been doing?”

“I’m okay. I just wanted to say that I have been seeing Dr Qian for two weeks now, the therapist you recommended.” Jaehyun started. “I just uhm… I just wanted to thank you for everything. For helping me get out of the closet.”

“It’s no problem Jae.”

“I… I also wanted to apologize to you. For everything. For the divorce and all.”

“You don’t have to Jaehyun.”

“No but, that’s what I felt like. I felt like this whole thing was my fault, like I wasn’t a good enough husband or life partner. I know you have always wanted children and I kept putting it off, saying it was my career or that we were too young, but the truth is, I was scared. I didn’t want to be a dad because I didn’t know how to. I didn’t have a father growing up, and the one I did terrified me as a child. I didn’t want to be that for our future child. I wanted to be the cool dad. I wanted to be the best dad, and I was so scared I couldn’t do it so I lied and made up excuses about it. I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you.”

“Jae…”

“I also want you to know that… I haven’t been in the best headspace for a while.” Jaehyun wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “And I’m trying. I’m really trying. This whole fiasco reminded me that I have to take care of myself, especially if I want to be there for you or for any of my other friends. So I’m trying Doyoung. Kun is helping me and I’m trying very hard, and I’m going to try very hard in the future too.”

“Jae…” Doyoung sighed gently. “Get up here. Floor 16.”

Jaehyun rode the elevator up to his floor and knocked on the door of the penthouse. Doyoung opened it and smiled at him. “Do you want to see him?”

“Can I?”

“Yeah.” Doyoung stepped aside. “Come in.”

Jaehyun followed Doyoung up the stairs to the second floor and into the baby’s nursery. “Here he is,” Doyoung lifted baby Jeno from the cradle. “His name is Lee Jeno.” He slowly transferred the baby into Jaehyun’s arms. The actor just stared at the baby, not moving at all.

“Can I move?”

“Of course you can.” Doyoung laughed.

“What if I drop him?”

“You won’t. Give it a try.”

Jaehyun started swaying slowly, holding the baby in his arms. “Oh my god, I’m holding him.”

“That’s right.” Doyoung grinned. “You’re holding him.”

Jaehyun looked down at the tiny face, round eyes looking back at him. The baby’s lips curved upwards and his eyes began to disappear into thin lines. Jaehyun felt a warmth in his heart slowly grown and envelope. “He’s beautiful.”

“He is.” Doyoung smiled proudly. “Hang on, let me get a camera.”

“Wait Doyoung!” Jaehyun panicked. He looked back at the baby but Doyoung was already gone. What was he supposed to do? Just hold him? Put him down? Put up him up? Put him where?

“Dada.” The baby cooed.

“Huh?” Jaehyun’s ears perked up as he stared at the baby in shock.

“Dada.”

“No Jeno, I’m not your daddy. Doyoung is.”

“Dada.”

“No, I’m not…”

“Dada,” Jeno giggled, sucking his thumb and reaching for his face. His chubby hands grabbed his chin. “Dada.” He said one more time.

Jaehyun looked at Jeno and felt something shift in him. Something different, a new sensation he has never felt before.

“Yes,” Jaehyun tried to hold back his tears. “Yes baby. I’m here.”

He found somebody worth fighting to stay alive for.

The next day, Doyoung asked Jaehyun to be Jeno’s godfather, which he tearfully agreed. The next week, he bought a whole year’s supply of baby formula. The week after that, a new camera so that he could film everything Jeno did. The next month he came to find Doyoung with a whole suitcase of childcare and parenting books and started planning out his vaccine schedule and health insurance. Doyoung had to calm him down before the man went berserk and rewrote his will to leave everything to an 8-month-old baby.

They say that children need their parents, but often it’s the other way around. Parents need their children, that’s why they have them.

**********************

Jaehyun was a little surprised to see that there was a new person at the reception counter of Kun’s clinic. “What happened to Mrs. Tan?” he asked the new girl.

“Oh, she went into labour.” She grinned. “She had her baby a couple of hours ago and she’ll be on maternity leave. I’ll be taking over from her from now on.”

“Damn,” Jaehyun made a face. “Guess I didn’t make it in time. I got her flowers to wish her a safe delivery, but I guess she beat me to it.”

“Ooo, what flowers did you get her?”

“Lilies.” Jaehyun held up a lily bouquet.

“You can give them to me.” The new girl beamed. “I love lilies.”

“Uhm, sure.” Jaehyun handed them to her. “What’s your name?”

The new girl sniffed the flowers and smiled. She had glowing skin, jet black hair and rosy lips. “My name is Naeun.”


	7. mirrorball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun finds a new love

“You seem to be progressing fairly well.” Kun said, scribbling down notes in his notebook. “How are you feeling lately?”

“I feel good. Slightly more positive.” Jaehyun nodded. “I haven’t touched a drink in 30 days now.”

“Good good,” Kun smiled. “We can’t be too complacent. We still have work to do but we are making progress.” He noted how Jaehyun kept looking to the side and staring out his window. He saw his receptionist Naeun smile at guests and escort them to their seats in the waiting room. “Uhm, Jaehyun?”

“Yes?”

“You could just…” Kun tied to suppress his growing smile. “Ask for her number.”

“Oh no,” Jaehyun shook his head. “No no no I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Well… just…” Jaehyun blushed, rubbing his hands together, a clear sign of nervousness. “It wouldn’t seem professional.”

“You are one of the hottest actors in the world right now, and you’re afraid of a tiny receptionist rejecting you?” Kun shook his head. “She won’t say no.”

“Really?”

“Yes of course. Go do it.”

Jaehyun took his advice and slowly walked up to Naeun. Before he could even open his mouth, she said “I heard, my boss told me you want my number.”

“Damn it.” Jaehyun hid his face in his hands. “What happened to doctor-patient confidentiality?”

“That’s so cute though.” She grinned. “What are you doing on Thursday?”

“Uhm…” Jaehyun blinked. “Are you asking me out?”

“Am I not allowed to?” she smirked. “Do I have to sign some sort of confidentiality agreement of some sort?”

“No,no,” Jaehyun blushed and started stuttering. “It’s not that, it’s just I was a little surprised. I mean we are still trying to get to know each other.”

“It’s easier to do it over dinner.” She shrugged careless. “So? What do you say?”

**********************

This is semi-pathetic, even for Jaehyun. He was the big famous superstar, he should be full of confidence and walked around like he owned the room. He has endured countless auditions and screen tests in front of some of the most terrifying producers and directors. A simple dinner date should not terrify him so much.

Yet there he was, in the restaurant, squeezing his legs like he was about to pee at any second.

“Naeun,” he stood up when he saw her enter the restaurant. She looked absolutely stunning, wavy black hair down to her waist as she walked up to him in a slim, tailored blazer over a white top and thigh high leather boots. Despite her sweet smile, she was walking like a boss and Jaehyun couldn’t decide if he was terrified or turned on.

“Hello.” She smiled as he pulled the chair out for her. “You look vey handsome, as usual.”

“Thank you, you look stunning.”

“Thank you,” she grinned. “This is one heck of a fancy restaurant.”

“Yeah. The food isn’t necessarily the best but the privacy is good.” He answered. “It’s something I have to think about nowadays whenever I am out with someone.”

“Well I certainly think you have that covered, especially with the private dining area and the two bodyguards outside.” She laughed. “Let’s order shall we?”

It was very difficult to explain why Naeun both attracted and terrified Jaehyun. Naeun was so bold and fearless. In a way it seemed like nothing scared her. She wasn’t intimidated by Jaehyun when she first met him, nor was she initimidated by the grandeur of the place she was in. The foor arrived and even after mispronouncing half of the stuff of the plate and using a salad fork instead of a dinner fork, she just said she “didn’t give a fork” and continued doing whatever she wanted to do. Her disregard for upper class social conduct may have been slightly terrifying, but it was also attractive.

“Why do you look so nervous?” she asked him halfway through the meal.

“Me?”

“Yeah. You’ve been skirting around like a dog that wants to pee but couldn’t.” she told him outright. Jaehyun almost choked on his dessert and he laughed so hard he almost snorted his food out. “Am I wrong though?” she laughed with him.

“No no, you’re right.” Jaehyun wheezed, clutching his chest to control himself. “I was nervous indeed. It’s just that it’s been a long time since I have been on a date.”

“Oh come on, that can’t be true.”

“It is!”

“When was your last date?”

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun scratched his head. “A couple of years ago?”

“Oh my god,” she shook her head. “How is it possible that you look like this and not gotten asked out at least 700 times a day? If I looked like you I would be hitting the clubs and banging any chick I want, no offense.”

Jaehyun giggled. “I work a lot so that doesn’t give me plenty of time to socialize. And I don’t get asked out 700 times a day.”

“No?”

“Nah, it’s more like 700 times a week.” He said and the two of them laughed.

Snorting food out of his nose was probably the best thing that had happened that night, because it made them relax and enjoy the rest of the night. They chatted on throughout the night until the restaurant closed down. Jaehyun insisted on driving Naeun home and she agreed. He took a trip to the counter to settle the bill and when he was done, he found Naeun looking up at the restaurant ceiling, up at a big crystal mirror ball.

“Do you like them?” he asked her, pointing to the light fixture.

“I used to think they were tacky.” She said, “But this one is kind of cool.”

“Really?” Jaehyun looked up. “Looks like any other mirror ball to me.”

“Don’t you think the way they reflect light and add radiance to a room is so beautiful?” she said. “You could turn it as many ways around as possible and it would always be something different.”

“I’ve never noticed that.”

“It’s so beautiful.” She smiled. “Imagine if it breaks though. A million shards spread all over the floor.”

He proceeded to drive her home, but not before parking the car in her apartment basement and staying there as they talked about everything and anything. By the time she did get out of the car, his fuel was running out and their lips were parched from all the talking.

“Oh dear, are you sure you’ll be able to make it home?”

“I can manage.” Jaehyun reassured her.

“Why don’t you come up and have some water?” she offered. “I won’t try anything fishy. I swear.”

Oh he wasn’t worried about her, he was worried about himself. Alone in a woman’s apartment with someone who looks like her?

Jaehyun followed Naeun up to her small apartment. Her apartment was small but neatly kept. Her shelves were lined with books and a laptop sat on the living room table surrounded by paper. Naeun said she was working on her first novel whilst working at Kun’s clinic.

“This is beautiful.” Jaehyun said, pausing to look at a wall of pictures. One of them was a picture of her posing by a lake with a shawl around her. “Where is this?”

“Lake District in England.” Naeun poured him a glass of water. “I studied in writing and English literature in college.”

“This is beautiful.” Jaehyun said. “I have been to London but I have never travelled to see this place.”

“You should go, it’s absolutely beautiful.” She handed him his glass. “There’s an old café there I used to frequent every single day. Sadly the owner passed away several years ago, but that place holds a very special place in my heart.”

“Maybe.” Jaehyun said. “We should go together. You could be my tour guide.”

“Sounds like fun.” Naeun looked at him. “Do you like dead poets?”

Jaehyun snorted water out of his nostril this time and laughed. This beautiful woman made him snort stuff through his nose twice in one night. How does she do it? He pulled her in close and hugged her.

As Shakespeare would have said, twas the beginning of something beautiful.

**********************

The public didn’t know much about Jaehyun and Naeun’s relationship. While the two were spotted together several times in public, neither party commented on the status of their relationship. Jaehyun tried really hard to keep his relationship private, something he discovered a long time ago as important to do. As Jaehyun’s career expanded from just handsome second lead to powerful lead actor, he realized it was becoming even more potent to keep his private life away from the public eye. Meanwhile, Naeun was still working at Kun’s clinic while working as a writer. She published her first romance novel under the name Yeo Jooda and it was an instant hit. A budding novelist and a world-famous actor in a relationship would definitely be a headline magnet, and neither of them were giving the public that opportunity.

A big step in their relationship came when Jaehyun introduced Naeun to his godson Jeno for the first time. It was Jeno’s 5th birthday, and he was having a party with all of his friends from preschool in his backyard. It included a huge inflatable bouncy castle and a chocolate fountain and endless supply of pizza. Jeno grinned widely when he saw his godfather show up with a big present and quickly ran up to hug him.

“Uncle Jaehyun!!”

“How are you doing my boy?” Jeno laughed. “Having a good time?”

“Yes!!”

“Jeno, this is Naeun.” Jaehyun carefully introduced her. “She’s my special friend today.”

“Hi Jeno.” Naeun bent down to shake Jeno’s little hand. “Can I join your party today? I bought you a gift to help celebrate.”

Jeno was clearly apprehensive from the start. Jaehyun gulped thickly, worried Jeno might say no and push her away. He finally smiled when Jeno nodded.

“Whew, we made it past level 1. Now don’t be scared, we still have level 2.”

“I’m not scared.” She shrugged. “Your ex husband is fine with me anyways.”

“Uh huh,” Jaehyun squeaked. “About that...”

“You did not.” She glared at him. “You didn’t tell him I was coming?!”

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung came out from the inside of his house and Taeyong followed. Taeyong dropped his jaw in shock and Ten, who was lounging by the pool, even removed his glasses and sat up in surprise. “Oh, you bought a guest.”

“She’s not a guest.” Jaehyun cleared his throat. “Doyoung, this is Naeun. She’s my girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you.” Naeun smiled warmly. “I’m sorry to intrude. I didn’t know Jaehyun didn’t notify you that I was coming.” She turned to him and the actor bit his lip.

“It’s fine, a friend of Jaehyun’s is always welcomed.” Doyoung smiled. “Help yourself to some punch.”

“You seem to be taking this rather well.” Taeyong commented a couple of hours later when the two of them were in the kitchen washing up. Jaehyun, Ten and Naeun volunteered to look after the kids while the magician Kun (who knew he could do magic) was performing for the kids.

“Taking what well?” Doyoung asked.

“Your ex-husband just walked into your son’s birthday party with Cinderella and you don’t feel threatened.”

“Why should I be?” Doyoung scoffed. “The insinuation is hurtful. Just because she’s a woman and she’s beautiful and she’s a successful writer doesn’t mean I can’t accept her.”

“I didn’t say those words in that order but sure.” Taeyong shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

“You think her boobs are fake?” Doyoung mumbled out of nowhere, looking out of the kitchen window at the kids who were clapping for Kun the Magnificent.

“Do I look like an expert on female genitalia?” Taeyong made a face. “How should I know?”

“Her boobs are real.” Ten said when he came in with a stack of dirty dishes. “And her hair is luscious. UGH I hate those gorgeous curls in her hair.”

“How do you know the boobs are real?”

“If you spend a week around models, you’ll be able to tell whose boobs are real or not.” Ten winked. “She’s really cute and the kids seem to like her.”

“Fun.” Doyoung dropped a dish into the sink a little loudly. They continued washing up until Naeun entered the kitchen. All three men stopped to look at her as she carried a bunch of dirty dishes inside. She turned around behind her in confusion.

“Was there something behind me?”

“No, nothing.” Ten made a face. He and Taeyong left the kitchen as Naeun put down the plates next to Doyoung. “Can I help you?” she asked.

“Oh no it’s okay.” Doyoung smiled awkwardly. “I can’t be making a guest do the dishes.”

“Well then let me get you a drink. You have been working hard all week planning Jeno’s birthday, you should enjoy it too.”

“Thank you,” Doyoung’s face softened. “That’s very sweet of you. There is some punch in the bowl over there.”

Naeun scooped a cup of it and handed some to Doyoung. He dried his hands and took a sip, eyes wide at the strange sensation that hit the back of his throat. “This…” Naeun pulled out a little flask from her pocket and she almost winked like the devil. “This is for adults only.”

Doyoung scoffed. He was so determined to hate her, and yet it seemed like they were going to get along fine. _How annoying._

“I’m sorry if I came uninvited.” Naeun said. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“Well, it was a surprise.” Doyoung said. “Jaehyun has never bought anyone home to meet Jeno or me. You two must have something special.”

“Not special enough for him to be honest to you about it.”

Doyoung tried to hide his smile. “He’s like that. He can be a little sneaky.”

“How did you handle him?” Naeun huffed.

“Well in all fairness I don’t think I was any better at it.” Doyoung said. “I’m quite a handful myself.”

“No wonder you two were such a match.”

Doyoung laughed again. “If you want to stick around you’ll have to learn how to.”

“Only if you teach me,” she grinned. “And share your fruit tart recipe.”

Doyoung giggled. Yes, he was definitely going to get along well with Naeun.

**********************

Over the next two years, Naeun had gone from ‘Uncle Jaehyun’s special friend’ to ‘Auntie Naeun’. They spent Christmas together, New Year, special holidays, and even attended Jeno’s sport meet together. Doyoung, in the meantime, won his very first Album of The Year award and Jaehyun won Best Supporting Actor the following year. They were riding a high in their career and flying so far it was almost impossible to stop them. Everyone was progressing so well, the inevitable soon raised.

“What do you think about marriage?” Jaehyun asked Naeun one day on a long drive back to her place. Jaehyun packed an overnight bag as he was planning to stay over. It was the weekend and he always stays over.

“I love it.” Naeun answered. “I have always wanted to get married. Have kids, start a family and all that jazz.”

“Me too.” Jaehyun smiled. “We should do it someday.”

“Someday,” she mumbled. “You mean after another 6 years of dating?”

“Well…” Jaehyun trailed off. “Things have just been busy these past couple of years. And we are comfortable where we are. What’s the rush?”

“Have you never considered that I might be in a rush? I’m approaching the age where my eggs are wasting faster than a spoiled refrigerator.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“You’re not the only one who is busy.”

“But you were the one who said you were in a rush.”

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes as she turned her head towards the window. “It’s not a big deal. Like you said, we’re not in a rush.”

“Exactly. We should do it when the time is right.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “We will know when the time is right.”

**********************

“I was thinking,” Jaehyun told Doyoung while chewing on an apple in Doyoung’s kitchen. “of bringing Naeun with me to the Baeksang Awards next month.”

“You mean,” Doyoung’s eyes opened wide. “On the red carpet? Formally introduce her as your girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun said. “I’m serious about her and she might be my wife one day, so I think I should make it clear to the whole world. I can’t be hiding from my fans about this forever anyways.”

“Did you ask her? Is she okay with it?”

“I didn’t ask her about the Baeksang Awards specifically.” Jaehyun turned his head to see Jeno and Naeun watching TV together. Jeno had his head on her lap, curling up to his favourite Auntie and hugging his favourite dolphin plushie. Naeun stroked the child’s head gently, nodding away as Jeno rambled on about the TV show. “That’s Mama bear! She…”

“We have talked about her ‘reveal’ and she did mention that she has always wanted to walk on the red carpet.” Jaehyun continued. “She will be thrilled.”

“Well I’m happy for you.” Doyoung said. “She’s been a steady presence in our lives and Jeno loves her.”

“What about yourself?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, why don’t you bring a date to Baeksang?”

“Sure, let me just ask him once he gets off your girlfriend’s lap.” Doyoung said and the two of them burst into laughter.

A few weeks later, the Baeksang Awards finally happened. Doyoung was expected to perform a medley of movie soundtracks while Jaehyun was nominated for Best Actor in the movie category and his movie was also nominated for Best Picture. It was a grand affair and it had the whole country buzzing with who would really walk away with one of the most prestigious prizes in the country. Doyoung really took Jeno along with him. The 7-year-old boy was just trailing happily after his father on the red carpet, smiling happily and waving at every camera he could find.

“Jaehyun!” Doyoung called Jaehyun when he saw him on the red carpet. “Hang on, where’s Naeun? I thought you said she would be with you?”

“Her flight from Tokyo was delayed.” Jaehyun sighed. “I’m not sure if she can make it. I tried calling her but she hasn’t picked up yet.”

“Where’s Auntie Naeun?” Jeno asked. “What happened to her?”

“Her flight is late.” Doyoung explained to him. “She might not be able to show up.”

“Oh no.” the young boy pouted.

“It’s okay Jaehyun, we’ll pull a seat for you to join us if she doesn’t come.” Doyoung tapped Jaehyun’s arm.

“She’ll be here.” Jaehyun rubbed his hands together nervously. “She has always made it. She’ll be here. God cannot be this cruel.”

“We’ll wait for you inside.” Doyoung said, dragging Jeno with him inside the building. He focused on keeping his son occupied while Jaehyun paced around outside, checking his phone at least a million times in that last hour, hoping Naeun would call.

“Sir, the show is about to begin.” One of the staff members told him. “You have to go in.” the cameramen that were outside were slowly starting to move their gear inside. Just when Jaehyun was about to give up hope and accept the fact that Naeun was not able to make it, a car suddenly swerved around in front of the building. Jaehyun recognized that car. It was his own staff car.

Johnny, his own manager, got out of the driver’s seat to open the passenger door. The sight took Jaehyun’s breath away and cameramen started putting their tools down to take pictures of the angel that just stepped out.

“I am so sorry,” Naeun huffed as she stepped out in her long, black mermaid dress with a sweetheart neckline. Her hair was tied in a low ponytail and diamond earrings adorned her ears along with a gorgeous silver necklace hanging from her neck. It was the same necklace Jaehyun got her for their anniversary a few years ago. “Airport security is a bitch. Thank god I actually bought my dress with me to Japan.”

“You… you changed in the car?” Jaehyun stared at her in shock, both from her beauty and the fact that she looked like that IN THE CAR. She didn’t even go home to shower or anything. She rushed all the way just for him.

“I had no choice!” Naeun sighed. “I didn’t even get to put any eyeliner on. Shit, I hope I don’t look like a mess.”

“No,” Jaehyun smiled. “You’re beautiful.” He turned Naeun around in his arms and let the photographers take their pictures. His grip on her waist was a little tighter as finally, for the first time that night, he felt at ease. Naeun smiled naturally, like she had been practicing this for ages. Maybe she had.

“Holy shit.” People started murmuring when Jaehyun came in with Naeun hand in hand. “She’s beautiful.”

“I heard a rumour that she is actually writer Yeo Jooda.’

“No fucking way. That’s incredible.”

“Auntie Naeun!” Jeno ran up to her. “You’re here!”

“Yes I am!” Naeun bent down to hug him. “I’m so sorry I was late.”

“Sit next to me Auntie!” Jeno pulled her to sit next to him and everyone laughed.

“That was a close shave huh?” Doyoung chuckled when Naeun picked Jeno up to place him on her lap.

“I have never changed clothes in a car before.” Naeun sighed. “I am never doing it again.”

“Ugh I know.” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “Wait till you try getting your hair done in the car.”

“No way.”

“Way.” He grinned and she nudged him back.

As the evening progressed, it finally came time to announce the winner for Best Actor. Jeno climbed onto Jaehyun’s lap and tapped his cheek. “Uncle Jaehyun will win! Uncle Jaehyun is the best!”

“Thank you.” Jaehyun pulled him close and kissed the back of his head. “I sure hope so.”

“You will.” Naeun winked at him. “The other candidates don’t stand a chance against you.”

“And the winner is… Jeong Jaehyun!”

The roars and claps deafened them as Jaehyun stood up to give his family a hug. He kissed Jeno’s cheek, kissed Naeun and hugged Doyoung tightly. Doyoung, Jeno and Naeun clapped all the way as Jaehyun climbed onstage to accept the award. The actor was completely overwhelmed, grinning from ear to ear as his ears turned its classic shade of red.

“I sometimes wonder how he can act with those ears.” Doyoung whispered to Naeun. The girl giggled and gave Doyoung a fist bump.

“This is such an amazing honour. I can’t believe I am actually nominated in the same category as all of the other amazing, talented actors you see here tonight and it’s an even greater surprise to know that I have won. This movie has been one of the craziest and most personal adventures of my life. I would like to thank director Park…”

“Appa I wanna go pee.” Jeno squirmed in his seat.

“Shhh not now.” Doyoung shushed him. “In a bit.”

“I would just like to share this award with my dad, who passed away last year. My dad and I did not have the easiest of relationships and just like my character Junsu, I have managed to find peace and forgiveness in our relationship. He was a good man and no matter what, he still is the reason I am here today. To my godson Jeno, who I love with every fibre of my being, his father Doyoung who is one of the most important people in my life. Jeno always liked to say that I should never lose the sunshine in my life and my sunshine is my girlfriend Lee Naeun.”

The camera panned to Naeun who dropped her jaw in shock and was turning red immediately. Everyone in the audience cooed as she pressed her hand against her heart and mouthed thank you.

“Do you know why I don’t like to call you my girlfriend?” Jaehyun asked. “It’s because I want to call you my wife.”

“OH MY GOD!!!” Naeun was now in total shock as Jeno screamed excitedly and jumped up and down. Doyoung completely froze in his seat as the crown went absolutely wild. Someone started escorting her up the stage and as the camera panned upwards, it was only then did Doyoung realize that Jaehyun was on one knee, with a ring in his hand.

“Lee Naeun.” Jaehyun took her hand. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” Naeun wiped the tears from her face as she fell into his arms and kissed him. The roof was about to be blown off the building as the crowd cheered and everyone, from the staff to fellow actors and actresses to the directors being blown away by such a sweet public proposal. Jeno was jumping around happily. “Auntie Naeun and Uncle Jaehyun are getting married!!”

Doyoung was still rooted in his seat, mouth hanging open in shock. He had no idea Jaehyun was going to propose to Naeun tonight. He watched the confetti fall on the couple as they held hands together to climb back down the stage. He swore he had seen a scene like this before.

He ignored a little lurch in his heart as he swooped Jaehyun and Doyoung into a warm hug. Jeno was smiling and singing the wedding march song so loudly the two of them had to bribe him to shut up because it was embarrassing. Everyone at the table was smiling widely and passing congratulations to them.

So why was it Doyoung didn’t feel like smiling?

**********************

**_The Sun: Breaking: Jeong Jaehyun and Girlfriend Lee Naeun Are Engaged_ **

**_Buzzbuzz News: THIS IS REAL!! Jeong Jaehyun Proposes to girlfriend Lee Naeun on TV!_ **

**_Wowza: Congratulations! Award winning actor Jeong Jaehyun Is Engaged to Author Lee Naeun._ **

**********************

_usedtobetytrack: wow, the media really is going nuts over Jaehyun’s engagement_

_tenoutoften: It’s so romantic! I was screaming so loud at my TV Kun thought I was watching a horror movie._

_bunnydy: This is all people are going to be talking about for a while_

_tenoutoften: Did they say when they are planning to get married?_

_bunnydy: Don’t know, didn’t ask._

_usedtobetytrack: how are you feeling Doie?_

_bunnydy: Me? Honestly?_

_usedtobetytrack: Yeah of course._

_bunnydy: well, my ex-husband got engaged before me. What do you think?_

“Appa?” Doyoung turned his head to find a Jeno at his door, holding onto his dolphin plushie.

“Jeno?” Doyoung sat up in his bed. “What are you doing here? It’s late.”

“Can I sleep with you Appa?”

“Did the monster come and see you again?” Jeno nodded, pouting cutely.

“Come on then.” Doyoung patted his side and pulled his son in his embrace. “You’ll be safe here.”

“Appa,” Jeno asked. “when is Uncle Jaehyun and Auntie Naeun getting married?”

“Not sure, they didn’t say.” Doyoung answered. “Are you excited for them to get married?”

“Not really.”

“Wait why?”

“Jaemin said that when his sister got married, she moved out of the house and hardly came home to play with him. What if Uncle Jeno doesn’t come back to play with me anymore?”

“That’s not going to happen.” Doyoung kissed his forehead. “Your godfather loves you and he will always come back for you. Auntie Naeun loves you too. They would never leave you behind.”

“Have you ever been married before Appa?” Jeno asked.

“I have.” Doyoung smiled awkwardly. “I used to be married to Uncle Jaehyun.”

“I know.”

“How did you know?”

“Uncle Jaehyun told me.” Jeno said. “Last year I think.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Why did you and Uncle Jaehyun break up?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I can understand.”

“You’re too young Jeno-yah.”

“Oh come on Appa.” Jeno pouted. “Tell me.”

“Well, let’s put it this way.” Doyoung said. “Your godfather and I became too busy. You know how I have to work for months and months away from home?”

“Like on tour?”

“Yeah, stuff like that. We didn’t get to spend a lot of time together so we broke up.”

“Wendy said her parents divorced because they didn’t love each other anymore. Is that what happened?”

“No, not exactly,” Doyoung mused. “Marriage works a little differently for adults, and it’s different for every couple.”

“Do you still love Uncle Jaehyun then?”

Doyoung bit his lip. “Of course I do.”

“Then why don’t you marry him again?”

“Because he’s marrying Auntie Naeun.” Doyoung said. “And besides, it didn’t work out for us before, and we deserve other people now. I have you, your godfather has you and Auntie Naeun, we are all happy where we are and it works for us. You don’t have to marry the per”

“Then are you going to marry someone else?”

“No,” Doyoung laughed. “I don’t think so.”

“Good,” Jeno curled up to Doyoung and pulled him in. “I don’t want anyone taking my Appa away.”

“Don’t think of it like that,” Doyoung stroked his head. “You didn’t lose your godfather, you are gaining a godmother.”

“Yeah,” Jeno smiled. “It does sound nice.”

“Don’t worry son.” Doyoung kissed the top of his head. “You will always be my number one priority no matter what. I gave up my marriage to have you, and it was the best decision I have ever made.”

**********************

“Now, you hold onto the ring like this,” Jaehyun handed the velvet box to Jeno. “Stand up tall,” Jeno puffed his chest and straightened his back. “And just walk down this line and give me the first ring.”

“Which ring?”

“The one on top.”

Jeno opened the box and frowned. “Which one is on top?” Jaehyun shook his head and laughed.

“It’s so cute.” Doyoung smiled sweetly, cocking his head as he watched his son and Jaehyun practice his ring boy job in the backyard. He stirred his summer cocktail and turned to Naeun. “Jeno is going to be the cutest boy at the wedding.”

“He just narrowly beat out my cousin Bomin for ring boy.” Naeun giggled. “My mother wanted him but Jaehyun insisted on picking Jeno instead.”

“Of course, Jeno is the most adorable one.”

“Doyoung,” Naeun put he hands together. “I would like to ask you something.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“I was wondering if you could sing at our wedding.” She asked. “I just… your music. Your music has been so influential in our lives and of course the world and it would mean a lot if you could sing for us.”

Doyoung smiled back at Naeun. “Of course, I was waiting for you to ask me.”

“Well I called Mariah Carey but she wasn’t available so I asked you.” She quipped and Doyoung nudged her in response.

“Mariah WISHES she could sing my songs.” Doyoung made a face. “I can do Mariah any day but I bet she couldn’t do me.”

“Damn right.” Naeun clinked her glass with his. “I have something else to ask you.”

“Fire away.”

“What is Jaehyun like as a husband?”

That question took Doyoung by surprise. He must have been staring at her strangely because even Naeun turned red in the face. “I know, I know it’s weird that I am asking my ex-husband this question but I just… I just want to know.”

“Well, uhm…” Doyoung stuttered. “To be fair, I don’t think my experience was a fair one, considering the circumstances were so different.”

“I know, I just…” Naeun breathed in deeply. “I guess I would just like a heads up, in case this has the potential to go wrong or anything.”

“No no don’t be silly.” Doyoung said. “Jaehyun is a wonderful husband and you are marrying him under totally different conditions than I was. My experience can’t be compared to yours. He is the kindest, most patient and most loving person ever and you know that.”

“I know, but he’s also a superstar.” Naeun said. “And I guess I was just worried that I would never be able to… fit in. Like I’m not sure if I have what it takes to be the Nation’s It Lady or whatever it is that comes with his title.”

“You are more than qualified for it, trust me.” Doyoung said. “The media is going to give you a hard time, it’s their job. And fans are going to find fault in you, but I’ve seen you defend a single mother from a bully in public before. You have the guts, and most importantly, you love Jaehyun, and that’s all you need.”

“Is it really enough?”

“It is, trust me.”

“Thank you.” Naeun held his hand. “I don’t know how to thank you enough for this.”

“Please don’t.” Doyoung said. “Just be happy. Do for him what I couldn’t. That’s payment enough.”

**********************

**_The Tea: Kim Doyoung Responds to ex Jeong Jaehyun’s Engagement_ **

**_Buzzbuzz News: Kim Doyoung Posts Well-wishes for ex Jeong Jaehyun’s Engagement_ **

**_The Sun: Kim Doyoung to Reportedly Sing at ex Jeong Jaehyun’s Wedding_ **

**********************

_“So Joy, have you heard that Kim Doyoung is going to sing at Jeong Jaehyun’s wedding?” Jungwoo asked his costar._

_“Oh yes and let me tell you, when I saw the news my jaw fell open. I mean if someone asked me to sing at my ex’s wedding I would punch their teeth out.”_

_“That is so true, but I absolutely love this friendship between Doyoung and Jaehyun. It just shows how far they have come, and they are now more than capable to push past their differences and stay friends. You can be friends with your exes, ladies and gentlemen.”_

_“I disagree. I believe in being amicable but to be on this kind of term with your ex? That’s too close for comfort if you ask me.”_

_“Well if you guys, the viewers, are watching this, tweet us at LastLastNight and share us your thoughts. Can you stay friends with your ex?”_

**********************

“This is such a lovely location.” Taeyong smiled, holding hands with Johnny as they walked around the beautiful mystic garden in the back of a luxurious hotel where Jaehyun and Naeun were getting married.

“Maybe we should have a garden event for our renewal.” Johnny grinned. “I quite like the look of this place.”

“But what if it rains? And it’s cold. Our anniversary is in November.”

“We could just bring in a bunch of plants and make it an indoor garden party.”

“Come on, let’s go find our seats.” Taeyong dragged him back where they sat next to Doyoung. Doyoung has a front row seat with his son while Naeun’s parents were on the other side. “How’s everything?” Taeyong asked him.

“It’s going great. I just went to see Naeun and she looks beautiful.” Doyoung said. “Jaehyun is going to cry when he sees her.”

“As expected.”

“What do you mean?”

“He cried when he married you too. Don’t you remember?”

The ceremony began and the guests stood at attention. Jaehyun was at the altar, looking as handsome as he could be with his hair swept back and a daisy in his pocket, the same flower he first gifted Naeun the day they first met. Naeun finally appeared on her father’s arm, dressed in a long, flowy gown and daisies in her hair. She looked like an angel and Doyoung could feel tears in his eyes.

“Do you, Jeong Jaehyun, take Lee Naeun as your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

“Do you, Lee Naeun, take Jeong Jaehyun to be your lawfully wedded husband.”

“I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you two husband and wife!”

The crowd cheered as the priest declared them married and the two newlyweds kissed for the first time as husband and wife. Jeno was throwing the confetti as high as he possibly could while they walked down the aisle hand in hand.

The reception soon moved indoors where the whole mystic garden theme continued, except it had a giant crystal ball in the centre of the dance floor. Naeun loves mirrorballs and even if it did make it look like a disco overgrown with plants indoors, it was beautiful and tastefully done. Doyoung took a break from the loud noise and the partying to sneak outside for some fresh air. He was ready to pull out a pack of cigarettes, but then a hand slapped it away.

“Don’t.” Doyoung looked up to find Naeun. “Drink this instead.”

“But that’s alcohol.”

“I’d rather you drink than smoke.”

“Thanks.” Doyoung took the drink from her. Naeun pulled up her skirt and revealed a small flask hidden away in the under-lining of her dress. Doyoung almost snorted the beer through his nose. “You didn’t.”

“Did you even try the punch they served? It was disgusting.” Naeun added some vodka in her drink before finishing it off. “Ah yes, that’s much better.”

“Easy, you’re the bride here.”

“I know but I’m just so tired.” She sighed. “My feet hurt like a bitch and look at these heels.” She lifted her feet adorned in the tallest Jimmy Choos anyone has ever seen. “I have twirled in them so much I was worried I was going to snap my ankle.”

“Yeah, they didn’t tell us that weddings would be so exhausting.”

“I know.” Naeun groaned. “Was yours like this?”

“Something like that. I can’t remember how tired I was, I think I was too drunk.”

“Thank you for singing tonight. It was lovely and everyone enjoyed it.”

“My pleasure.” Doyoung smiled. “I’m just really happy for the both of you.”

Naeun jumped into his arms and hugged him. “Thank you so much,” she whispered in his ear. “Thank you for letting me into your life. Thank you for letting me love not just Jaehyun, but Jeno and you as well. Thank you for giving me a family.”

Doyoung wanted to cry. He had felt like crying several times during the wedding, and for multiple reasons. Crying because Jaehyun looked happy. Crying because Jaehyun was getting married again before he did. Crying because he was getting left behind. Crying because he had to let go.

This time he really did cry. He cried because he realized he was selfish. Jaehyun found happiness and forever in a beautiful, wonderful, kind, loving woman. If Jaehyun was ready to let him go so many years ago, he should be doing the same. Naeun held him close as he cried into her shoulder.

“Thank you for coming Doyoung.” Jaehyun took his hand. “I really appreciate it.”

“Hey, what made you think I wouldn’t?” Doyoung rolled his eyes as he carefully adjusted a sleeping Jeno in his arms. The ring boy was tuckered out completely after all that dancing and running around. “It was a fantastic wedding. Congratulations you two.”

“Do you need any help carrying him to your car?” Naeun offered.

“No don’t be ridiculous. It’s your wedding, just go and have fun.” Doyoung laughed. “Make sure you bring back a souvenir from Italy when you return.”

“Of course we will!” Jaehyun waved. “Safe drive Doyoung!”

Doyoung took one last look at the happy couple. Naeun was twirling around in her dress, right on the tip of her highest heels under the lights of the giant mirrorball above her. Jaehyun took her hand and pulled her in by the waist. He watched her shine, shine just for him.

With that, he turned his head and walked away.


	8. my tears ricochet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung overcomes a huge health scare, but the worst has yet to come

Doyoung was at his label headquarters’ basement carpark, slowly making his way up to the lobby for a meeting with the label’s president. He arrived the lobby with Taeyong in tow and the receptionist stood up to greet him. Doyoung had been with Dream Entertainment for more than 15 years now, and he had gone from just a plain artist to being the company’s headlining act. There isn’t a space in this building Doyoung hasn’t touched or created from his success. He was about to turn into the elevators when he stopped to stare at the wall next to it.

“What is this?” he asked Taeyong.

“Oh, that’s our new girl group Shining Light.” Taeyong pointed. “Don’t you remember? We attended their debut launch party last week.”

“I know that, but why are they here? In the company lobby.” Doyoung looked around. “This used to be my spot.”

“They want to make sure they get a good debut I suppose.”

“Hmm.” Doyoung huffed. “Ah well, when my album comes out this spot will be mine anyways.”

“Right.”

It’s just a wall. It shouldn’t even bother Doyoung that much, but he got onto the elevator and rode up with a desire to rip something off a wall.

**********************

“Jeno! I’m home!” Doyoung called when he finally arrived home, dumping his bag on the table and rolling up his sleeves. “Jeno?”

“Hi Appa,” a tall, lanky teenager carrying a basketball ran down the stairs and zipped past the kitchen. “Bye Appa.”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Doyoung stopped him. “Where the heck are you going?”

“I’m going to play basketball with Jaemin.”

“No you’re not. It’s almost dinner time.”

“Just save some for me.”

“You’re not going out to basketball now Jeno.”

“Why not?!” Jeno stomped his foot.

“Well why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Doyoung scolded him. “You know the rule of this household, you have to give me a heads up if you’re going anywhere.”

“Appa, I am 13-years-old okay? I don’t need you to breathe down my neck like this.”

“Excuse you but I am still your father and I was looking out for you.”

“Well you’re impossible, just let me go play ball please?”

“Keep this attitude up and you won’t be playing ball for a whole month, how about that?”

“Appa!” Jeno threw a tantrum.

“Go back upstairs and get changed for dinner.”

“You never let me do anything!!!” Jeno stormed back upstairs and slammed his bedroom door for effect. Doyoung had half a mind to punish the boy even more severely but his migraine was acting up again. Jeno was reaching puberty and honestly, he can’t remember if he was ever such an ass to his parents at his age. Maybe he was. He should probably call his mother and apologized immediately.

He picked up his phone and texted Jaehyun.

_bunnydy: Your godson is acting up again_

_peachyjae: Slammed the door on you?_

_bunnydy: He tried to leave when I told him he couldn’t. Who does he think he is?_

_peachyjae: Just calm down Doie. You know he’s going through a rebellious stage._

_bunnydy: If you think it’s so easy I’ll pawn him off to you for a day and we’ll see what happens._

_peachyjae: Sure, you’ll send him on a flight alone to Mexico? Yeah right._

_bunnydy: Shut up._

Jaehyun was currently in Mexico filming a new movie. His wife Naeun flew down to be with him as well. Jaehyun was always better at dealing with Jeno’s tantrums than he did. If Jeno threw a fit Doyoung couldn’t help but throw one along with him. Jaehyun was always the calm one who would let the kid go wild first and help calm him down after his fit is over.

Jeno sulked at him all night through dinner and locked himself in his room, refusing to come out until the next morning. Doyoung made him breakfast the next morning and packed his lunch, and the grumpy teenager just said thanks and walked out. Taeyong came to pick him up afterwards and he could tell by the way Doyoung slammed the car door that his morning was not going to be great.

“I guess good morning is out of the question.” Taeyong sighed.

“Why did I decide to have kids? Why didn’t you stop me?”

“You insisted!”

“Ugh teenagers.” Doyoung huffed.

“Parenthood is so enlightening.” Taeyong mumbled to himself as he drove away.

**********************

A couple of weeks later, and with Jeno’s temper tantrums not decreasing to any extent, Doyoung found himself in his label headquarters lobby again. He walked towards the elevator and saw that his picture was still not up the wall.

“Where’s my picture?”

“What picture?” Taeyong asked.

“My picture. It’s always up here. A week before my album release, my picture goes up on this wall. It has always been this way.”

“Well…” Taeyong made a face. “The girls have their debut album out a day before yours and the company really wants to…”

“Get Jerry on the line.”

“What?!” Jerry was the company CEO. “Why?”

“I want to speak with him.”

“Over a wall? Oh, come on Doyoung this…”

“Just call him.” Doyoung stomped inside the elevator. “In fact, tell him I want a meeting. Now.”

**********************

“Good afternoon.” Jerry was a young, bright, slightly overenthusiastic man who was recently promoted to CEO thanks to his dad being company chairman. Doyoung liked him. He was likeable, personable and he was always on Doyoung’s side, that was why he endorsed him as CEO in the first place, but unless he had a good explanation for why his picture wasn’t up on the wall, he could soon change his mind. “How are we all feeling today?”

“Why is my picture not displayed on the lobby wall?” Doyoung crossed his arms as Jerry walked into the meeting room. “Those girls have been up there for weeks. I want it taken down.”

“Oh now come on, your picture is up on the walls.” Jerry said. “It’s on the east wing where people walking past the building outside can easily see.”

“That’s facing the back! The one in the lobby faces the main road and everyone can see. That spot used to be mine.”

“Yes well, a lot has changed.” Jerry spoke carefully. “The company has to continue to be sustainable in terms of talent management and this is the company’s first girl group, so we have to make sure we make a splash.”

“I am this label’s top money maker and have been for years!”

“Your last album begs to differ.” Jerry pointed out. Doyoung’s 6th studio album Reputation did not perform as expected last year. While it did climb to number one, it wasn’t able to sustain its position or, for lack of better words, reputation and quickly climbed back down. The lead single peaked at only number 10 on the charts and buying power was slowly reducing. By any standards the album was still considered a success, but by Doyoung’s standard, the album was underwhelming at best.

“That was because you undermined my promotions!”

“Doyoung we asked you about the promotions and you turned down 90% of them.”

“You’re asking me to go on those weekly cable music shows. Are you fucking kidding me? I am the Nation’s Vocal Prince. I shouldn’t have to reduce myself to performing on some backend cable music show that looks like it was recorded in 144p. And those hours are insane. I would have to get up super early and miss sending Jeno to school.”

“Doyoung, those weekly music shows are an institution.” Jerry rubbed the temples on his forehead. “You know that. They are practically the foundation of all of the music promotions in this country. Not turning up automatically cuts them down by half, and your appearance fee is way too high for a lot of shows to afford.”

“Well maybe we should make some more of our own content!”

“Like what? You turned down every single one of the ideas we handed to you.”

“Well I’m open to changing my mind.”

“Good, I’ll send Taeyong some more content for you to look through.” Jerry said, “on one condition.”

“What?”

“Music Bank.” Jerry said. “Can you at least perform on Music Bank? The girls are making their debut there and I think it would be good if you could show up and be there for them.”

Doyoung sighed. Out of all the shows, Music Bank had the earliest schedule. He would have to get up at 4am for this. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

“Perfect.” Jerry grinned. “So we have a deal?”

“The wall Jerry,” Doyoung insisted. “The wall.”

“You already have a wall.”

“I want that wall.” Doyoung glared at him. “That wall has been mine for the past decade and I am not going to let anyone else have it. I don’t care if my fans have outgrowned me or if critics think my album has lost sensibility. I built this label and it’s new extension with my success. I want. That. Wall.”

Jerry sighed deeply. He turned to Taeyong who just shook his head apologetically. Jerry breathed in deeply and sighed. “You got it.” And with that, he walked away.

“Doyoung,” Taeyong turned to him. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting? It’s just a stupid mural on a wall for Pete’s sake.”

“This is more than just my wall, this is me staking my claim and reminding people I am still relevant.” Doyoung said. “I know my last album was not the raging success the others were. I am still a great artist and I still have more in me to deliver. I can still sell out stadiums and top charts. I am not some cheap trailblazer that is only here for a while and dead the next. I am The Nation’s Vocal Prince, and the Nation better show up for it.”

**********************

Doyoung flipped the TV channels for something to see. He couldn’t find anything interesting, so he settled on a music show. “Hmm, Music Bank.” He said as he opened a beer can. “It’s been a while.”

Doyoung hasn’t appeared on Music Bank for more than 6 years now. He used to keep his appearances fairly regular, but when Jeno started walking and talking, Doyoung knew he had to scale it back. He was missing out on his son’s first word, first walk, first preschool play date. He wanted to spend time with his son as much as possible, and for that he gave up his TV show appearances. Granted, he was lucky. His music was still popular enough for him to keep his title as one of the most influential artists in Korea. He toured once a year, but never for longer than 5 months and even when he did, he tried to bring Jeno with him wherever he went. He was dubbed “the dummy daddy” not because he was bad at childcare. On the contrary he was a fool for his son and would do anything.

Being a single father was not easy, but luckily Doyoung had Jaehyun and Naeun to help him. They raised Jeno as if he was their own. Naeun and Jaehyun were trying to have a child of their own, but it hasn’t worked yet. Doyoung wasn’t sure if they were just taking their time or they weren’t in a rush to have children, but in the meantime, they have Jeno to keep them company.

“They do that nowadays?” Doyoung made a face at the TV. It has been a while since he caught up with the hippy, trendy kind of music. “Why are they dressed like that? They look like clowns.”

Doyoung checked the clock on the wall and frowned. Jeno told him he was out watching a movie with Jaemin. What was taking him so long?

10.00pm

10.30pm

11.00pm

11.05pm

11.10pm

11.30pm

“There you are!!” Doyoung flew up from the couch when Jeno finally arrived home. “Where have you been?! It’s almost midnight?!”

“The movie ended late.” Jeno rolled his eyes. “Chill out okay?”

“Chill out?!” Doyoung seethed. “You told me you would be home by 10pm!”

“How was I supposed to know the movie would end so late?!” Jeno yelled defensively. “What are you going to blame me for ending it late?”

“Don’t you take that attitude with me young man,” Doyoung scolded and grabbed his coat. “You…” he sniffed it. “Hang on, what is this smell?”

“Nothing!!” Jeno snatched the coat back.

“Give it back to me.”

“No!”

“Jeno!”

“How about some privacy?! Leave me alone!” Doyoung pulled the coat out of his hand and took a deep sniff. “This is cigarette smoke. Have you been smoking?!”

“Have not!”

“You better not lie to me or I am seriously taking your phone and PC away.”

“I have not! The other guys were smoking and I just happened to be there!”

“Liar.”

“Fine, be that way!” Jeno stomped his foot. “You never believe anything I have to say! I hate you!” 

“That’s it, I’m taking away your phone.”

“Fine I don’t want it! You’re such a hypocrite! Did you forget that you smoke too?!”

“Are you looking to be punished even further? Because I can take away your PC.”

“No you can’t! Uncle Jaehyun bought that for me!”

“Do you want to try me?”

“FINE!” Jeno yelled as he stomped away. Doyoung had half a mind to yell back at him but he couldn’t find the energy to argue with him. Instead, he just slumped back on the couch like the disappointed parent he is. While it is true that there was no way they could prove Jeno actually smoked, the fact that Jeno felt the urge to hide about it hurt him, whether or not he actually did it.

And his son called him a hypocrite. Doyoung was trying his best to quit smoking, and he really stopped. He hasn’t smoked in a long time, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t have any other unhealthy ways to cope.

Doyoung walked into the kitchen and pulled open the left drawer. A pack of cigarettes were stored in there for ‘emergencies’. He really shouldn’t.

_Fuck it. Why is Jeno allowed to throw a tantrum but not me?_

Doyoung picked one out and went outside.

**********************

“Ah yes it certainly has been a while.” Taeyong sighed as he walked into the Music Bank dressing room with Doyoung behind him. “Doesn’t this bring back memories?”

“It does.” Doyoung smiled a little. He had to admit, it was pretty exciting to drive back into the old KBS building again. Walking the familiar steps, down the familiar hall and taking pictures at the iconic staircase.

“You sound excited to perform again.”

“I do miss it a lot.” Doyoung nodded. “Oh it’s okay,” he talked to his makeup artist. “No need to get started. I won’t be performing so soon.”

“Uhm… no you’re not.” Taeyong bit his lip. “You’re going in at 4pm.”

“What? Why?” Doyoung glared at Taeyong. “I thought I would be the last performer.”

“The last performer is traditionally the ones who are nominated for number one this week. You’re bumped up to third last.”

“Third last?!” Doyoung scoffed. “This is ridiculous, I am the most senior artist here, I should be performing last.”

“That was the setlist they gave us though.”

“Fine, whatever.” Doyoung huffed, sinking down in his chair as he pouted. “Let’s just get this over and done with.”

Despite being displeased with not being the show’s final act, Doyoung didn’t make any further fuss about it. He was just in the midst of getting his hair done when he heard a knock on the door. “Ahnyeonghaseyo sunbaenim!” four cheery girls came in with wide smiles on their faces.

“Ah yes, Shining Light.” He greeted them politely. “How are you all doing?”

“Really nervous.” One of the girls named Suki admitted. “It’s our first performance and everything is so new to us.”

“You can do it, think of it as adrenaline to push the performance forward.” Doyoung smiled. “What time do you girls get on?”

“In about half an hour.” Another girl named Yuna answered.

“Oh then you better get ready.” He said. “Would it be okay if I came to see you?”

“Yes sunbaenim!” the girls smiled widely. Doyoung followed them out of his dressing room and onto the side of the stage. The girls were rightfully nervous as they stretched their limbs and focused on doing lip trills. Doyoung could only sigh and smile. He used to be like that many years ago. When he first started performing, he wasn’t able to sleep the night before the performance.

As much as he hated to admit it, Shining Light were really good performers. Obviously they had practiced their routine at least a thousand times before their debut to get it absolutely perfect, but the girls were really stars in their own right. Doyoung cheered for them and clapped loudly once they got off stage. He was about to walk back with them to get ready for his own performance when he saw a male pointing his cellphone camera at them.

“Excuse me.” He tapped the stranger’s shoulder. “Are you authorized to be here?”

“Yeah sure, I’m a staff member.” The man held up his staff pass.

“Can I see your recording?”

“Uh it’s just…”

“You recorded them right? I just want to see how they look.”

“Uh sir you can’t…”

“Oh come on,” Doyoung snatched the phone away. “If it’s for official purposes, this is going to be released anyways. What harm is there?” he pressed play on the recording and it showed a recording of the girls from the back of the stage. Suki bent down to scratch her leg and the camera filmed her legs really closely, panning upwards. Doyoung stopped the video and glared at the staff member.

“Mr. Kim, I was just…”

“First, I’m taking this.” Doyoung pocketed the phone. “Secondly, I’m reporting you for illegal filming. Your sorry ass is going to be fired tomorrow, and if not, today.”

“Sir no sir please!!” the staff member tried to chase after him but Taeyong stopped him immediately. Doyoung walked over to Shining Light’s dressing room.

“Sunbaenim! How did we do? Were we okay?”

“You girls were great!” he smiled, turning to their manager. “I found this.” He said. “Some creep was filming them. I’ll talk to the Jerry about increased security for the girls.”

“Oh my god.” Shining Light’s manager bowed repeatedly. “Thank you sir.”

“No need to thank me.” Doyoung patted his back. He turned back to the girls and gave them two thumbs up. “Don’t give your numbers away to random guys. These people are not to be trusted.” He warned them as he walked out. He shook his head in disappointment. 15 years later, and some things really never change.

**********************

“I am so sorry I am late!” Doyoung rushed into the restaurant, barely missing a trip on the rug. “The interview ran overtime.”

“It’s alright.” Park Jinyoung, heir to the Park family fortune and CFO to Got7 Industries, grinned at him. “Better you be safe than sorry.”

“It’s really amazing to see you again.” Doyoung gushed. “We haven’t seen each other for months.”

“Ah yes, I was in Paris.” Jinyoung nodded, “Business is really picking up there. As a matter of fact, I bought you something.”

“Oh no you don’t have to… OH YES YOU HAVE TO.” Doyoung dropped his jaw at the exquisite platinum bracelet inside the velvet box. It had a simple diamond in one of the pendants and Doyoung was pretty sure something like this was not cheap. Not that he was dating Jinyoung for his money (the money was a very attractive point though) but just for this bracelet alone, Doyoung wouldn’t mind getting on his knees for a bit.

“Do you like it?” Jinyoung asked.

“I do.” Doyoung grinned, slipping the bracelet on. “It’s beautiful.”

“It suits you so well.” Jinyoung said, reaching to stroke Doyoung’s arm. “I missed you.”

“Me too.” Doyoung said. “I really needed this night out. Tomorrow my album comes out and I’m feeling a little nervous.”

“Isn’t this your 10th one?”

“It is.”

“What’s there to be nervous for?” Jinyoung cackled. “You will be fine as expected. You’re the Nation’s Vocal Prince.”

“That may be,” Doyoung sighed. “But my last album didn’t perform as I expected, and my label seems to have… kind of cast me aside for other opportunities.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Well who cares about them?” Jinyoung held his hand. “You’re a legend in your own right, and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. They wouldn’t understand what you have gone through in order to get to where you are.”

“I suppose.” Doyoung nodded. “Still can’t help but feel anxious.”

“I know what you need to calm those nerves down.” Jinyoung pulled out a bottle of wine. “Some Merlot perhaps?”

A bottle of wine and lots of food later, Doyoung found himself in Jinyoung’s car parked outside his house. He was grinding on Jinyoung’s lap, heat fogging up the windows as he tried to chase his high. Jeno was away for a sleepover at Jaemin’s house and no one else was home.

“We should take this inside.” Jinyoung said, gripping his slim waist. “I need a bed to fuck you properly.”

“Yes please.” Doyoung’s mind was hazed with lust and alcohol. They somehow stumbled inside the house, fumbling around the switches and doorknobs to look for the right room. It has been a very long time since Doyoung slept with anyone, and that night he devoured Jinyoung like the hungry monster he was. He was hesitant to date someone like him at first, because Jinyoung was so handsome and smart, but they had a lot in common and unlike the other trash men he dated before, he actually seemed interested to hear what Doyoung had to say and was in for more than just his ass. Doyoung closed his eyes as he reached his climax. He could envision a future with him.

“You look so sexy.” Jinyoung drawled when he came down the steps in the morning, dressed up and smiling at Doyoung.

“So do you.” Doyoung adjusted the sleeves of his oversized shirt and kissed him. “I had an amazing time last night.”

“Me too.” Jinyoung kissed him again. “It smells good.”

“Would you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?”

“I’d love to stay but I can’t. I have to go back to the office.”

“On a Sunday?” Doyoung pouted. “I thought we could have the day together or something.”

“Sorry babe, I can’t. I have a board meeting presentation tomorrow so duty calls today.” Jinyoung said. “I’ll call you.”

“Sure I guess.” Doyoung watched as Jinyoung waved goodbye and dashed off in his BMW. He huffed. This was the fifth man who blew him off after they had sex. Was Jinyoung actually going to call, or was he off to celebrate that he bagged the Nation’s Vocal Prince?

“Appa?” Jeno called as he walked to the front of the house.

“Jeno,” Doyoung blushed, suddenly very self-conscious of the fact that he was wearing nothing but a giant shirt and no underwear in front of his son. “What are you doing back here?”

“Jaemin has track practice so I came home early.” Jeno eyed him suspiciously. “Was that Mr. Park who left the neighbourhood?”

“Yes it was.”

“Ew.” Jeno scowled.

“What?”

“I don’t like him.”

“You haven’t even met him.”

“I don’t have to. I just don’t like him.”

“Jeno…”

“You’re not going to marry him are you?”

“No of course not, I mean that’s not… and what’s wrong with that? Why can’t I marry him?”

“I don’t like him!”

“That’s not up to you to decide, if I want to marry him I will do so myself.”

“Fine, then I’ll move in with Uncle Jaehyun.”

“Oh sure, see if you don’t come crawling back to my side.” Doyoung sneered. “Go to your room and wash up for breakfast. We’re not talking about this anymore.”

Jeno huffed and climbed up the stairs. Doyoung massaged his temples for the nth time that day. He waited for Jinyoung’s call but he didn’t. He waited another day. Another week. Then, Taeyong told him that Jinyoung was spotted with another man in the club doing the tongue tango. Doyoung could have killed him. The first nice, proper man he has met in years and he ghosted him after sex to move on to someone else. Jinyoung was never interested in him. He just wanted a notch on his best, and The Nation’s Vocal Prince was a huge fucking notch in it. He could have thrown a tantrum, ripped out the bracelet he gave him and tossed it into the lake, but he didn’t.

Instead he got drunk at home while Jeno was asleep, tears ricochet down his cheeks as he fell asleep on the couch alone. Like the sad, pathetic man he is.

**********************

“And that has been the first month results of Kim Doyoung’s 10th Album, Arbitrate.” An executive named Lee finished his presentation to his boss Jerry, Doyoung and Taeyong. Jerry’s arms were folded as he sighed deeply. Doyoung wasn’t looking so thrilled either. Despite his renewed music show appearances, Arbitrate did not perform any better. As a matter of fact, there was a slight dip in it’s ratings and sales numbers compared to Reputation.

“Well.” Jerry sighed. “On a brighter note, we are doing much better in comparison to other names from bigger labels. I don’t think it’s the end of the world.”

“So those music show appearances didn’t help.” Doyoung snorted. “Fuck. If I had known I would have just stayed home.”

“For all we know those appearances were what saved us. Your album could have tanked even further without it.”

“You’re the CEO, shouldn’t you have planned this a little better?” Doyoung snapped at him. “Why did you make me release the album when I wasn’t ready? I told you Arbitrate was not complete.”

“We had to or we would not have enough material for a new summer tour, and the tour is where we make the most money from.” Jerry sighed. “It’s fine. Let’s just forget about it and move on.”

“I don’t understand.” Doyoung told Taeyong after the meeting. “I worked so hard on that album, why didn’t it perform any better?”

“Times are changing.” Taeyong said. “I mean popularity is like a wave. It has its highs and its lows. Maybe we are coming to a plateau where things are cooling off.”

“This isn’t fair. You know what’s going to happen once I can’t pull off the numbers I used to. I’ll be casted off to the side and treated like some secondary artist who doesn’t deserve to be there.”

“Doyoung…”

“I am The Nation’s Vocal Prince, and the Nation should have fucking stepped up for it! Now look at it! The album is a failure!” Doyoung snapped. He sank down in his seat as he buried his head in his hands. “Maybe I’m a failure too.”

“No Doyoung, you’re not.”

“I should have known this was coming.” Doyoung sighed. “I can’t talk to Jeno without arguing with him, Jinyoung dumped me after having sex with me and now my career is over too. Why not just slit my throat at night and call it a day?”

“Stop it Doyoung, you are not a failure.” Taeyong said. “Your album still did really well! Trust me in this economy to pull off the numbers you did is a feat, just because it isn’t a record breaking one doesn’t mean it was a failure. This is the culmination of all of your hard work and efforts, and no matter what this is still a piece of you. You made this and you created it. It’s art.”

It was easy for Taeyong to say that. Fame is like a rollercoaster. The ride to the top is exhausting but the view at the top is so beautiful, you wish you could stay on it forever. But you know you can’t, so you begin to tip over. It’s only when you begin to look down do you realize the distance you have to fall, and you wonder if that distance will break your bones and end your life. Doyoung is tipping over. He sees the fall and he can almost see the crash, and he’s doing everything he can to stay at the top.

That night, Doyoung stayed by himself in the recording studio in an attempt to write some more music. Every lyric or chord he wrote, he threw it out because it wasn’t pop enough, or it wasn’t fun enough or it wasn’t cool enough. _Why do you even bother? No one is going to listen to it anyways, you are a has been Kim Doyoung. Your reign is over._

Doyoung tried to numb those emotions with alcohol. Then he tried writing again. Then he gave up and tossed it out, and the cycle repeats. It was almost midnight and he was an exhausted mess. Jeno was away at Jaemin’s place again for the night so he wasn’t home to cause anymore aggravation. He could just go home and rest. He probably should.

Doyoung dragged himself out of the studio and finally left the building. It was one of those rare nights where Taeyong was not with him and he had no bodyguards. When he started, he couldn’t even leave his house without one, but after some time and a lot of nagging, he finally managed to negotiate less strict rules of conduct. He was secretly thankful he didn’t have any bodyguards with him now, he wasn’t in the mood to entertain humans.

He checked his phone and saw that Jaehyun was online so he decided to call him. Just to check on him. He was away in Mexico, far from home. He must be lonely.

“Hey Jaehyun.”

“Hey Doyoung, what’s up?”

“I just left my recording studio. Jeno is staying at Jaemin’s for the night.” Doyoung said. “I’m beginning to think he prefers spending time with his friends than being with me.”

“Oh come on Doie, you know that’s not true, he’s just going through a rebellious phase, he doesn’t mean the things he say.” Jaehyun said. “I mean we have all said some pretty crushing stuff to our own parents.”

“I don’t think I ever have.”

“Okay fine, maybe just me then.”

“Meanwhile, my last album tanked.”

“What are you talking about? It was fine. I really enjoyed it. Naeun and I played it a lot in our hotel room.”

“Yeah but it’s not the same as my previous albums. This did the worst in comparison.”

“Yes but that’s only because you are comparing against yourself. You are still far ahead of others in the game.”

Doyoung looked up at the towering billboard outside his office. It used to be his face. Now it was 4 girls instead. “If only you knew. What am I talking about? Of course you don’t. As long as you can talk you’ll have a job. But once I stop creating pop music they are just going to toss me aside.”

He could hear Jaehyun sigh over the phone. “Are you alone?”

“Yeah, just walking.”

“You should go home and rest, you have had a long day.”

“When are you coming back?” Doyoung asked him. “You must be missing home, even though Naeun is with you.”

“Actually we’re having a great time. We’re thinking of seeing the rest of South America before we go back.” Jaehyun said. “Once we start IVF it won’t be long until Naeun could get pregnant and then we’ll have to put our travel plans to an end.”

“Wait, you’re starting IVF?”

“Yeah. The doctor is fairly confident that Naeun could get pregnant. He said that she was in great shape. It’s exciting. We’ve been talking about baby names and where to put the nursery, it’s going to be fun.”

“Yeah.” Doyoung swallowed thickly. “I am so happy for you guys.”

“Thank you Doyoung. I have to go, talk more when I get home?”

“Sure.” Doyoung hung up and stopped in his tracks. _They are going to have a baby. They are actually starting a family._

_And what am I doing?_

_How is my family doing?_

_Where is my family?_

Doyoung walked into the nearest convenience store and bought all the alcohol he could possibly consume. Kun was going to kill him for this because it had been so long since he was sober. He couldn’t go back to his dark days when he first started touring.

_No. I can’t do this._

Flashbacks to is drunk days on the back of the bus. How he broke bottles and slept with one by his side. How he yelled at everyone who came near him when he was drunk. How sick he felt when he woke up. _No. I hate those days. I can’t do that anymore._

Doyoung dropped the cans he bought on the floor. He can’t. He’s better than this. He swore he would never go back to those days. _Think of Jeno, do it for Jeno, do it for Jeno._

Doyoung watched the cans roll around the pavement but he didn’t pick them up. He felt his resolve hardening as he mumbled “Jeno, Jeno, Jeno” His son. The love of his life. His angel. His everything.

_I won’t. I’m going home._

Doyoung picked up the cans and dumped them into a trashcan. He felt a newfound sense of pride. _I did it, I pushed my demons away. I didn’t crumble to it._

_I am strong. I am powerful._

_I can do this._

One of the cans rolled out onto the road. Doyoung trotted over to pick it up. He turned his head and saw a white light. And then, a car smashed into him.

The can rolled over from his hand as he fell onto the floor.

**********************

“Out of the way!!!” Jaehyun pushed past the other people in the hospital, racing as fast as he can with Naeun behind him. When Johnny told him, he immediately booked the next flight out of Mexico and to South Korea. All throughout the flight he had his hands clasped in a prayer, praying, begging and wishing to all the Gods that Kim Doyoung would be safe.

Doyoung was wheeled to the hospital at 3.25am in the morning and immediately taken for surgery. By 4.00am, Taeyong arrived the hospital with Jeno in tow. The doctor told them that he was in critical condition and they needed time to work on him. Taeyong called Johnny, who immediately told Jaehyun about the news. From Mexico to South Korea would take at least 16 hours and everyone was hoping Doyoung would be out by then. He was, but after 7 hours he was wheeled back into the surgery ward as it was reported his lungs were collapsing.

“Uncle Jaehyun!!” Jeno ran to his godfather and into his arms. The poor boy had been sobbing for the past few hours, his eyes red and puffy with tears and his voice sounded so hoarse. Taeyong and Ten have been pacing the floors for the past few hours, each looking haggard and exhausted in their own way.

“What happened?” Jaehyun asked. “Why isn’t he out yet?”

“His lungs collapsed.” Ten choked, stifling a cry. “They have been in there for two hours.”

“Oh god.” Jaehyun pulled Jeno closer. “How could this happen?”

“Please save him Uncle Jaehyun,” Jeno begged. “I promise I’ll be a good boy. I’ll do my homework and I’ll come back on time. I won’t fight with Appa again I promise. Please save him please.”

“The doctors are doing all they can.” Jaehyun hushed, rubbing his back. “He’ll be okay, your appa is strong. They will save him.”

“Uncle Jaehyun…” Jeno cried even harder.

“I won’t let anything happen to you or him.” Jaehyun said, wiping a tear from his eye. “I swear on my life.”

**********************

**_The Sun: Kim Doyoung Revealed to be in Intensive Care_ **

**_Daily Chat: The Driver Who Crashed into Kim Doyoung Was Apparently Drunk_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: #StayStrongKimDoyoung. Kim Doyoung’s Latest Album Arbitrate Soars To the Top of the Charts After Singer’s Accident_ **

**********************

“Here,” Taeyong and Johnny arrived the hospital with bags full of food. “We got something for dinner.”

“Thank you.” Jaehyun yawned, surviving on his second cup of coffee. “I’m starving.”

The three of them sat down on a mat that Naeun had laid out on the floor in Doyoung’s single ward. Thankfully his surgery was a success, but now Doyoung was in a coma and they are unsure when he would wake up. Naeun had taken Jeno home to pack some of his belongings to stay over while Jaehyun stayed behind with Taeyong, Ten and Johnny to be on standby. He hasn’t fully gotten over his jetlag and he still felt like his head was about to explode, but he has to stay strong, or at least awake.

“What do we do now?” Jaehyun asked the two managers.

“Aside from wait, I don’t think there is anything we can do.” Taeyong said. “I’ve cancelled all his upcoming shows and any meetings he has.”

“Cancel mine too Johnny.” Jaehyun said. “Tell them I can’t go back to Mexico. I have to be here to take care of Jeno.”

“But…” Johnny mumbled. “You have one more scene to shoot.”

“Either they write me off or I’ll shoot it again later. I’m not going.”

“Oh…okay.” Johnny made a face. “I’ll do my best.”

“This is so weird.” Taeyong sighed. “We’re in a room with Doyoung and he isn’t talking.”

“I know.” Jaehyun smiled a little. “We used to wish he would do that, now it’s spooky.”

They finished dinner with some left behind for Naeun and Jeno. The two managers headed home to get some rest as they left Jaehyun behind. Jaehyun plopped himself next to Doyoung, staring at him with the tube in his mouth as he prayed.

_Please be okay._

_Please be okay._

_Please be okay._

He stayed there until Naeun called him. “You should rest.” She said. “It has been a long day.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun grunted. “You go to sleep first. I’ll wash up.”

When he came back, Naeun and Jeno were already cuddled up on the sofa, dead asleep after a crazy 36 hours. Jaehyun put a blanket on top of them as he contemplated joining them on the couch. Finally, he decided to return to his spot on the chair closest to Doyoung. He rested his head on the bed and closed his eyes. He moved his fingers to brush against Doyoung’s, hoping that maybe while he was asleep, the fingers would move.

**********************

After four days of being in coma, Jaehyun, Naeun, Taeyong and Johnny had to come up with arrangements in case anything were to happen. Doyoung left a will and while he didn’t say anything about funeral plans, perhaps it was time to start thinking about it. Jaehyun refused to partake in the conversation. “He will wake up.” He insisted. “I know him. He’s a stubborn son of a bitch. He will fight this and he will wake up.”

By Day 8, the days had begun to melt together. Jeno, Naeun and Jaehyun no longer stayed over in the hospital overnight and Jeno had returned to school. Naeun and Jaehyun took turns to take care of him and stay in the hospital in case Doyoung wakes up. Every day Jaehyun would open the ward door and stand there for a few seconds, as if Doyoung would wake up if he heard the door open.

Day 15 came and even the doctors weren’t sure what to do anymore. Jaehyun refused to go anywhere. Doyoung was going to wake up. Park Jinyoung came to visit him and cried crocodile tears. Jeno sulked and told Jaehyun who he was. Jaehyun then told Jinyoung to fuck off.

Day 17. Naeun tried to talk to Jaehyun about afterlife arrangement but Jaehyun pretended he didn’t hear anything.

Day 20. Jaehyun made his daily visit to Doyoung’s ward in the afternoon. He came with a fruit basket, not for Doyoung but rather for the staff who were looking after him. He sat down next to Doyoung and looked at him.

“Hey Doyoung,” Jaehyun started. “It’s Day 20. How are you doing?”

Jaehyun waited, like he was expecting a reply. Of course nothing came.

“Jeno has been a really good boy. Last night he helped Naeun clean the kitchen and he even mowed the backyard with me on Sunday. He’s really making an effort. You would be proud of him.”

“You won your first music show for Arbitrate yesterday! Congratulations! It was on Music Core and Taeyong put the trophy in your office back at the studio. Granted I don’t think you would notice it because it’s swallowed up by all the other trophies, but you should be proud of yourself. You did it!”

“I haven’t gone back to Mexico. They decided to write me off near the end and film some other smaller parts here in Korea. I don’t think it would affect the movie too badly, but I guess we will never know until it’s actually done.”

“Naeun went for her first IVF checkup and she said it went well. She has another appointment coming up soon. I feel bad though, I haven’t been able to focus on her. All I can think about is you.”

Jaehyun took Doyoung’s hand in his. “Are you in pain? Are you at peace? Can you hear me?”

There was no response and Jaehyun sighed. “Yeah I figured. I knew you wouldn’t be able to response, but I would love it if you could. Even just a finger move?”

There was no response again. “We miss you. We really do. Your son needs you. Taeyong needs you. I need you.”

“I’m really sorry I haven’t been there for you. I know you were having tough times before this and I should have been more sympathetic. We have been through so much together. You were my world, my husband, my everything and even if we are no longer together, that doesn’t mean I don’t need you or care for you. I…” Jaehyun wiped a tear from his eyes. “I love you Doyoung. Please don’t leave me.”

There was no further movement. Jaehyun waited a little bit longer until Jeno and Naeun arrived. They each took their turns to hold Doyoung’s hand and wait for him to wake up. He doesn’t.

An hour later, while the three of them went out for lunch, the doctor called Jaehyun and he sounded frantic on the phone. “He’s up!!! Kim Doyoung is up!!!”

“APPA!!!!!!” Jeno almost burst through the door as he rushed into the ward. Doyoung was sitting upright, eyes halfway open and smiling weakly. “Jeno…”

“Appa I am so sorry for everything I did.” Jeno sniffled, holding onto his hands as tears started streaming down his cheeks. “I’ll be a good boy. I won’t fight with you ever again.”

“It’s okay Jeno-yah.” Doyoung smiled. “I’m okay now.”

“Oh thank god.” Naeun breathed. “Praise the lord.”

“Where is he?!?!” Taeyong and Ten practically pushed everyone else over including poor Jeno as they rushed to him. “Oh my gosh are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but now my head hurts thanks to you two screaming at me.” Doyoung winced. Jaehyun chuckled. _Yep, he’s going to be just fine._

“Oh my god thank god you are alive.” Ten kissed his forehead. “I was beginning to think I would have to find a replacement for my best man at my wedding.”

“What are you talking about?” Taeyong scoffed lightly. “You’re not engaged.”

No one made a sound as they turned to Ten. Ten blushed and lifted his finger, where a beautiful silver ring was adorned.

“You did not!!!” Doyoung gasped. “You got engaged while I was in a COMA?!?!”

“I mean…” Ten hid his face. “Kun asked me last night so I just said yes.”

“This is outrageous!”

“Doyoung please,” Jaehyun held him back. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“Where’s my so-called therapist? How dare he ask my best friend to marry him without my approval? Tell him to get in here and do it all over again.” Doyoung insisted.

“You can’t be serious.” Taeyong stared at him in shock.

“Hey, if I made Johnny clean my car and do 100 pushups before he could marry you, I’m making Kun suffer the same way.”

“I can see the crash did not knock your memory out.” Johnny sighed deeply. Ten called Kun into the ward, who was absolutely befuddled that a man who had just risen out from a coma was calling him.

“Kun, propose to Ten again.” Doyoung smiled. “I want to see my best friend’s smile when he says yes.”

Kun naturally got on one knee and took Ten’s hand in his. Taeyong was squealing and clapping while Naeun took photos. “Ten, you are the love of my life. Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” Ten nodded.

“Now everyone celebrate, but do it quietly.” Doyoung said. “We don’t need to shake the whole hospital with our business.” Everyone in the ward laughed warmly. After almost 30 days of unrest, there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

**********************

**_The Sun: Breaking: Kim Doyoung Has Left Intensive Care Unit_ **

**_Daily Chat: Dream Entertainment Releases Update on Kim Doyoung’s Status ‘He is Alive and Doing Well’._ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: Kim Doyoung’s Upcoming Tour is Officially Cancelled as Singer Focuses on Recovery_ **

**********************

“I did the laundry Appa.” Jeno said, handing his father a cup of warm tea. It has been almost 3 weeks since Doyoung left the hospital. For the first two weeks, Jaehyun and Naeun moved in with him to help take care of both Doyoung and Jeno. Doyoung insisted that he could have hired someone else but the couple just shrugged and said “Sorry, we kind of moved in already.”

Now that Doyoung was able to move and walk freely without the need for crutches, he was able to go back to the studio and start writing again. His tour was cancelled and while the losses from the cancellation was innumerable, his album apparently soared to the top of the charts while he was in a coma. Funny, it was only when he was about to die did he get a second wave of appreciation. No wonder they said death was the biggest publicity stunt possible.

Doyoung’s goal for the next few months was to focus on recovery and family. This near-death experience taught him that life really was short, and it wasn’t worth obsessing over fame and fortune for it. It gave him the time and the opportunity to rewire his brain and reorganize his priorities. His label mentioned that when he recovered, he could always pick up the tour again, but Doyoung didn’t really want to. This whole mess started because he was obsessed with staying on top of that rollercoaster. Now that he crash landed and almost died, he didn’t want to climb back up again. He was happy to be where he was, feet on the ground.

“Thank you son.” Doyoung patted his cheek. “You have done so well, I’m really proud of you. Your godparents say you have been a wonderful boy to them all this time.”

“Can I have 25 bucks then?”

“Why?”

“Jaemin asked if I can go to the arcade with him. Can I?”

Doyoung started laughing but he reached for his wallet and handed him the money. “Don’t be home late okay?”

“I won’t.” Jeno smiled. “I promise.” He ran off to call Jaemin and Doyoung shook his head as he sighed. Kids never change, and perhaps it’s for the better.

“How are you feeling?” Jaehyun asked when he and Taeyong arrived his house later that day with lunch. “You look much better.”

“I am looking too good. I weighed myself this morning and I gained a pound. A pound! If this keeps up I am going to be huge!”

“It’s just a pound.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “You’ve got bigger things to worry about than that.”

“Speaking of which,” Taeyong grinned. “I have a very interesting proposition for you.”

“Really?”

“Well, while you were in the hospital, I actually… and don’t get mad,” Taeyong raised his hand in front of him. “I actually sent some of your songs to Shining Light’s producing team.”

“You WHAT?!?!” Doyoung shot up to attention and he stared at Taeyong.

“Wait! Let me explain!” Taeyong said. “We were all thinking you weren’t going to make it so I thought well if we couldn’t use your music, maybe we could sell it to someone who does and guess what? We actually got a response. The label liked Suki’s demo of it so much, they want you to write a couple more songs for them.”

“Wow, you could be a songwriter, or a producer.” Jaehyun made a face. “Think about it, maybe this is the next phase of your career. You’re moving on from writing your own songs to writing for others.”

“It’s less strenuous than touring but it’s still a good music career. The royalties are vey generous too.” Taeyong said. “What do you think?”

“I like the girls.” Doyoung smiled. “I’ll think about it.”

The three of them had a lovely lunch and Jaehyun left early to head back to his agency’s headquarters. He was so glad Doyoung was recovering well and opening up to new possibilities in his career. They were worried that Doyoung would give up on music after the accident, but it seemed like he was now more acceptive of change and realizing that his time isn’t over, it’s just simply moved on to a different stage.

Jaehyun’s phone rang in his pocket and he picked it up. “Hello?”

“Mr Jeong, this is Doctor Shim.”

“Oh yes doctor.”

“Is your wife with you now?”

“No, she went to visit her parents for the weekend.” Jaehyun answered. “Is something wrong?”

“Sir, your wife missed her appointment.”

“Ah yes she told me she would, but she really wanted some time off. She told me she was getting sick of all the needles, so I told her to reschedule.”

“Mr. Jeong, her appointment isn’t something that can be rescheduled so lightly.”

“Why? It’s not something that’s serious. It’s just IVF.”

A pause came over the phone. Jaehyun heard the doctor inhale sharply. “Sir, you don’t know what happened to your wife, do you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Mr Jeong,” the doctor said. “Your wife has cancer.”


	9. august

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naeun is on the last leg of her life, and she needs just one more favour

**_The Sun: Best-Selling Author Lee Naeun Reveals Her Cancer Diagnosis_ **

**_Daily News: Jeong Jaehyun on His Wife’s Diagnosis ‘It’s a Battle We Are Fighting Together’._ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: Jeong Jaehyun to Take a Step Back from the Screen and Focus on Wife’s Battle with Cancer_ **

********************

August has always been Naeun’s favourite month.

She met Jaehyun in August, and their anniversary was in August. August was the last of summer and usually the hottest month of the year, but it was also the last of the heat before it cools down in September. People were getting ready for autumn but also enjoying and making the most of the sun before it goes away again. There was something so lovely about this time of year that she just loved.

“Would you like me to put your bed down?” A young nurse asked her. Naeun smiled back at her and shook her head. “No thank you darling. I’d like to just sit up a little longer.”

“Are you waiting for your husband to come?”

“Yes. He said he would be here soon.”

And of course he was. Jaehyun showed up a few minutes later, carrying a bouquet of flowers and a basket of food. “Hey darling.” He grinned, kissing her cheek. “I bought some stuff for you.”

“You always bring too much.” Naeun rolled her eyes fondly. “I’ve been handing food out to all the other patients on the same floor. They think I’m Santa Claus or something.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? It makes you the most popular patient in the hospital.” He grinned.

“I don’t want to be that popular,” she tsked. “Mrs Meyi from the opposite ward keeps looking in her like she’s trying to steal my stash.”

“Should I get a security guard to safeguard the food?” Jaehyun joked. “Or a safe if you prefer?”

“Get those with biometrics on them.” She grinned. “Better be safe than sorry.”

“You should be lying down.” Jaehyun said.

“I don’t want to lie down, I’ve been lying down all day.”

“How about a walk then?”

“Sounds like fun.”

Jaehyun helped Naeun off the bed and into her wheelchair. The last 3 years have just been a constant battle. Naeun has undergone several rounds of chemotherapy and radition, but they don’t cure her, they only prolong her life. The doctor told Jaehyun that there was only so much they could do and she was a literal ticking time bomb. She could no longer walk very far, which was why she was given a wheelchair, and eating only liquids or soft food. That was why she kept giving food away. Her hair had long gone and Doyoung recently gave her a really cool beanie to wear. Naeun loved it so much, she said it made her the sexiest woman in the hospital.

When Jaehyun found out about Naeun’s diagnosis, he immediately announced his hiatus from screen to focus on her. He wrapped his last film, which was a box office success, and put everything down immediately. He didn’t join the press tour, or the awards shows, he went home and focused on spending time with her. They knew Naeun didn’t have long to go back then, so they started doing things together, everything that she wanted to do before she passed. They travelled Europe, saw a play on Broadway, went to every single Disneyland on earth and adopted two cats named Louis and Leon.

“How was Jeno’s track meet yesterday?” she asked Jaehyun as he rolled her around the hospital garden.

“It was amazing. He was so fast!” Jaehyun gushed. “He took first place in the 100 m and third in the 300m dash.”

“That is so cool!” Naeun grinned. “You know, he could be an athlete if he wanted.”

“That’s what I told him, but Jeno was more interested in playing video games.” Jaheyun rolled his eyes subtly. “Doyoung complains about him staying up all night to game, and then he blames me because I bought the PC set for him.”

“He’s a teenager, what are you all expecting?” she chuckled. “It’d be weirder if he wasn’t like this. We would have to check and see if he was doing drugs or something.”

“Nah he won’t. He’s a good kid.”

“That’s what you think.”

“Why? What do you know?” Jaehyun’s eyes widened.

“Nothing. Pretend I said nothing.”

“Naeun.”

“Roll me Jaehyun, I want to see the ducks in the lake.” Naeun grinned. Jaehyun just shrugged and went along with it.

**********************

“Auntie Naeun!” Jeno bowed when he saw her, bringing his athletic medals around his neck. Jeno and Doyoung have been making weekly trips to see her ever since she was admitted and the young boy was more than eager to show off his medals to his godmother.

“There you are! My little Usain Bolt,” she giggled. “Okay, maybe not so little anymore. What are you, 5’12?”

“I’m 6 feet.”

“He wishes.” Doyoung winked at Naeun and she laughed.

“Maybe 6 feet with thicker soles?” she shrugged.

“Appa is just self-conscious, because the last time I measured myself against him, I was taller.”

“The floor wasn’t level.” Doyoung huffed. “I’m still taller than you.”

“No you’re not!”

“Oh stop it, arguing about height is such a middle school thing.” Naeun sighed. “Give your father a break, he’s already an old man with barely anything to live for. Let him have his height.”

“Excuse me?” Doyoung raised an eyebrow.

“Let him have this one.” Naeun winked at Jeno and the younger boy winked back. Doyoung glared at the two of them who just ignored him and started chatting amongst each other. Knowing that he was a lost cause, Doyoung left to get some more stuff from the car while Naeun fiddled with Jeno’s medal on his neck.

“I bet you must be the most popular boy in school now.” She grinned. “Any one of those cheerleaders slip their number in your locker?”

“Well, I do have a few.” Jeno blushed. “But we’re just friends.”

“Girls are not your type? How about boys? You share a locker room with those big, jockish type of guys. Any one of them with a pretty dick?”

“Auntie!” Jeno blushed even harder. “Well… maybe some of them.”

“I knew it.” She grinned. “Have you told your father?”

“No,” Jeno sighed. “I’m afraid he wouldn’t accept it.”

“You’re afraid your father won’t accept the fact that you like boys?” Naeun raised an eyebrow. “Honey, you do know that your father married a man right?”

“Not that,” Jeno laughed. “I’m just… I’m not quite sure what I like. I like them both. Is that possible?”

“Of course it is!”

“Sometimes I like guys more, but other days I like girls more. Is that okay?”

“Of course it is! Anything you like, anything you want.” She shrugged. “Attraction is fluid and individual. There is no set rule for it.”

“I guess, but I don’t want to tell my dad that I… well…” Jeno blushed and Naeun smiled cheekily.

“Oh? Something spicy?”

“Don’t tell dad but I…”

“Hey guys,” Doyoung returned. “Did I miss anything?”

“Jeno was just telling me about how hard his English homework is.” Naeun grinned. “Right?”

“Right,” Jeno groaned. “It’s so hard Appa. I hate it.”

“Can you talk to your godson and make him work harder on his English homework?” Doyoung sighed. “Instead of staying up all night to play games.”

“You heard your father.” She shrugged and the teenager huffed. Doyoung sat on the chair next to her and gave her a high five.

“Did he tell you about the time I saw him jerking off to porn for the first time?” Doyoung whispered. “In my bedroom. On my bed. With the porn playing on my TV.”

“No,” she made a face. “Well, not yet at least.”

“He thought I was away at a meeting.” Doyoung shook his head. “He didn’t even hear me coming in.”

“Tsk tsk.” Naeun sighed. “This is why we install locks on bedroom doors. They aren’t just there for decoration.”

“Then, I saw a line item on my credit card that said subscription to Onlyfans.”

“Oh no,” Naeun sipped her tea. “He should try PeachCounter. They have better quality porn.”

Doyoung stared at her and nearly choked on his sandwich.

“What?” Naeun shrugged. “This hospital is boring okay?”

**********************

A couple of weeks later, Jaehyun returned to the hospital and this time, instead of going straight to Naeun’s ward, he walked off to the doctor’s office instead. Her doctor requested him to come in before he saw her and he already knew from the tone the doctor used that this was not supposed to be good news.

“She only has a couple more weeks left.” Her doctor said. “She is incredibly weak and can hardly sit up anymore. There is nothing more we can do for her.”

“I understand.” Jaehyun sighed. He had all year to get ready for her departure, but still no one likes to hear that their loved one is passing away. “Thank you for everything you have done.”

Jaehyun walked back to her ward with a heavy heart. Naeun was lying on the bed propped up, still wearing a smile when she saw him and extended a hand towards him. He couldn’t face his wife like this, not like a weak, quivering mess. He sighed deeply and walked towards her.

“Why do you look like that?” she asked him. “You look worse than I do, and I don’t have hair.”

“The doctor told me.” Jaehyun took her hand. “He said you don’t have long.”

“Ah well, are we surprised?” she scoffed. “I mean, look at me, I don’t look like someone who’s in the perfect fit of health, do I?”

“Naeun.”

“What? I’m just stating the obvious.” She shrugged. “Perhaps it’s time to discuss arrangements.”

“I thought we already went through them.”

“Ah yes, those are funeral arrangements. I’m talking about you.” She said. “What are you going to do after I pass on?”

“Oh,” Jaehyun paused. “Well, to be honest I haven’t thought about it.”

“Are you going to go back to acting?”

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun made a face. “To go back to all those insane hours, pressure chambers called sets and rubbing noses with producers and directors? I’m not sure I want to.”

“But don’t you miss it? Don’t you miss the work and the craft and the excitement?”

“I do, a little, but it’s not worth it if I have to skip out being with you.”

“You’re talking about now but I’m talking about next month when I leave.”

“Well still…” Jaehyun bit his lip. “I don’t know yet.”

“But you do have a plan?” Naeun raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to sit around and mope all day and carry my ashes in an urn to sleep will you?”

“How did you know?”

“Sometimes I wonder why you chose acting as a profession. You are so god damn transparent.” She rolled her eyes. “You have got to get back out there. You’re still young with so much potential in you. The industry has tanked ever since you announced your hiatus. I just saw that new flick Lee Minho put out when it played on TV and it nearly bored me to tears. You were always the better actor.”

“Thanks I guess.” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Are you really done with acting?”

“Well, I don’t know.” Jaehyun sighed. “I… I kind of want to do something else. I have always been working for other people and telling their stories. Now, I want to tell my own. I want to direct, I want to write, I want to be in control of the story and the narrative I want to tell.”

“That sounds amazing, you should do it!”

“What if I can’t? What if I fail halfway?”

“Remember how I told you that you couldn’t become a pro bowler in 3 weeks?”

“Yeah?”

“And then remember how you sneered at me and built a bowling alley in our basement and practiced everyday until you scored 10 strikes in a day?”

“Yeah.”

“Use that petty energy. Pretend I’m the one telling you that you can’t direct your own movie, so now go out there and do it.” She said. “You couldn’t even stand losing in chess to me, shouldn’t you try to prove me wrong this last time?”

“I see what you’re doing.” Jaehyun smiled. “I’ll think about it.”

“And one more thing,” she said. “I’m leaving my last book with you. No one knows I wrote it, not even my publishers, but I’m leaving it with you to help me get it out there when I pass on. Don’t let those suckers change my words or any part of the story. It must be intact as it is.”

“Got it.”

“If anything happens, I am coming back to haunt you.” She said. “I’ll be shaking the chains at you and calling your name every three seconds.”

“I don’t believe in ghosts.”

“That’s because you haven’t met me.”

“Fine, fine.” He laughed. “I’ll keep the words intact.”

“And now, we come back to you.” She pointed a finger at his chest. “I want you to date after I leave.”

“No way.”

“I mean not immediately,” she rolled her eyes. “At least pretend like you’re still in mourning. Go around and cry and wear black for a little bit but if you do that for longer than 6 months people are going to think you are nuts.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“No, you can’t be serious if you think you are going to be single forever after me.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Jaehyun folded his arms and turned away.

“You probably don’t but we have to or else I’m not going to go in peace and then I will really haunt you.” She narrowed her eyes. Jaehyun turned to face her and slowly unfolded his arms.

“You’re my wife Naeun, how could I even envisage dating someone else after you? It’s impossible.”

“Why not? The world is full of second chances.”

“Yeah and you were mine and I took it.”

“What about Doyoung?”

“What about him?”

“You two should be together.”

“Are you insane?!”

“You guys are practically raising a child together.”

“He’s my ex, I don’t have feelings for him.”

Naeun glared at him. “Mama said you shouldn’t lie to dead. I’m not dead yet and here you lying to me.”

“What?” Jaehyun stuttered. “I did no such thing.”

“3 years ago, when Doyoung was in a coma.” Naeun said. “You held his hand and told him you loved him.”

Jaehyun was so stunned his mouth hung open. His eyes quivered and so did his hands. Naeun placed hers on top of his cold ones, her skinny fingers pale in comparison to his. “I heard you that day.”

“N…Naeun…”

“I’m not shocked or angry you know,” Naeun said. “I’ve known this all my life, even from the day I married you. Taeyong and Johnny both told me that you and Doyoung could never be kept apart, so I didn’t try.”

“I’m so sorry.” Jaehyun broke into tears. He fell onto his knees by her bed while he held onto her hand. Naeun wiped the tears from her own cheeks as she patted his hand.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I tried.” Jaehyun confessed. “I really tried.”

“You can’t force love.” Naeun said. “It’s like trying to sleep when you have insomnia. It doesn’t always work.”

“I’m sorry Naeun.” Jaehyun said. “You didn’t deserve this. I should have been better to you.”

“Better by what? You left your job so that you could take care of me. You took me around the world and knocked off so many things on my bucket list. You encouraged me to keep on writing and you always made sure I went to bed with a smile on my face. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend, or a better husband.”

Naeun cupped his face and smiled weakly. “You didn’t hurt me. You never gave me a reason to worry. Even if I knew your heart was in a different place, you were still there for me. I may never mean what Doyoung means to you, but you are everything to me, and right now what I want is for you to be happy. Don’t deny happiness out of loyalty or guilt for me. I’ll be dead anyways.”

Jaehyun choked out a strange laugh, his chest constricting due to an odd desire to somehow cry and laugh at the same time. He kissed her hand and pressed it against his wet cheek. “I love you Naeun.”

“I love you too.” She said. “Promise me you will live a little braver and a little stronger after I leave. I am not a final destination, I am just a pit stop to where you need to be, and to be called your wife and to be loved the way I am now is an honour. When the white light comes for me, I will leave this world with no regrets, and you shouldn’t either.”

Jaehyun wiped his tears away and leaned forward to kiss her. Beautiful Lee Naeun had shrunk in size and aged since the day he first met her, but she still had that same fire in her eyes and the same drive she used to get through life. Even on her death bed, she was still fighting for what was right.

How could Jaehyun be any braver than her? Lee Naeun was the bravest person he has ever known.

**********************

On the morning of Naeun and Jaehyun’s anniversary, Naeun woke up only to be blindfolded and dressed by the nurses, who said she was going out somewhere. At first, she thought she was being kidnapped, but a kidnapper who is kidnapping a woman on the last leg of her life would probably make them one of the stupidest criminals in history. She was wheeled out of the hospital, with her blindfold still on, and she had absolutely no idea where she was until she heard a car come around in front of her.

“Hello darling.”

“Jaehyun?” Naeun called out. “What are you doing? What’s going on?”

“SURPRISE!!” The blindfold came off and Naeun found herself face to face with Jaehyun’s BMW. Did Jaehyun buy her a car? Now she was even more confused.

“You got me car?” She asked her husband. The car window rolled down and Doyoung and Jeno’s were inside, waving and smiling happily. “What are they doing here?”

“I had to practically beg the hospital,” Jaehyun grinned. “But I decided that for our 11 year anniversary, we are going to the beach.”

“Are you serious?” She dropped her jaw. “Really?”

“Come on Auntie Naeun!” Jeno got down from the car to help her stand up from her wheelchair. “Uncle Jaehyun booked us a special chalet by the beach for just one night!”

“Oh my gosh this is so exciting!” She clapped her hands in glee. “What are you boys waiting for? Let’s go!!”

They drove a couple of hours outside of the city until they finally arrived the beach. Naeun hadn’t been to the beach in so long and she marvelled at its pristine beaches, blue water and when her feet touched the soft sand when they arrived, she almost melted. Also, the heat was intense.

“Whew,” Doyoung fanned himself. “This August heat is killer.”

“I know, but isn’t it lovely?” She grinned. “The sun is out, there isn’t a single grey cloud which means we could be outside all day long.”

“I feel like a boiled potato.” Doyoung grunted.

The family checked into a small but adorable chalet just for the four of them. Naeun wasn’t in any shape to do any swimming of course but they laid out a lovely blanket under the shade of a huge umbrella where she watched Jaehyun and Jeno swim in the ocean. She built sandcastles with Jeno and took short strolls around the beach, holding onto Jaehyun for support while her feet was submerged in the water. Doyoung cooked up a delicious dinner for the family and they even bought a cake and wine to celebrate.

“No.” Doyoung smacked Jeno’s hand away from the bottle. “You’re too young.”

“That’s not fair, you told me you started drinking when you were 16.”

“And it got me nowhere, so don’t you start now.” Jeno huffed but he sat down obediently.

“Here’s to Jeong Jaehyun and Lee Naeun,” Doyoung raised a glass in a toast. “Congratulations and happy anniversary.”

“It’s been 11 years.” Jaehyun beamed at her. “Amazing how time flies huh?”

“Yeah.” Naeun giggled. “I remember when we first met and you gave me flowers. I thought you were a creep. Who gives flowers to strangers on a first meeting?”

“You asked me to give them to you!”

“You could have said no!!” They all laughed as they shared a quick toast. After dinner, Naeun said she wanted some time to herself to watch the waves roll into the beach so she went out onto the deck. Jaehyun went back to their shared bedroom and pulled out the box he had been hiding from her all day. He opened the box and closed it back, crossing his fingers in the air. He could only hope she liked it.

“What are you still doing up?” Naeun asked a couple of hours later when she came back into the room. She held on to the wall with her thin fingers to hold her up as she sat down on the bed. “You should be asleep.”

“I bought something for you.” Jaehyun smiled.

“You did? On top of all of this?” Naeun gestured around. “Aww babe, you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” He grinned as he placed the box in her lap. “I hope you like it.”

Naeun gingerly removed the wrapping and she stopped when she saw the gift. She actually stopped, her whole figure frozen. She stroked the wig inside the box like it was cat, poking it to see if it was alive. “You… you got me a wig?”

“I know you were devastated to lose all your hair during chemotherapy, and you couldn’t find a wig you liked.” Jaehyun lifted the hairpiece up. “So I got one custom made from LA. I sent as many pictures as Gmail would let to make sure they get it as accurate as possible.”

“This is beautiful.” Naeun marvelled at it. “It…it looks so much like my old hair.”

“Do you want to try it?”

“Yes,” Naeun nodded. Jaehyun slowly removed her beanie, but not before giving her smooth head a gentle caress and kiss. He helped her adjust the wig and make sure the hairline was in place correctly. He handed her a brush and watched her brush her hair for the first time.

“What do you think?”

“I…” Naeun’s bottom lip quivered. “I look like my 11-year-old self when I was still too skinny and haven’t developed boobs yet.” Jaehyun burst into laughter at that.

“It’s beautiful.” She turned to him. “This… I didn’t know how much I missed having hair until today. Thank you.”

“Happy anniversary.” Jaehyun said.

“Happy anniversary.” Naeun kissed him and hugged him close. They fell asleep together just like that, Jaehyun’s arms around her small body, nose buried in her hair. For a brief moment, no one was aging, no one was dying. Just two people holding each other, like how they used to back then.

**********************

Jaehyun woke up early on a sunny September morning. _Wait, it’s September._ He managed to live another August with Naeun. The doctors expected her to pass by the end of it but she didn’t. She lived past that!

The birds were chirping and Jaehyun opened his bedroom window, feeling a slight chill from the September breeze. Today was going to be a good day.

He stopped by the florist to pick up a bunch of lilies. Naeun wasn’t actually very fond of lilies, but the flowers have since then become a symbol of their marriage and she grew to love them too. It was the first bunch of flowers he ever gifted her (whether intentionally or not) and they wore it during their wedding. Naeun would be pleasantly surprised by it.

With a fresh bouquet of flowers, he stepped into the hospital. He smiled at the receptionist and she bowed to him. He saw some of the nurses and they bowed at him too. Then he saw the doctors and they bowed too. Then patients spilled out of the wards and they bowed at him too. Jaehyun paused in his steps.

_Something is up._

When he arrived at her floor, Jeno was outside her ward, head buried in his hands. He saw his godfather and he rushed into his arms, tears spilling from his eyes. “Uncle Jaehyun…” he started sobbing.

_No._

Jaehyun pushed the door open and he felt strength sapped out of his legs. Doyoung was holding onto his chest, eyes red with a tissue in his hands. Jaehyun walked towards his wife and pulled out a single lily from the bouquet and placed them in her hand. He put his hands on hers and kissed them. She was at peace.

“Thank you.” He murmured. He laid his forehead against his hands interlocked with hers, letting his tears flow from his eyes. Jeno and Doyoung piled on top of him, holding each other as the white sunshine shone into the room and took her soul away.

**********************

**_The Sun: Breaking: Best Selling Author Lee Naeun Passed Away_ **

**_Entertainment Weekly: In Memory of Author Lee Naeun: A Look Into Some of Her Most Powerful Works_ **

**_People: Jeong Jaehyun’s Family Releases Statement on wife Lee Naeun’s Passing ‘She Was At Peace’._ **

****

**********************

Here’s the thing no one tells you: funerals are just as exhausting as weddings. Naeun was cremated several days after her passing. Doyoung and Jeno were with Jaehyun throughout the entire journey. They received countless visitors and prayed at least a dozen times. Fans of Naeun’s works built a little shrine dedicated to her outside the hospital where she would be cremated, and there were so many flowers delivered to her final resting place you could harvest them all and sell them again. On the final day of prayers, Jaehyun stood up to deliver a little speech, to thank everyone for showing up. “August was always her favourite month.” He said. “It was where we met and when we got married. We have spent many Augusts together which is probably why she died in September, so that she could spend one last August with the people she loved most.”

“She was my wife and best friend for 11 years. She was my check and balance, because she could see right through me. She could see right through anybody and she wasn’t afraid to call people out for their bullshit. She was as fearless as she was gentle, as funny as she was loving. Her diagnosis was a shock to all of us, but she took it on like a champ. She truly lived every single day like it was her last, and she told me that when she leaves, we shouldn’t cry for her, but celebrate her. She said, and I quote, ‘Quit crying. I’m already dead, what do you want me to do? Rise up from the dead and hand you a tissue?’”

The audience laughed. That was Lee Naeun in a nutshell.

“Live,” Jaehyun read from his eulogy. “Live for those who couldn’t.”

Naeun was finally cremated and enshrined in a columbarium. Jaehyun drove Doyoung and Jeno home after a long day, all three of them sighing deeply that it was all over. Jeno fell asleep in the back of the car, tuckered after a long week. Doyoung looked out the window.

_“What are you doing here?” Naeun asked, teetering to her seat on the porch slowly, pulling the cardigan around her. “I thought you would be inside with Jeno.”_

_“I thought I would come out and enjoy the beach at night.” Doyoung said. “There is no sun and no other humans. It’s my favourite way to see the beach.”_

_“Tsk, and we call Jaehyun the vampire.” She rolled her eyes. “Is that all you are having?”_

_“Yes,” Doyoung lifted his beer can. “Why?”_

_“That is lame.” She pulled open her cardigan and revealed a flask of vodka hiding inside. Doyoung almost spat his beer out._

_“Naeun!”_

_“What are you so worried for?” she rolled her eyes and took a sip. “It’s going to kill me?”_

_“Why are you so stubborn?”_

_“Oh, you think I’m stubborn?” she scoffed. “How long are you going to pretend you aren’t in love with Jaehyun?”_

_The air between them fell silent. “Told ya.” She smirked. “Two can play at this game.”_

_“I’m not in love with him.”_

_“Let’s play a new game, keep this up for as long as you can and after I’m dead, come and tell me the truth, because if you lie to the dead I will come and haunt you for the rest of your life.”_

_“You wouldn’t do that.”_

_“I have to find something to do. I’m pretty sure I’ll get bored of dinner with Michael Jackson and shopping with Prince after some time.” She took a sip from her flask. “He was never mine to hold, but he held onto me, and I’m okay with that.”_

_Doyoung started rubbing the edge of his beer can. He looked at Naeun’s frail frame and his heart broke a little more. This little firecracker was looking smaller by the day. “Are you afraid of dying?” he asked her timidly._

_“Honestly?” she turned her head. “I am scared shitless. Not of death, but of pain. I just don’t want to feel any kind of pain when I go.”_

_“Right.”_

_“You know there is a belief that when you die, you go into the ground and from there you give life for trees or rather living creatures to grow. I like that idea. Not only is it scientifically accurate, but it also serves as a kind of purpose in life later. I’m not dying, I’m giving life to someone else. My chapter needs to close before another can begin. Doesn’t that sound more natural?”_

_“It does.”_

_“Also, as grim as it is, part of me does just want to… end this.” Naeun sighed. “It’s tiring. It’s tiring to be in a hospital bed, hooked up to some machine. The chemotherapy itself is exhausting and the medication burns you. You can’t find energy to do anything, you can’t eat very well either, and what’s the point of living when it isn’t to your fullest?”_

_“I…” Doyoung mumbled. “I guess I never thought of it that way.”_

_“Do me a favour Doyoung.” She said. “I want you to take care of Jaehyun for me.”_

_“Of course.”_

_“We all know he isn’t good at being alone.” Naeun pointed out. “Look what happened the last time he was alone after the divorce.”_

_“Yeah well,” Doyoung bit his lip. “He’s in a better headspace now.”_

_“Of course he is but I just don’t want him to feel that. I’m worried he’s going to do something stupid.”_

_“Don’t worry Naeun, I’ll take care of him.”_

_“I feel like I’m loading you with so much.” She said. “You have given me a husband to love, a godson to treasure and a family when I can’t have my own. How can I ever thank you for that?”_

_“You shouldn’t. I should be the one thanking you.” Doyoung said. “What you have done for my son and Jaehyun and even myself, it’s immeasurable. I’m going to miss you.”_

_“Me too.” Naeun smiled. “Who knew I would be this close to my husband’s ex?”_

_“Same.” Doyoung chuckled. “I was expecting to hate you, but I didn’t, and I couldn’t.”_

_“Well, now you don’t have to worry about me anymore.” She said. “You just have to focus on yourself, Jeno and Jaehyun.”_

_“I will do my best.”_

_Naeun extended her hand and Doyoung took it. “Hold his hand.” She said. “Don’t just walk him through the end when I die, but walk with him.”_

That was why Doyoung was by his side from the very beginning. He helped and managed the funeral as much as possible. He saw the red in his eyes and he patted his back. Right before they closed her casket, he slipped an empty flask under her clothes and whispered something into her ear.

Doyoung turned to Jaehyun as they came to a red light at a junction. Jaehyun had one hand on the steering wheel and another resting on his lap. Doyoung slipped his hand on top and held it. As if that was where it was meant to be.

Jaehyun arrived home after dropping Doyoung and Jeno off. He went to his room and pulled out a key from his pocket. He used that key to unlock the bottom drawer of Naeun’s shelf and pulled out a manuscript. The last book she had ever written. He flipped a page and read the foreword.

_Her name was August_

_August slipped away like a moment in time_

_She was never mine_


	10. invisible string

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The invisible string theory is put to the test, and so it reveals

_And so he smiled at her and said “Fancy meeting you here.”_

_“Indeed.” She smiled. The invisible string worked._

“Okay Doyoung,” the photographer said, putting down his heavy camera on the grass. “Shall we take a break?”

“Sounds good.” Doyoung smiled, barely looking up from his book. He simply smiled and rolled over on his front to read the last few pages of his new book. The Invisible String by Yeo Jooda.

“Coffee?” Ten asked Doyoung, handing him a cup.

“In a bit.” Doyoung mumbled, flipping another page.

“You’re really engrossed in this aren’t you?” Ten sat down on the picnic blanket next to him. “I thought it was just a photo shoot prop.”

“No of course not,” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “This book is really good.”

“Can you believe it has been two years since she passed?” Ten sighed. “I feel like it was yesterday we were all at Jeno’s 5th birthday party where we met her for the first time.”

“I know.” Doyoung sighed as he put the book down. “This is her first and last posthumous work. Jaehyun said he had to fight her editors to keep the book exactly the way she wanted it, character narrations, book covers and all. It must have been a mad struggle, but it was worth it. It was what she would have wanted.”

“It is indeed.” Ten nodded. “Which reminds me, how is the packing coming for Jeno?”

“It’s going along great, so far.”

“Are you nervous or sad that Jeno is going off to college?”

“Maybe a little sad.” Doyoung smiled shyly. “Sort of going through that empty nest syndrome. I was actually so upset about it I called my mum.”

“Oh? And what did she say?”

“I asked if she had empty nest syndrome when either me or my brother moved out, and she was like ‘HECK NO I finally get a clean house and two less mouths to feed. I have been waiting for this day ever since you two were born’.”

“That sounds like your mum.” Ten giggled. “Kun is very attached to our boy Yangyang but I can’t wait to push him out into the world. Not because I want him gone, but I want him to be independent and find his own way around life.”

“Yeah, that’s what Jaehyun told me to.” Doyoung said. “He’s taking the whole thing better than me.”

“Plus, it would be nice to have sex without worrying if your kids can hear you next door. Now I can suck Kun off in the kitchen if I want to.”

“Ew don’t tell me that,” Doyoung grimaced. “Now I have that image in my head. Do you enjoy torturing me like this?”

“Frankly, yes.” Ten winked and Doyoung pushed him.

“Mr. Kim,” a staff member called him. “Shall we proceed with the rest of the interview?”

“Of course.” Doyoung got up and dusted himself off. He handed the book back to the staff member as she led him to a chair seated in front of a bunch of cameras and huge lights in his face. He simply took a seat and crossed his legs, folding his hand on top of his knee.

“Mr Kim…”

“You can call me Doyoung.”

“Right Doyoung,” the director nodded, “This interview is part of a new series we are doing called React to Past Self. We are going to show you a video of an interview you did with us when you made your debut and we want you to give us your honest reactions and thoughts about how you were like back then, and then we will ask you the exact same question and see if the answers changed.”

“Oh lord.” Doyoung chuckled and buried his head in his hands. “This is going to be embarrassing.”

The director pulled out the video on the small TV screen in front of Doyoung and Doyoung laughed immediately. There was a young 20 something Doyoung looking fresh-faced and eager for his first magazine interview. “Hi! I’m Kim Doyoung and I’m…”

“Oh my gosh,” Doyoung fanned his red face. “That… I haven’t seen that video in a long time. Look at me I sound so enthusiastic!”

“I’m sure all artists are enthusiastic when they were starting out at that age.” The director smiled at him.

“Maybe,” Doyoung cringed. “Oh god this is so embarrassing. That was almost 20 years ago. I was young, impetuous and ready to take on the world.”

“What did you think of yourself back then?”

“I was definitely excited, and impatient I suppose, because becoming a singer was something I had always wanted to do from a young age. I had done it all, performing in bars, local talent shows, posted on YouTube and all that jazz. I had done a lot and when I got up to this point, part of me I think… also kind of felt like I was entitled to it.”

“Do you not feel the same way about it?”

“It took me a long time, like a long, long, long time to realize that success is not something you are entitled to. It’s a reward. There are many people who have done what I did and taken the same path but may not have the same result. If success was an entitlement, we would all be sipping drinks in Hawaii now.” Doyoung quipped and everyone laughed. “I can say this now because I’m approaching my middle age crisis but back then I didn’t think that.”

“If you could say something to your previous self now, what would you say?”

“Boy,” Doyoung started and everyone giggled as he laughed cutely. “Whatever you are worried about now, it’s not worth it. You’ll learn at the end that all of that, isn’t worth a hill of beans in the end.”

**********************

“Son, if you don’t get down here now you are not having any dinner.” Doyoung yelled up the stairs. Jaehyun had just arrived his house for dinner, unpacking some fried chicken he bought before coming here. Jeno trotted down the steps with his long legs as he yawned loudly. He was still dressed in his old hoodie from yesterday and the glasses were perched halfway down his nose. “Didn’t I tell you to wash this?”

“I didn’t sweat in it.”

“You don’t have to sweat in something in order to wash it. Throw it in the laundry later.”

“Yes Appa.” Jeno nodded as he sat down next to Jaehyun at the dinner table.

“You’re going to miss this nagging when you leave the house.” Jeno smiled at him, helping himself to some stir fried pork.

“I highly doubt that.” Jeno rolled his eyes and his godfather smacked him lightly.

“Are you all ready for to move into your dorm tomorrow?” he asked. “Make sure you don’t leave anything important behind.”

“I’m still in the same country, the same city even.” Jeno shrugged carelessly. “I can always come home, right Appa?”

“You were the one who begged to move into the same dorm as Jaemin and now you’re asking if you can move back?” Doyoung glared at him. “What move are you trying to pull?”

“Oh come on Appa, I love you so much.”

“It used to be cute when you were 6, now it’s just suspicious.”

“Whatever,” Jeno huffed. “I’ll just stay with Uncle Jaehyun.”

“Be prepared to sleep on the couch then.” Jaehyun smirked. “I’ve got no spare room for you.”

“Tsk,” Jeno pouted. “Fine, we’ll see if I never come back.”

“Fine, I won’t do your laundry then.” Doyoung stuck his tongue out. Jeno frowned and Jaehyun giggled at his cuteness. The three of them enjoyed a lovely dinner and Jeno dashed back to his room to play more video games. Doyoung and Jaehyun stayed in the living room where Jaehyun handed him a lovely printed invitation.

“You are cordially invited to the screening of “The 1” at The Citadel Cinema at 7pm with cocktails afterwards.” Doyoung read the card. “Oh, I have VIP access?”

“Of course you do,” Jaehyun handed him a cup of tea. “You and Jeno. I wish I could be there tomorrow to help you and Jeno move into his new dorm, but I have a lot to do before the screening tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it. Jeno and I will be there.” Doyoung clinked his glass with his and the two of them settled down on the couch. “You must be excited, your first ever directorial debut.”

“I am both excited and scared shitless.” Jaehyun confessed. “I haven’t felt this way since my first gig on that web series, do you remember?”

“Ah yes, you pacing around the room and muttering the same lines over and over again.” Doyoung recalled. “You could use that line to hypnotize someone.”

“I’m excited to see what people think of it.” Jaehyun smiled. “It feels nice to be on the other end of the camera, to be creating the story and working with actors and staff to make it a reality.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Doyoung nodded. “It gives you a different level of satisfaction.”

“I saw your React To Past Self interview the other day.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, you were so disgusted by the orange hair you had at one point in your life.”

“I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea. I looked like a blurred orange.”

“We did a lot of things back then we thought were cool.”

“Yeah.” Doyoung smiled wistfully. He turned to Jaehyun and they shared a knowing look for a while. What exactly have they achieved in the last 20 years?

“Look at us.” Doyoung pointed out. “A bunch of has-beens sitting together sipping tea while they send their son to college tomorrow.”

“We didn’t think we would be here many years ago.”

“No we didn’t.”

“I don’t think I can bring myself to be in front of the screen anymore.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. Maybe not now.” Jaehyun said. “I mean I just started directing. I would like to focus on that first for a bit.”

“You mean you don’t miss being the Nation’s It Man and bowed to everywhere you go?” Doyoung teased.

“Okay, maybe I do enjoy the free meals and being able to eat what I want without worrying if I was going to get a dad bod.”

“You do not have a dad bod.” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “If anything you should be the poster boy for middle aged men with abs.”

“If I do that will you be the poster boy for single dads who nags a lot?”

“Shut up Jeong.” Doyoung kicked him and the two of them laughed.

**********************

“Is this the right room?”

“No, this is the right room.”

“You said 109 though.”

“I said 190 you dumb ass.” Jaemin rolled his eyes at him as he trailed his luggage behind him. “This is it.”

“You kids better remember how you got here.” Doyoung huffed, wiping sweat from his brow as he put a box down in the empty room. “And get a broom and mop quick, this place is dusty as fuck.”

Jeno and Jaemin rolled their eyes subtly but obeyed orders to clean up their dorm room. Doyoung went back to the car to get some more of their belongings. Jeno was just sweeping away with his Airpods when he turned around knocked into someone behind him.

“Hey! Watch…oh…”

“You bumped into me first!” the injured party scowled, dusting off his jacket.

“I am so sorry.” Jeno stuttered. “My name is Lee Jeno and I live in 190.”

“Oh gosh, you’re my neighbour?” the other man sighed. “I’m Huang Renjun.”

“Nice to meet you and I’m really sorry about what happened.”

“It’s fine.” Renjun sighed. “Just make sure you’re more careful.” He bowed to Jeno and Jaemin and walked back to his room next door.

“Whoa.” Jeno uttered out.

“What did I miss?” Doyoung asked when he came back up.

“Oh nothing,” Jaemin smirked. “Just Jeno drooling over our cute dorm neighbour.”

“Really, how cute is he? Can I see?”

“Appa!!” Jeno stopped him. “No please, don’t embarrass me!”

“I’m not embarrassing you, I just want a peek at him.”

“No Appa please!” Doyoung ignored him and peeked his head into Renjun’s room whose door was open. The young man was arranging his at supplies and dusting his bed. Doyoung made a face and grinned.

“Oh he is pretty cute.”

“Appa, don’t say anything, please I am begging you, just leave him alone.”

“What are you worried about? Your appa can’t embarrass you any further, you’re the one who bumped into him.” Jaemin teased and Jeno kicked his shin in retaliation.

“I won’t say anything, it’s your love life.” Doyoung grinned. “Just remember, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Appa, no offense but you didn’t even go to college at my age.”

“Fine,” Doyoung sighed. “Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

**********************

Jaehyun finally found some time to stop shaking hands and sit down. He sighed and took a big swig out of his wine as he sat down at his private booth, tuckered from all of the introductions and rubbing noses he had to do just now. His film ‘The 1’ just finished it’s first screening before premiering tomorrow and everyone enjoyed it. Even Richard Lee, a well-known film critic posted on Twitter that ‘The 1’ was a “solid indie film”. Solid was not exactly Oscar winning worthy, but solid was better than nothing.

“Mr Jeong?” a voice called him.

“Oh yes,” Jaehyun stood up and shook the hand of the man in front of him. “Felix Lee, editor in chief of the Washington Post.”

“It’s a pleasure to see you again.” Felix smiled handsomely. “Thank you so much for the invite.”

“It’s good to see you here again in Korea.” Jaehyun raised his glass to him. “How long has it been since you moved to D.C?”

“Almost 10 years now.” Felix smiled. “As much as I enjoy my work, it is great to be back here again, where it all started.”

“Yes I heard. You are thinking of acquiring The Sun.”

“I am indeed. I haven’t decided who is going to run it yet or whether I have the capacity to run both, but I remember when I started, I used to think ‘one day, I will be The Sun’s head editor’.”

“Except now you are going to own it.” Jaehyun grinned. “Who knew the gossip column kid who followed my shit would one day be this powerful?”

“Not bad if you ask me.” Felix quipped.

“Not bad at all.”

“I saw Doyoung and Jeno when I was walking through this area.” Felix pointed. “It’s really amazing how you two are so close.”

“Well, we do it for Jeno.” Jaehyun answered. “When Doyoung named me his godfather, I sworn to the Gods and heavens above that I would be there for him.”

“I heard Jeno is going to college now.”

“He is.”

“So what’s next?” Felix raised an eyebrow. “Are you and Doyoung going to go your separate ways now?”

“We have been going our separate ways all these years.”

“Maybe that’s what you tell yourself.” Felix said. “Think about it, you’re raising a child together with your ex-husband, you nursed him to health after his accident and he was there by your side when your wife passed away. If you ask me, that is not living separate lives.”

“Then what do you think it is?”

“I think it’s fate.” Felix leaned forward. “Have you never felt that way?”

Jaehyun looked around and bit his lips. “I’m not sure he wants to try again.”

“I never said that.”

“You were implying.”

“I said it was fate. You said you wanted to try again.” Felix grinned. “I suppose you have thought about it.”

_Thought about it? Was it merely that simple?_

“I think… I think I’m comfortable with what I have with Doyoung.” Jaehyun said. “I would rather it be like this than never together at all.”

“You’re a braver man than me Jeong.” Felix raised his glass. “I wish you the best.”

“Thank you.” Jaehyun clinked his glass with him as they shared a toast. He turned to look at Doyoung out of the corner of his eye. Doyoung smiled back at him.

**********************

Doyoung was just about to turn off the lights on his downstairs floor and head back upstairs to sleep when he heard a knock on the door. He walked over to it and opened the door, eyes wide open in surprise when he saw Jeno standing outside. “Jeno? What are you doing here?”

“I… uhm… couldn’t sleep.” Jeno bit his lip, backpack on his shoulder. “Jaemin snores and you can hear sirens in the middle of the night. It’s creepy.”

“Are you homesick?” Doyoung asked him.

“Maybe.”

“Come on in then.” Doyoung sighed, pulling his son in by the hand. “You’re only staying here for one night.”

“Appa.” Jeno pouted.

“Fine, the weekend.” Doyoung folded his arms, trying his level best not to form a smile on his face. “You have to get used to sleeping away from home.”

“But Appa…”

“I don’t think Renjun wants to date a guy who is such a daddy’s boy.”

“What if I bring him home with me?”

“Go upstairs and get to bed.” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “It’s late.”

Doyoung washed up and went to check on Jeno, only to find the boy tossing and turning on his bed, checking his phone repeatedly. He stared at it like it was going to give him money. Only then did Doyoung realize Jeno’s insomnia has less to do with homesickness and more to do with a boy.

“It’s almost 1am.” Doyoung laughed. “He’s not going to text you.”

“I’m not waiting for Renjun to text me.”

“I didn’t say who you were waiting for.”

“He doesn’t sleep so early.” Jeno tossed around and sat up. “I know him.”

“Boy,” Doyoung laughed as he sat next to him. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“I don’t understand.” Jeno groaned. “I have never felt this way before. Is this normal?”

“Yes, it’s normal.”

“Well I hate these feelings. They suck. They make my heart do funny things and I can’t sleep at night.”

“Yes but they also make you smile.” Doyoung teased. “Why don’t you ask him out Jeno?”

“No way, what if he doesn’t like me?”

“Nonsense. You are Kim Doyoung’s son. How dare he not like you.”

“He doesn’t care Appa! He doesn’t care who I am!” Jeno told him. “He just treats me like every other kid in school. I’m just Lee Jeno to him.”

“And you like him for that.”

Jeno blinked. “I… I do.”

“My boy,” Doyoung cupped his face. “Welcome to the world of falling in love.”

“Have you ever fallen in love before?”

“Once.”

“With Uncle Jaehyun?”

“Yes.”

“Appa,” Jeno sighed. “have you ever thought about getting together with Uncle Jaehyun? I mean you’re single, he’s single. I’m out of the house and you two are lonely. You don’t tour anymore. He doesn’t film anymore. Shouldn’t lonely people be together? Isn’t that how it works?”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Because it is?” Jeno raised an eyebrow. “Why is that so hard?”

“This coming from the kid who won’t ask his neighbour out.”

“In my defence, I don’t know my neighbour that well yet. You know Uncle Jaehyun like the back of your hand and besides, he won’t say no to you.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because he could have said no all these years but he didn’t.”

“That’s because I didn’t ask.”

“Appa,” Jeno sighed. “Just trust me, he is still in love with you.”

“How do you know that?”

Jeno recalled that fateful day. _15 July. He was waiting outside his father’s hospital room when he opened the door to step in. His foot was only halfway through when he realized uncle Jaehyun was inside to. Uncle Jaehyun was holding his appa’s hand tightly, tears streaming from his eyes. “I love you Doyoung.” He said. “Please don’t leave me.”_

“I just do.” Jeno insisted. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then trust me this time.” Jeno hugged him. “I want you to be happy Appa. You have raised me better than anyone else could, and I can never thank you enough for it, but I’m leaving home, and soon I will be out on my own. I just don’t want you to be alone.”

“Will it be okay?”

“Okay for who?”

“You.” Doyoung asked. “Will it really be okay if your godfather and I end up together again?”

“Auntie Naeun talked about an invisible string between her characters August and February.” Jeno said. “In her book, the two of them crossed paths so many times until they realized they were meant to be. Maybe this is it. This is your invisible string coming to an end.”

Doyoung thought about it for a bit and just nodded. He asked Jeno to go to sleep one last time and left his room. He walked back to his bedroom and pulled out The Invisible String from his bookshelf. On the cover was a man and a woman with a string tied around their wrists, linking them to each other.

Doyoung lifted his wrist to check if there was a string, and he imagined Jaehyun was on the other end of that line.

**********************

“Jaehyun?” Johnny knocked on his office door. “Mr. Lee Jinhyuk from MGM Studios is here to see you.”

“Oh yeah.” Jaehyun adjusted his suit jacket and stood up. “Mr. Lee. It’s a pleasure to see you to again.”

“Jaehyun.” Mr. Lee shook his hand warmly. “I saw your last movie in theatres with my wife. It was lovely, we really enjoyed it.”

“You did?” Jaehyun chuckled. “I’m shocked. All this time I have known you I never would have thought you liked indie films at all.”

“I don’t but someone recommended it to me so I went, and then they told me you directed it.” He grinned. “And I was like ‘this son of a bitch really left the cameras to make his own movies huh?’”

“I told you I would do it one day.” Jaehyun smiled proudly. “And I have.”

“Good for you Jaehyun. You’re really talented.”

“So, what is it you want to see me for?” Jaehyun asked. “Do you need an actor or a director?”

“Well, that depends. It’s actually about your wife’s book. The Invisible String.” Mr. Lee leaned forward. “I wanna option it.”

“You want to turn it into a movie?”

“I read the novel and it’s beautiful. Two star crossed lovers missing each other at the hands of fate, but also because of fate that they were bought together. We need a smashing romantic comedy this year and this one could be it.”

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun mused. “This is a very special story to me and it’s going to be difficult to get it right.”

“I’ll cut you a really good deal Jaehyun.” Mr. Lee said. “Besides, wouldn’t it be amazing to see your wife’s work come to life? An homage to all she has done for the literature world.”

“You’re right.” Jaehyun nodded. “It would be amazing.”

“So do we have a deal?”

“On one condition.” Jaehyun said. “I’ll direct it.”

Mr. Lee’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“I’m serious.”

“This isn’t an indie film Jaehyun. This is a proper studio backed motion picture film. Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“You yourself said I was talented, and who else knows how to tell this story right than the husband of the author?” Jaehyun grinned. “Either you let me direct and I’ll sign the rights, or I’m taking the story and making my own from it.”

Mr. Lee narrowed his eyes. He extended his hand. “You got yourself a deal.”

“Thank you.” Jaehyun shook his hand. “It will be a pleasure working with you.”

“You sure know how to cut a deal.”

“Guess the Nation’s It Man grew up.” Jaehyun smiled proudly.

Naeun would be proud. She has always wanted her books to be made into a film. If she was alive she would have been over the moon.

_Live for those of us who can’t._

He picked up her book from the shelf and placed it gingerly on his desk. August and February. One was named after her favourite month, the other named after the month Jaehyun was born. And also the month Doyoung was born in. And also their anniversary month when they were married. He opened the book to his favourite page.

_August thought it was just fascinating. She had fallen in love so many times, only to find that all this time she was meant for someone else. She thought the string was wrong but it was there. It kept pulling her back. She could snap it off, but when she looked into February’s eyes, she knew that she had found her home._

**********************

“And that was our last candidate.” Ten said, handing over the last resume of the day. “Whew, why the heck do we let these auditions go on for so long?”

“We always have to be vigilant.” Doyoung said. “You never know when we might find the next big star.”

“Did you see anybody who stood out to you today?” another producer named Hyuna asked Doyoung as they walked out of the audition hall and took the elevator.

“Candidate number 78 stood out to be. He had a very strong and clear voice. A little raw but we could work with it. He has potential to be a main vocalist.”

“I like number 64. He was a very natural dancer and his technique was on point. He didn’t seem very confident but in terms of skill he does have the best.” Ten said.

“Let’s meet again tomorrow and go through the candidate list.” Doyoung said. “And after that let’s discuss the choreography and concert set list for Shining Light’s European tour. I kind of want to tweak the stages a bit, give it a different flair.”

They walked out of the elevator and onto the lobby. They passed by the wall with Dynamite, Dream’s rookie boy group’s face on it and Doyoung just glanced at it. Hyuna saw Doyoung’s magazine cover at the stands and she picked it up. “Oh I love this shot of you.” She grinned. “Kim Doyoung, from Hit Singer to Hit Producer.”

“Shut up.” Doyoung blushed.

“Kim Doyoung, or better known as The Nation’s Vocal Prince has certainly spread his wings in more ways than one. Not only is he the executive producer for Shining Light and Dynamite, the latter whose debut certainly had an explosive impact, he is also a loving father who has been raising his son on his own for years now.” She read.

“I didn’t technically do it on my own.” Doyoung made a face. “I had help.”

“Still this looks like a really insightful read.” Hyuna said. “Congratulations Doyoung. You did a great job.”

“Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without all of you.”

“Hey Doyoung,” Taeyong approached him with a cup of coffee in his hand. “Ready to go? I’ve got to get home and help Jisung pack for summer camp.” He said, referring to his youngest son.

“Sure. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” Doyoung waved as he and Taeyong walked out of the building. Just a few steps away from the front of the building was a young boy busking in the corner. He was singing with his guitar and dressed in jeans and a beanie. He had a jar open for tips as he sang in a language he didn’t understand.

“Doyoung?” Taeyong pulled his arm. “Let’s go.”

“In a bit.” Doyoung said. He walked up to the young boy and put a couple of dollar bills in his jar. The singer turned his head and dropped his jaw. His fingers froze as he stood up and bowed immediately. “Oh my god…” he stuttered. “You…you’re Kim Doyoung.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” He chuckled. “What’s your name?”

“Xiao Dejun.” The boy stammered, his teeth clattering so much they were making their own music. “Oh my gosh, this is an honour. I have been singing everyday in this spot for two weeks hoping I could see you and now you’re here. Oh my god I’m shaking, I think I’m going to wet my pants.”

“You have been busking here everyday for two weeks?” Doyoung titled his head.

“Yes sir I have.”

“Well why don’t you just come in and audition?”

“I can’t…” Dejun shook his head. “All those other kids that do audition are so much more handsome and talented than I am. All I do is just play the guitar and sing.”

Doyoung smiled at him. “I used to do that too.”

“You mean play the guitar?”

“No, I used to tell myself I could only do certain things, but sometimes if you don’t push yourself out of the box, you will never know what you can actually achieve.” Doyoung handed him a card. “Here, come to my office tomorrow. Let’s see what you are really capable of.”

“For real?!” Dejun jumped up and down. “Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god!!!!”

“10am! Don’t be late!” he laughed as he waved goodbye to Dejun who was too busy screaming to wave back. Doyoung shook his head as he wore a big smile and walked back to Taeyong.

“You know something Doyoung?”

“What?”

“The last time I saw someone this excited, was when you got accepted by Dream Entertainment.”

“Yeah, those were the days.” Doyoung said. “Thankfully those days are over.”

“Why?”

“So that they can belong to someone else.” He said. “And I can move on.”

**********************

Jaehyun hadn’t heard from his best friend Yuta all year, and when he finally does, Yuta told him the most absurd thing he ever did. “Remember the Red Lion? That seafood dive bar? Guess who owns it now?”

He still can’t quite believe Yuta actually bought The Red Lion. The now retired soccer player moved back to Korea from Japan to start his own soccer school and apparently, he and his husband Sicheng saw a sign that The Red Lion was up for sale. Chanyeol had sold the property to move to Canada with his husband Baekhyun and Sicheng was sentimental about it, since The Red Lion was where he first met Yuta, So Yuta called Chanyeol and just… bought the place.

Jaehyun walked down the familiar steps near Han River as the sun slowly started setting. He hadn’t been back down this path for years, almost decades now. He saw The Red Lion in a distance and almost ran straight to it.

“JEONG JAEHYUN!!!” Yuta yelled from the far end, bouncing up and down in excitement.

“NAKAMOTO YUTA!!!” Jaehyun yelled back, running towards him and hugging him tightly. “Oh my god this place looks amazing.”

“Thank you so much!” Yuta panted. “It took 11 men two weeks to clean up this place, but I managed to restore it as close to original as possible. What do you think?”

“It’s…” Jaehyun saw the iconic lion sign with it’s new red neon lights and he almost felt like tearing up. “It’s perfect.”

“Our opening day is next Sunday, for this week we’re just having a series of trial runs and crew recruitment.” Yuta said. “Come in when you’re ready. I’ll buy you a drink.”

“Thanks.” Jaehyun nodded as Yuta walked back into the dive bar. He wanted to spend some time admiring it a little longer. Yuta must have spent a lot of money to get it restored as close to the original as possible. His heart swelled as his mind replayed memories of every drink, every bar game, every spat he ever heard, every song he ever heard.

And Doyoung.

“Jaehyun?” Jaehyun turned his head and found Doyoung walking towards him. “What are you doing here?”

“Yuta told me to come and see his new purchase.” Jaehyun pointed. “Ta-dah!!”

“HE BOUGHT THE RED LION?!?!” Doyoung gasped. “So he was serious about it?!!?”

“Apparently so.”

“Oh my goodness.” Doyoung clasped his chest. “It’s beautiful. It looks exactly like how I remembered it.”

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” Jaehyun agreed. “How did you find out about this place?”

“I didn’t. I was just going for a walk near Han River. I figured I would walk by this route since I haven’t done it in years and thank god I did.” Doyoung smiled. “This is amazing.” 

“This was where it all started.”

“Remember the dart board inside?”

“Remember the old juke box?”

“Remember that old armchair that Chanyeol swore was haunted?”

“Remember that terribly shady toilet stall that had red paint on the toilet bowl?”

“Funny isn’t it?” Doyoung said.

“What’s so funny?”

“If you think about it, our lives started here, in this very dive bar. And here we are, at the tail end of it.”

“And we meet again.”

Jaehyun and Doyoung looked at each other and smiled. The sun set was turning the sky an iridescent pink, almost purple pink, kind of sky. It is said to be an unusual occurrence, as rare as perhaps, meeting someone you could spend the rest of your life with.

In The Invisible String, August and February meet again under a pink-purple sky and their invisible string was revealed to them for the first and final time.

Is this their grand reveal?

“Can I buy you a drink?” Jaehyun asked Doyoung.

“Last time someone bought me a drink, I ended up marrying him.” Doyoung quipped.

“Well, maybe I’ll get lucky this time around.” He laughed and Doyoung nodded.

“Of course.” He answered, following Jaehyun up The Red Lion’s front door. Under the bright, neon red lights, Jaehyun pressed a hand against the opposite frame and asked “Again?”

Doyoung smiled. “Again.”

And with that, they stepped in.


	11. epilogue 1: epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naeun reunites with Mama. Sort of.

Betty was pleasantly surprised when a handsome man walked into her café and sat at the window booth. She was used to old stodgy men, but this one looked young enough to be thirty and at least he didn’t grunt when he sat down. She hurried over to his table and put her menu down.

“Welcome to Mama’s Corner.” Betty smiled politely. The man’s smile was so blinding it almost stunned her. “Are you alone today?”

“No, I am waiting for someone. He will be here soon.”

“You know, you look like a Korean singer.” Betty said. “I feel like I have seen you before.”

The young man blushed shyly. “Thank you. You’re not the first person to tell me that.”

“Let me know if you need anything.” Betty said and she left the young man to himself. Another man walked in to join him and they ordered two cups of tea and some toast. They chatted all afternoon while looking out at the view. After they polished off their food, the two of them went to the counter to pay.

“Are you Mama’s daughter?” one of them asked.

“Yes I am.” Betty nodded. “Poor Mama died several years ago.”

“We have something for you.” He pulled out a Korean book and placed it on the counter. “This writer, her name is Lee Naeun, and she was a great friend of Mama’s. She asked for her last book to be gifted to Mama and her family.”

“Oh my goodness,” Betty’s eyes twinkled as she took the book. “Thank you so much.”

“There is an English version at the back. She said Mama and I quote ‘this story is for Mama’.”

“Thank you,” Betty sniffed, holding the book to her chest. “Mama would have been so proud.”

The two men left the café and walked away hand in hand. Betty put the book high up on the shelf, next to her Mama’s picture. “The magic of the lakes is real Mama.” Betty said. “I hope you enjoy this one.”


	12. epilogue 2: lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their story is over. It's time for their son to take over.

_Dear Jeno,_

_Today is a very special day. It’s your wedding day. We just wanted to take some time to write you this letter, to tell you not just how much you mean to us, but also what to prepare for when you take that next step._

_We knew from the first day you bought him home that Renjun would be the one. The way you smile and look at him like he is your world, the way he holds your hand. The way you two act like nothing else in the world matters because you have each other. A love like this is so powerful and rare, and it is this kind of power that compels us to do some crazy things. That time you stole our car to drive Renjun to the mountains because he wanted to see fireflies. That time Renjun flew from China to Los Angeles just because you said you missed him. Let’s not mention all the other unspeakable things you two did in the back of cars that we will not mention in this letter. We’ll pretend we didn’t know about it._

_Marriage is different from love. It may be built on love as a foundation, but it functions a little differently. Marriage is about commitment and compromise. Marriage is about being a team, a united front to face the world together. People will tell you that marriage is not about being in love 24/7, it’s about building that love as you go on._

_Talk to your husband. As much as you talk, don’t forget to listen. Sometimes listening is even more important than talking. You will have forever to grow and learn about each other. When things blow up, don’t give up. That’s the secret to a good marriage. The promise that you won’t give up when things go south. And if you have picked the right person, you will weather the storms and if you picked your soulmates, each storm will leave you two stronger and more in love than before. If you two are all that and more, even if you do get lost, you will find your way to each other._

_As times goes on, love will no longer come with the birds and the bells. There won’t be fire or electricity or angels singing or whatever romantic shit. Instead love will be about peace. Love will be coming down the stairs in the morning to have breakfast together. Love will be sitting on the couch and watching movies together. Love will be talking about old memories and smiling fondly at them. Love will be taking unexpected trips and getting lost, or it could be going to the grocery shops together and feeling like this was meant to be. Love will be home, a place you can return to at the end of the day. A place to start a family, and a place to die in._

_We can’t wait to be there on this special day with you. To walk you, our precious son, down the aisle to happiness and where forever begins. The first thing we have to do is get out of London, but we’ll be there._

_We love you and Renjun so much. Congratulations and welcome to the next chapter of your life._

_From your loving parents,_

_Jeong Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's actually done.
> 
> I may be the only nutcase in this world to post 12 chapters in one go HAHAHAHAHAHA but that was because I have been stewing on this idea for too long, and I decided that even if this tanks and everyone hates it, I would not regret writing this at all.
> 
> This was honestly one of the most difficult fics I have ever written. This was an idea I have been sitting on for two whole years. I wrote and rewrote and deleted so many different versions before I settled on this. None of this would have been possible if folklore didn't drop. Honestly this story happened because of her, and that's why I named each chapter after her. She is iconic and she is why this story happened.
> 
> This is possibly one of the riskiest moves I have ever taken when it comes to writing. I have broken down TWICE while writing it, but in the end it was worth it. I may be just a writer, but these characters took me on a whole rollercoaster and this story is a part of me I suppose. I told myself no one was going to read or enjoy this, but I decided to fuck it and write anyways. This could be the biggest writing mistake ever, but at least I tried and I gave my heart. Like Naeun, I have no regrets.
> 
> If you do like this, please leave comments and kudos! And to all my regular readers and fellow writers, thank you so much for your support all this time. I would not be where I am today without all of you. Thank you so much! Stay safe and enjoy!


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